I have a new piece up on the Blowfish Blog. It’s about the myth that sex has to be spontaneous, that you have to be swept away by impulsive passion, in order for it to be any good — and why, apart from the obvious reasons, the myth does damage to sex lives. It’s called Sex, Spontaneity, and the “Swept Away” Myth, and here’s the teaser:
I’ve written before about the myth of sexual spontaneity: the myth that, for sex to be good and meaningful, the desire has to strike both partners out of the blue and be acted on immediately. I’ve written about how unrealistic the myth is, how poorly it fits into the reality of many people’s sex lives; I’ve written about the narrow and limiting definition of sexual desire it creates.
But I’ve been thinking lately about another — and in many ways more serious — problem with the myth of sexual spontaneity.
And that’s that it contributes to the idea that sex is dirty and bad… and thus makes people feel like sex is only okay if they don’t take responsibility for it.
To find out how the “swept away” myth is linked to the idea that sex is bad — and what we can do about it — read the rest of the piece. Enjoy!
P.S. If you’re inspired to comment on this piece on this blog, please consider cross- posting your comment to the Blowfish Blog as well. They like comments there, too.