I have a new piece up on the Blowfish Blog. It talks about a recent letter to Dan Savage, from a rape survivor whose boyfriend wanted her to act out a rape fantasy with him… and was continuing to pressure her and pester her about it, despite her clearly saying “No.” (Dan’s advice: Dump the motherfucker already.) My post takes this letter and expands on it, to ask the question, “When do you have the right to absolutely refuse a certain kind of sex to your partner?” It’s called Right Of Refusal, and here’s the teaser:
I totally agree with Danâs advice, as far as it went. A rape survivor absolutely has the right to say âNoâ to acting out a rape scene that they think will traumatize them . . . and to drop the partner who wonât take that âNoâ for an answer.
But Iâd actually go further than that.
Iâd say that anybody has the right to say âNoâ to any particular form of sex, for any reason whatsoever.
To find out more — in particular, to find out more about the degree to which I equivocate from that position, and the degree to which I absolutely don’t — read the rest of the piece. Enjoy!