The Best Non-Monogamy Advice I Ever Got: The Blowfish Blog

I have a new piece up on the Blowfish Blog. It’s about the best piece of advice I ever heard about managing non-monogamy in a long-term relationship. It’s titled, strangely enough, The Best Non-Monogamy Advice I Ever Got, and here’s the teaser:

I wish I could remember who told me this, so I could thank them. If it was you, consider yourself thanked.

It’s the best piece of advice I ever got about non-monogamy. And I want to share it with the rest of the class.

It’s this:

If you’re a couple who’s considering opening up your relationship, but you have anxieties and apprehensions and feelings of jealousy, and they’re stopping you from going forward?

Think — carefully — about what exactly it is you’re afraid of.

And then make your non-monogamy arrangements to address those particular feelings and fears.

Don’t just say, “I feel jealous,” or, “I’m afraid this will destroy our relationship.” Get specific. What — exactly — is it that you fear will happen? Think carefully. Search your souls.

And then set up your agreement so the things you’re afraid of don’t happen. (Or are less likely to happen. Or don’t happen very intensely, or very often.)

Here are some examples.

To hear some specific examples of how you can arrange your non-monogamy to address your fears about it — and to hear more about this principle in general — read the rest of the piece. Enjoy!


  1. says

    It doesn’t look like this has been republished anywhere. I (and many of your other fans) would love to read it if you were to do so…

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