Yes, believe it or not, I have one more post up on the Blowfish blog about cheating in sexless relationships. Part 1 and Part 2 of the “Is Cheating Ever Okay?” series have sparked the most lively conversation to date on the Blowfish Blog, and it’s way too interesting for to drop at this point.
In the latest piece (and last in this series for a while, I promise), I look at the question of cheating in sexless relationships… and connect it to the question of how high a priority we place on sex. It’s called Morals, Deprivation, And Prioritizing Sex: Is Cheating Ever Okay? Part 3: The Blowfish Blog, and here’s the teaser:
I’m not saying that all anti-cheating advocates are trivializing sex. But I am saying that, in the debates about cheating in sexless relationships, I’m seeing what I consider to be a disproportionate emphasis on the cheating… and a similarly disproportionate lack of attention to the sexlessness, and the harm that it can do, and the difficult moral bind that it puts people in.
To find out more about how I think placing a high priority on sex affects the ethical question of cheating, read the rest of the piece. Enjoy!
So, I just finished watching Casablanca again.
I find it striking that even though it was made in 1949, the three characters in a love triangle fully understand that monogamous marriage is non-binding in the case of one of the partners going missing.
(I hope that the parallel discussion we’re having about prostitution won’t affect our attitudes here.)
I’ve said before I don’t think it’s right to view such relationships as contracts. A contract is something cold and unfeeling, while a romantic relationship is based on love. That means that *sometimes* you will have to accept being treated unfairly for the sake of the emotional connection you share with your partner.
That said, the person who stops having sex could be doing this for one of three possible reasons.
1) He/She hates you. If so, break up.
2) He/She is having psychological problems. If so, he/she needs your help; you HAVE to stick with them and help them get through it. It may last for a long time, but with your support and the help of a professional it will eventually go away.
3) It’s biological (no sex drive). I think this may be the situation you are referring to. Here, there are two options:
a) The person with the low libido can take medication to increase it (Wellbutrin springs to mind). This is the best solution, since it results in more enjoyment for both parties involved.
b) The person with the high libido can take medication to decrease it (this one may require more careful research). If you lose your sex drive, you won’t miss sex any more so you’ll be happy with celibacy.
Both are perfectly feasible, and equally fair in my book.
Maybe I’m oversimplifying things here… but the way I see it, there’s always a solution if you just sit down and talk about the problem.