Quantcast

«

»

May 15 2008

They Said Yes!

AisleThey said yes!

The California Supreme Court said yes.

Ingrid and I can get married now. Legally. (Or we can in 30 days, when the ruling takes effect.)

I kind of don’t know what to say about this. I’m still processing it. And it still could be overturned: it looks like there’s going to be a ballot initiative in November to amend the state Constitution to ban same-sex marriage, and it could pass. And of course, all of this is going to affect the Presidential election, and I have no idea how that’s going to play out. So part of me is freaking the fuck out.

But the other part of me is so thrilled I can’t speak. We’ve been waiting for this for so long. And — how shall I put this? — we’ve been not waiting for this for so long. When I first came out (over 20 years ago now), same-sex marriage wasn’t even on the table. It never even occurred to me that it would be an option.

I don’t yet know what to say. I’m sure I’ll have more to say in the coming days, weeks, and months. But I know I want to say this now:

Things change. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that things don’t change.

35 comments

Skip to comment form

  1. 1
    TC

    I was sitting at the computer hitting “Refresh”, waiting for the headline.
    Schwarzenegger has said he supports the ruling, and opposes the ballot initiative. I don’t exactly want to hug him – he did veto the marriage equality bill twice – but I’m glad he’s not using this to pander to the right. (Though I hear that doesn’t work as well in California nowadays …)
    The question I’m waiting for is: will this be appealed to a federal court?

  2. 2
    cognitive dissident

    Will it affect the presidential election? Probably, but not as catastrophically as it did 4 years ago.
    When the ballot initiative fails, this ruling will affect many lives in many ways…never underestimate the power of a good example.
    P.S. Did you set a date yet?

  3. 3
    Leigh Shryock

    If this happens to pan out, I want to give you my most heart-felt congratulations. I’m very happy for you two.

  4. 4
    Taxorgian

    Not much to say except congratulations from me as well. I hoped they would decide this way, but feared they wouldn’t. I don’t live in California, and I’m straight, but it’s welcome news all the same. Long time reader, very seldom commenter.

  5. 5
    Natasha

    Yay! This is fabulous! As a lucky married lesbian up in Canada, I am so happy to see the good decisions spreading. Now, let’s hope for the best as far as appeals and crap go…

  6. 6
    Nentuaby

    Nice. I think living in California specifically is the only reason I’ve not run screaming from the U.S.
    (As an aside, it’s odd to think about the fact that this could, in theory, have a *direct* impact on my life… I’m bisexual, but I’ve never actually happened to become involved with a member of my own sex, so it always seems a bit surreal that this kind of thing is not, in fact, happening to other people, or even affecting me in that knock-on ‘it makes all of society freer’ way.)

  7. 7
    Infophile

    Now that’s very nice to hear. If things go over like they did in Canada, once people see that gay marriage isn’t a catastrophe, the initiative to change the constitution will fail miserably, so I think you’re pretty safe.
    Which also means I’m safe to say, “Congratulations!” in anticipation of a wedding.

  8. 8
    lunalelle

    *crosses fingers that the ballot initiative doesn’t go through*

  9. 9
    Lorenzo

    Congratulations! I read your bloq quite often, but I rarely comment. I don’t know very much about the US legal process (I am from Spain), but hope the initiative spreads thorough the rest of the US. Here in Spain we’ve got same-sex marriage since 2004.

  10. 10
    Mike Haubrich, FCD

    Another Supreme Court understands what Civil Rights really means. I am proud of having lived in California for this. I say get out there and do voter registrations and push to vote so that everyone that believes in freedom will vote to protect it from the people who think that equal rights are subject to a vote to suppress them.

  11. 11
    the chaplain

    Congratulations! I know there are still hurdles ahead, but this is a huge step forward. You are absolutely correct to celebrate it. I think that any future setbacks, should they occur, will ultimately be short-lived. Society is marching forward regardless of the wills of those who prefer to hold it back. Best wishes to you and Ingrid.

  12. 12
    Ebonmuse

    Congratulations, Greta! This is great news! I hope it’s not too soon to celebrate, but I’m so happy for you and Ingrid right now.
    When the day comes, you’ll have to post an address where we can send flowers. :)

  13. 13
    Vanessa

    Yay for California! Yay for you and Ingrid!
    Yet another occasion to wear your wedding dresses. :)

  14. 14
    efrique

    I was happy to read about this earlier.
    On the other hand, I was just watching O’Reilly going apeshit about it (and, as usual, lying through his fat mouth about it). So doubtless there will be some backlash.
    My fingers are crossed.

  15. 15
    Tommykey

    I hope it works out that you and Ingrid can get married Greta.
    One question, will the Barefoot Bum be invited to the ceremony?

  16. 16
    Laura Upstairs

    So, should we all make an appointment together?

  17. 17
    Greta and Ingrid

    “So, should we all make an appointment together?”
    Hell, yes!

  18. 18
    Brock

    TC,
    State supreme court rulings can be appealed to the US Supreme Court, but since there is no federal issue at stake, the US Supreme Court will not hear the case.
    Congratulations, Greta and Ingrid, and kudos to California! And don’t worry about possible impact on the Presidential election. California is not a swing state, and I doubt there will be any spillover. (If it were Ohio, Florida, or Pennsylvania, I’d be worried.)

  19. 19
    Jocelyn

    Peter & I both think that now California needs to turn around and re-acknowledge all those marriages that took place in that narrow window 4 years ago. That would be highly appropriate. However, that shouldn’t get in the way of the excuse to celebrate again!! Meanwhile, hugs & kisses to both of you!

  20. 20
    Jon Berger

    So, will you be having another party?
    You’ll need to get another license. Justice Kennard addressed this point in her (mercifully) brief concurrence: this doesn’t change the fact that the Lockyer v. San Francisco case permanently voided the San Francisco licenses. I assume that Newsom will have enough class to waive the license fee for those that paid for one that ultimately got voided by the Supreme Court (or did they send out refunds? I never thought about that point before), but this doesn’t reinstate those licenses. That means you get to be part of the big crowd down at the courthouse on June 16, and that should be quite a party.
    I’m not all that concerned about backlash, personally. As Brock pointed out, the chances that this swings California to McCain seem pretty remote to me. In fact, since the Democrats, for a miracle, seem poised to run an election that isn’t all about kissing the butts of the so-called Reagan Democrats and is instead trying to appeal to the 50% or so of eligible voters who haven’t previously been involved in elections, it might have the opposite effect: it might bring out younger Obama voters who would otherwise stay home.
    I personally think that the Cal Supremes might get involved again if this ballot initiative passes. They spent 120 pages writing about how denying marriage to same-sex couples violates the equal-protection guarantee in the constitution, so that’s California law now, because they said so. If the constitution is amended to say that there’s no same-sex marriage, that doesn’t change the fact that they said this is an equal-protection violation, so what we’re going to have is a constitution that says two contradictory things, because nobody’s going to actually remove the equal-protection language. I think that there’s a limit to how much internal inconsistency the initiative process can introduce into the constitution, and I think the Supremes might want to consider that. We’ll see.
    I should add that I was gobstopped by this outcome, and so were all the leftie lawyers I’m connected to through various online email lists. NOBODY thought they were going to say yes. Especially, nobody thought Chief Justice George was going to say yes; he’s a former deputy Attorney General and usually a strict-constructionist type who would rather have his kidney removed with a spoon than invade the province of the legislature. And he not only signed on, he wrote the flippin’ opinion. The question on everyone’s lips yesterday was “Who are you and what have you done with Ron George?” But as you say, things change. It’s pretty amazing.

  21. 21
    Michael DePaula

    What a great day, huh? Boy, we sure were grinning at the office today when the word went out. What a triumph even if there are still other hurdles to jump.
    Best of wishes to you Greta.

  22. 22
    Joseph R.

    I live in NC and am a hetero white male. All I’ve got so say is, it’s about time. Finally somebody with some sense and power pulled their collective head out of their ass and is making sense. Maybe other states will follow suit. Last night I asked my wife if we were good. She confirmed that our marriage is as strong as ever. I despise bigotry, and those who espouse same sex marriage as the downfall of the institution of marriage, disgust me.

  23. 23
    Laura Upstairs

    Yes, refunds were offered on the same-sex marriage fees from 2004, but many of us preferred to let the City keep the money and donated it to their fund to pursue the court case that was decided yesterday.
    http://www.sfgov.org/site/countyclerk_index.asp?id=30585

  24. 24
    Griff

    I’m just so happy that my man and I can now actually get married. My mom and dad, who are also LGBT and with same-sex partners, were overjoyed to hear it (they avoid the news, so I got to call each of them and deliver it). My ex-spouse and my two kids were also very happy for us – my ex and my partner are good friends; I got lucky that my ex and I are also good friends.
    My partner’s mom is a devout Mormon and has really struggled with the fact that her only son is gay, though. When he called her last night to tell her the news, she tried very hard to sound happy for us, but I’m certain she got off the phone and cried – and not out of happiness. That makes me sad in some ways, but in others I feel like “If this doesn’t bring it home to her that he’s gay and that’s the way it is, nothing’s going to.”
    About that horrible initiative: I don’t think it’s going to pass. I do think that we need to get every single Democratic (and intelligent non-Dem moderate) body out there to the voting booths to oppose it, but I also think that Obama will bring the youth vote to the polls in force -and the youth vote overwhelmingly supports SSM. Meantime, the Freepers don’t want McSame to be president; he’s just what they have available, and he’s not going to bring the vote to the polls. It’ll be a Bob Dole situation.
    That said, be on your guard and make sure people vote against the initiative. I hope it’ll be like it was in Massachusetts four years ago where the initiative kept dying until they finally gave up.

  25. 25
    TheNerd

    CONGRATULATIONS!
    This makes me so happy!
    And yet it is tinged with sadness that we even have to fight for equal rights, that people even want to take them away.
    I’m keeping up the good fight here in Indiana, and in time we should be right up there with you.

  26. 26
    Steven

    Good news! This decision to legalize same-sex marriage in California puts the state in good company with other civilized spots like my own province of Ontario. The whole debate seems like such old news to me that I can’t believe it’s still a hot-button issue in the U.S. One of the few things one of our late, unlamented Prime Ministers got right is that the state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation.

  27. 27
    Amii

    I was thrilled to hear the outcome yesterday – couldn’t even wait for confirmation before I was spreading the word.
    Just wait and see how gay marriage improves marital statistics! How could it not? A large percentage of hetero marriages really did come about because of procreation (read shotgun), or drunken nights in Vegas or to piss off the folks, etc. Observation tells me that gay couples that wish to marry have generally been together for years (often double digits) and have considered the matter thoroughly. That is going to prove very embarrassing for the fundies.

  28. 28
    nina hartley

    It’s about fucking time! The antis will be out in force between now and election time, so we’ve got to be out in even greater force, and I mean that in both senses of the word.
    I’ve never, in all my days, been able to figure out how making marriage legal for any two people “degrades” het marriage. We’re not asking you to fucking marry someone of your own gender, people! Why does whom I marry get in the way of whom YOU want to marry? I don’t want your partner, and you don’t want mine. I’m cool with that. Why can’t you be cool with it, too? Oh, right, bigotry isn’t based on logic. I forget sometimes.
    I’m married to a man, but my aunt has been with her partner for 47 years, and they should be allowed to marry, goddamnit!

  29. 29
    David Harmon

    Jon berger: . The question on everyone’s lips yesterday was “Who are you and what have you done with Ron George?”
    Shhh! Never look a gift replicant in the mouth! ;-)

  30. 30
    Serina

    Hallelujah!! I’m so thrilled that CA finally reversed the anal-cranial inversion under which it was laboring. Of course, this is a long way from becoming law, but congratulations to you and Ingrid. I’m a singer; do you need someone to sing at your wedding? :)

  31. 31
    Jon Berger

    I think Nina may be right. I checked with my wife, and I can confidently say that this hasn’t degraded our marriage. We were worried that as soon as it became possible to marry someone of the same sex, we’d both immediately want to do that, but in fact, it turns out we don’t. I have to assume that this is more of a problem for the God Squad guys who are bloviating about same-sex marriages degrading their own marriages, but we’re ok over here, in case anyone was concerned.
    Incidentally, what a nice tribute to Mildred Loving, who died a couple of weeks ago. She’s the African American woman who was one of the appellants in Loving v. Virginia, the 1967 case that struck down the laws against interracial marriage which existed in 17 states at the time. I think I can guess what Mrs. Loving would say about yesterday’s decision. Loving Day, the anniversary of the day the Loving v. Virgina decision came down, is June 12, which is only a couple of days before the 30-day mark when the Marriage Cases decision takes effect, so maybe someone will come up with a way to combine the two celebrations.

  32. 32
    Serina

    Hallelujah!! I’m so thrilled that CA finally reversed the anal-cranial inversion under which it was laboring. Of course, this is a long way from becoming law, but congratulations to you and Ingrid. I’m a singer; do you need someone to sing at your wedding? :)

  33. 33
    Griff

    @Serina: Actually, the moment the decision was released, it became law – and not just statute, but part of the California constitutional precedents.

  34. 34
    Karin W

    Jon Berger, I am SO GLAD that your marriage has not been degraded within the last few days that queers have been allowed to marry! I think all of you not in same sex relationships need to make sure you are vigilant in this regard. You know, this will be part of our secret strategy to defeat the initiative. We will try our best to get all you loving opposite sex couples to realize the error of your ways and come over to our side and before you know it, the only opposite sex couples left will be the fundamentalists!
    Seriously, I yelled when I saw the news on-line and then I started crying. The thought that within my lifetime (I’m almost 55) that this could really happen. So while my partner of 24 years and I are not sure we will get married, there is just something so amazing life-changing about knowing that we can get married. And I think we will win in November, although it will be a rough and ugly fight. And I do agree that if by chance we don’t win, it would be very inconsistent for the Supremes to let the initiative come into law given that it is directly contradictory to their decision in this case.

  35. 35
    Anthony Kennerson

    Finally….a court that actually is rooted in the real world.
    I’m not even gay, and I salute the California Supreme Court on their decision. To me, it’s not even about gay marriage or even gay sex, but plain, simple Goddess-damn JUSTICE.
    There is just simply nothing that says that two people of the same gender should be denied the same rights and privileges and responsibilities to cement their relationship through marriage as straight, hetero people currently have.
    I’m just so fearful, though, that this will simply bring out the worst in the right-wing fundies, who will attempt in the inevitable initiative to repeal this decision to play the “race vs. sex” card to divide and conquer progressives. And…let’s not forget that even if this initiative is defeated, they will simply come back with another and another; the Right is not well known for taking defeats lightly.
    It may be the beginning of the end for anti-gay prejudice..but it’s also the end of the beginning of a long and protracted struggle. But, in the meantime, it’s perfectly OK to celebrate this decision….as Nina put it, it’s about damn time.
    Anthony

Leave a Reply