I have a new piece up on the Blowfish Blog. It’s a reply to a piece by fellow Blowfish Blogger Rebekah Skoor on dry spells, periods in your life when you’re not having any sex — and worse, don’t want any. The culprit in this particular case seemed to be time and stress and overscheduling. And since I’ve been there myself (and still go there off and on), I wanted to write a reply about some of the things that have worked for me. It’s called Dry Spells: A Reply, and here’s the teaser:
But honestly? The thing thatâs helped most of anything is that tired old couples-counseling workhorse: scheduling and setting aside time for sex.
I know. Scheduling sex sounds so unsexy. And when you’re not in the mood to have sex anyway, the last thing in the world you want to do is block out time for it in your datebook.
But I’ve found that it works — for two big reasons.
Reason One is purely practical, purely a tackling of the symptoms. If I wait until my life settles down to get back in the mood, I’m going to wait a very long time. At the rate I’m going, my life will probably settle down when I’m in my coffin. I have to schedule time for the things that matter to me — otherwise, they’ll never happen. And that includes sex.
But Reason Two gets to the actual heart of the problem.
To find out why I think scheduling sex can get to the heart of the problem in a sexual dry spell, read the rest of the piece. Enjoy!