Mormon Mafia Getting Asses Kicked

The Mormon Church is in lust with Prop 08, which would amend California’s constitution to destroy same-sex couples their chance at wedded bliss. They’ve spent upwards of $10 million, deployed doorknockers, engaged in extortion, and made a general nuisance of themselves trying to legislate their morality. If you’re in California, you’ve likely gotten a phone call from these fuckers trying to arm-twist you into voting yes for discrimination.

They won’t be calling you again:

The Mormon church, whose members have emerged as the leading backers of a ballot measure to end same-sex marriage in California, is scaling back its Utah campaign operation but will continue to support the initiative.

Church members will no longer be making phone calls from Utah to California voters, Kim Farah, a spokeswoman for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, said in a prepared statement Friday.

And what led to this welcome state of affairs? People like you. The Courage Campaign and NO activists exposed their fuckery, applied public pressure, and sent them reeling.

If you want to apply the boot and kick some self-righteous ass, you can sign a letter to President-Prophet Thomas Monson expressing your desire for him to knock off the moral mafiosi tactics. Then you can donate a few bucks to NO. Send them a message:

The lesson we should take from all of this is to keep it up. Keep up the focus on the Mormons. Keep exposing their lies and blackmail. Keep pointing out the hypocrisy of a religion funding lies and distortions. We can respect their freedom to choose not to conduct same-sex marriages, we only ask that they respect Californians to make up our own minds on whether we should take away the rights of loving couples to marry.

The moral mafiosi are relentless.

So are we.

(Tip o’ the shot glass to Teddy Partridge at Firedoglake)

Crazy Christian Ladies Can Run, but They Can’t Hide


Never underestimate the power of the Woozle to expose to daylight what you’d rather hide. So much for trying to delete a shameful post. This will remain long after the cached page is gone.

Janine from Farmington, who used to be Raani from Ft. Worth, tried to password-protect her blog to hide it from the prying eyes of us sodomite-loving godless sorts, but funny thing about Google cache – it allows you to view the page in all its wretched glory. The latest offering is a rather spectacularly hateful guest post by Pastor Anderson, in which he manages to misinterpret Genesis to a remarkable degree:

2. How Do the Sodomites Recruit Others to their Lifestyle?

Every Sodomite in the Bible is a rapist or molester. The Bible tells three sickening stories about Sodomites and every one of the three stories involves someone being violated against their will.

Example #1

And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard: And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent. And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without. And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father’s nakedness. And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him. – Genesis 9:20-24

The first Sodomite mentioned in the Bible is Ham. Ham took advantage of his own father Noah while he was drunk. He didn’t just see his father’s nakedness; the Bible says that Noah knew what his younger son had done unto him. The first example of homosexuality in the Bible involves a person being violated against his will.

A normal person (i.e., not a frothing fundie with a sick as fuck mind) reads the following sequence of events: Ham sees Noah drunk and naked, ran out and blabbed to his brothers, said brothers squeamishly backed into the tent and covered Daddy up without looking, and Noah got pissed because he found out Ham had ratted him out for being a naked drunken slob.

Pastor Anderson, however, somehow pictures a rape scene. I’d hate to see his Rorschach test results.

After much more picking apart the Bible for filthy bits in order to prove his fucktarded theories, the Pastor solemnly calls for intolerance:

It is time that preachers and Baptist people take a stand against the Sodomite freaks and turn off the television that tries to shove their perversion down our throat. God help a generation of Christians that does not think that homosexuality is “that bad.” We need a revival of old-fashioned righteous indignation and hatred for sin and perverts.

The next time someone tries to ban pornography while extolling the Bible and its virtues, at least I have a list of salacious verses to point them to.

This is the face of fundamentalist Christian love. These are the sorts of people extorting companies that support No on Prop 8. These are the types who cheer on abortion clinic bombers. This is Sarah Palin’s fan club.

And they want to run this country.

Expose them. Ridicule them. Drive them back to the fringe where they belong.

Woozle’s Glorious Open Letter to a Crazy Christian Lady

Our own Woozle wrote an open letter to that Jesus freak who believes gay-friendly schools should be bombed. It has only one weakness: it’s not getting the audience it should.

Dear crazy Christian lady,

I’m writing because you seem like a nice person except for certain things you have said which frighten me a great deal. I want you to understand that those things are not true, and that you believe them only because you and your family are being used by people who want you to be afraid of reality so that they can control you.

There are certainly plenty of things to be afraid of in this world, but non-heterosexuals are the least of your worries. Most non-heterosexuals have been teased and abused all their lives; they know how it feels to be hated, they know what it feels like to be hurt, and consequently they are much less likely to hate or harm you, your family, or your friends than someone who has not had these experiences.

Do homosexuals and transsexuals routinely vandalize the property of heterosexuals, threaten their families, assault them in the street, rape and murder them? No, but the reverse is certainly true; there are entire web sites dedicated to the ever-growing roster of innocents murdered by the sort of hate you are nurturing…

Woozle goes on to take her down on her own turf. This letter might even make a few God-blind buggers think about their faith, using the Bible to shake them out of their culture war complacency. If you ever get into a debate with people like Crazy Christian Lady, this letter will be an essential resource.

Go make good use of it.

Dana’s Woodshed Part 2: Bigoted Buffoons

I usually don’t filch my news from Pharyngula, considering how many of you are disciples of our Cephalopod Overlord, but George W. pointed this perfect pearl of deluded dumbfuckery, and I have to agree: it’s worth reproducing here:

You really don’t want to read about another terrifying crazy Republican woman, do you? Too bad. Here it is: a good Christian homeschooling mom who doesn’t like gay people. And by “doesn’t like”, I mean “wants them stoned to death and everything they touch blown up.”

A friend recently sent me this article about a “gay-friendly” high school. If we were living in a biblical society, homosexuality would be punishable by death so such a school would be unnecessary. Although I’m against the special accommodations, perhaps this new trend of segregation will protect straight kids from these predators. With any luck, some radical will blow up the gay school. No, I’m not condoning vigilantism–I’m merely saying that it would be poetic justice.

Firstly: I weep for the quality of homeschooling when the schoolers have no fucking clue what “poetic justice” actually is. Since gays aren’t in the habit of blowing up “straight” schools, and therefore aren’t likely to blow up a gay-friendly school by mistake, there is zero chance of poetic justice.

Secondly: I would like to thank this bigot for providing such a stark demonstration of the moral foundations of Biblical teachings. For those more moderate (read: less murderous) Christians, this should be a rather shocking wake-up call as to what we could expect if our society were, in all its particulars, biblical.

Thirdly: For all of you who don’t believe gays don’t face homicidal hatred from decent Christian folk, this should have just rudely ripped the scales from your eyes.

As a writer, I shouldn’t experience failures of imagination, but I have never been able to wrap my mind around anti-gay animas. I find it easier to comprehend the inner life of a shark. I’ve often found sharks pleasanter company than these pious folks who believe that sexual orientation is such a threat to civilization that gays should be subjected to a Holocaust.

And finally, a word to the author of this filth: you are most certainly “condoning vigilantism,” you fucktard. You can’t weasel out of it by saying you’re not when your entire piece cheers it on.

People like her convinced me God doesn’t exist. I could think of no reason why, if He did, and He was as loving as these morons claimed He is, why He didn’t turn them over His knee for a little tough love. It was only much later that the thought occurred to me that He might be the biggest bigot of them all, but by then, I had other reasons not to believe.

Right, then, on to our next bigot: Ames at Submitted to a Candid World recently published a fantastic piece on patterns in presidential elections, which is worth reading in and of itself. But it’s the comments I now direct your attention to, and in particular, one RandyT, whose pearls of wisdom include the following:

eletists like you are the reason this country is in such trouble. George Bush has done everything to protect America and you America hating types can only point out the problems not solutions. you solution is more government more goverment more more more. Why? Is it because you don’t have the courage to help yourself? you make me sick.

RandyT, I refuse to be lectured by a nasty, small-minded jerk who can’t spell and has such a poor grasp on proper capitalization. You make me sick, you inane lackwit.

Ames is a wonderful human being. He and his readers spent the thread educating RandyT, trying to talk him down from his ledge of stupidity before he could do himself an injury. We need a lot more kind and caring people like them. I wish I could be one. Alas, I am more of the Riggs school of suicide prevention:

Confession time: In my darkest moments, when I’ve been inundated by the relentless idiocy of wingnuts, religious frothers, and other assorted batshit-insane 28-percenters, along with the other 20% or so of this country still slavishly loyal to the Cons, I do wish McCain would be elected. It is for the same reason that Riggs took that suicide on a several-story fall: I hope it would be the short, sharp shock that would jolt them out of their stupidity. I want them to come begging for Obama’s “socialist” policies. I want them to grovel for his foreign policy. I want them to see that the destruction Bush began is only the beginning, and that the worst disaster we’ve ever faced isn’t an African-American in office, but another fucking Con.

But it’s not worth destroying America completely just to prove to these people how deluded they are. Besides, unlike a man having a very bad day, they’re too lost in their fantasy world for anything so small as the total disintegration of America to snap them out of it.

So. If Ames & Co. can’t reach ’em, and a good session with the Smack-o-Matic doesn’t correct ’em, fuck ’em. There’s enough sane people in America now to push these bigoted fuckwits to the fringes where they belong.

Nice Try, Bill-O, but You’re No Proof of God

Quite the opposite, in fact.

Bill writes:

Next time you meet an atheist, tell him or her that you know a bold, fresh guy, a barbarian who was raised in a working-class home and retains the lessons he learned there.

Then mention to that atheist that this guy is now watched and listened to, on a daily basis, by millions of people all over the world and, to boot, sells millions of books.

Then, while the non-believer is digesting all that, ask him or her if they still don’t believe there’s a God!

I still don’t believe there’s a God, Bill. In fact, I just found my God Belief Quotient sinking further into the negative numbers with that statement of yours.

What I do believe is that you’re one of the most deluded, narcissistic, self-aggrandizing, fucked-up megalosers of all time. The only reason you “succeeded” in life is because an appreciable fraction of America consists of fucked-up megalosers with an inferiority complex who are looking for a Fucked-up Megaloser Messiah to tell them that their rampant stupidity, apalling ignorance, and stunted religion are signs that they’re actually somebodies rather than nobodies. You got put on the air because you’re not afraid to strut your ignorance and bigotry in public, and advertisers know your listeners are guillable enough to buy anything, including your books.

I don’t believe in God because there are excellent, rational reasons for not doing so. I’m happy I don’t believe in God because of fuckwits like you. I feel sorry for those friends of mine who believe in God, because their belief is tainted by your megaloserocity.

You’re the anti-proof of God, Bill. I’m glad that evolution isn’t a conscious process, because it would be tragic to think that it intentionally created someone as ridiculous as you.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go bleach my brain.

Bill Donahue Strikes Again

Is it possible for the Catholic League’s Bill “Frothing Insane” Donahue to sound even more ridiculous than he did during the Great Cracker Controversy?

Oh, my, yes:

The Catholic League’s Bill Donohue comes to Sarah Palin’s defense now that the video of her being blessed by Thomas Muthee has been making its way into the mainstream media, accusing the “chattering class” of ridiculing Palin’s faith and demanding that they respect Muthee’s apparent belief in witchcraft:

“Witchcraft is a sad reality in many parts of Africa, resulting in scores of deaths in Kenya over the past two decades. Bishop Muthee’s blessing, then, was simply a reflection of his cultural understanding of evil. While others are not obliged to accept his interpretation, all can be expected to respect it. More than that—Muthee should be hailed for asking God to shield Palin from harmful forces, however they may be manifested. And for this he is mocked and Palin ridiculed?

“We know that many cultural elites have a hard time embracing religion, but is it too much to ask that they at least show some manners when discussing subjects which most Americans hold dear?”

Now, Bill. I know you’re off your meds, but let’s try to face a little reality, here. Firstly, witchcraft isn’t a “sad reality.” Superstitious buggers believing in witchcraft and murdering people over that inane belief is. There’s an important difference, which I’m sure you’re not quite equipped to appreciate there.

Secondly, no, all can’t “be expected to respect” some frothing fundie’s superstitious claptrap. You yourself don’t respect others’ beliefs. You took off after poor Pastor Hagee for his sincerely-held belief that the Catholic church is the Great Whore.

That’s not even to bring up your incredible anti-gay, anti-secular Jew, and anti-anyone-who-doesn’t-think-exactly-like-Bill-Donahue bias.

“Gay death style?” “I’m pretty good at picking out queers”? Your language, Mister, is positively outrageous. Your little tantrums are increasingly tiresome. Is it too much to ask that you at least show some manners when letting your bigotry hang out in public?

Hooray, Tax Revenue!

Courtesy of some right-wing churches that want to have their cake and eat it, too, it looks like we could be in for a windfall:

Following up on an item from a few weeks ago, federal tax law, as it relates to tax-exempt religious ministries, is pretty clear — houses of worship may not legally intervene in political campaigns, either in support of or opposition to a candidate or a party. Those who violate the law run the risk of losing their tax-exempt status.

The Alliance Defense Fund, a prominent far-right legal-advocacy group, came up with a plan — convince conservative Christian pastors to break the law, on purpose, invite IRS punishment, and then take the whole issue to court in order to challenge the law itself.

They called the plan “Pulpit Freedom Sunday,” which was held yesterday in 33 churches across the country.

Defying a federal law that prohibits U.S. clergy from endorsing political candidates from the pulpit, an evangelical Christian minister told his congregation Sunday that voting for Sen. Barack Obama would be evidence of “severe moral schizophrenia.”

The Rev. Ron Johnson Jr. told worshipers that the Democratic presidential nominee’s positions on abortion and gay partnerships exist “in direct opposition to God’s truth as He has revealed it in the Scriptures.” Johnson showed slides contrasting the candidates’ views but stopped short of endorsing Obama’s Republican opponent, Sen. John McCain.

Johnson and 32 other pastors across the country set out Sunday to break the rules, hoping to generate a legal battle that will prompt federal courts to throw out a 54-year-old ban on political endorsements by tax-exempt houses of worship.

The ministers contend they have a constitutional right to advise their worshipers how to vote. As Johnson put it during a break between sermons, “The point that the IRS says you can’t do it, I’m saying you’re wrong.”

At first blush, this may sound compelling. If a church wants to endorse a candidate, it’s the church’s business, right? If congregations don’t like it, they can go to another church. If a pastor passes the collection plate for John McCain during Sunday services, church members can contribute or not contribute. This isn’t, the argument goes, any of the government’s business.

But this falls apart pretty quickly. Tax law doesn’t stifle free speech; it applies conditions to tax exemptions.

I do believe this little stunt’s going to go over about as well as their repeated attempts to teach creationism in science class. Maybe we can pay for the eventual bailout by taxing churches that are too stupid and pompous to believe the tax laws should apply to them.

Hopefully, this moronic move will make it to the Supreme Court. I could use the entertainment. I do so love watching arrogant assholes get bitch-slapped by Constitutional law.

Persistent IDiots, Aren’t They?

They’re too stupid to give up. Here’s yet another creationist-infested school board getting ready to toss millions of dollars down the shitter just so they can shove their religious claptrap down kids’ throats:

The Brunswick County school board is looking for a way for creationism to be taught in the classroom side by side with evolution.

“It’s really a disgrace for the state school board to impose evolution on our students without teaching creationism,” county school board member Jimmy Hobbs said at Tuesday’s meeting. “The law says we can’t have Bibles in schools, but we can have evolution, of the atheists.”

Yes, you fuckwit. That’s because evolution isn’t a fucking religion – it’s science. Not that you would know what science is. Fucking morons.

The topic came up after county resident Joel Fanti told the board he thought it was unfair for evolution to be taught as fact, saying it should be taught as a theory because there’s no tangible proof it’s true.

“I wasn’t here 2 million years ago,” Fanti said. “If evolution is so slow, why don’t we see anything evolving now?”

What the fuck is wrong with these people? Why do they seem to believe they had to be there to personally witness events over millions of years before they’re valid? And did this dumbass ever consider the fact he wasn’t here 6,000 years ago, either? Let me ask you a question, Joel: if God is such a badass, why aren’t we seeing him babbling from burning bushes now? I haven’t personally seen Jesus in the flesh: therefore, he must not have ever existed.

See how that cuts both ways?

Not to mention the fact that evolution is fucking everywhere. Joel could step into any bloody biology lab in the country and watch evolution happen right before his god-blind eyes. The only thing not evolving is the fucking creationists.

Board attorney Joseph Causey said it might be possible for the board to add creationism to the curriculum if it doesn’t replace the teaching of evolution.

Schools’ Superintendent Katie McGee said her staff would do research.

Babson said the board must look at the law to see what it says about teaching creationism, but that “if we can do it, I think we ought to do it.”

Let me save you the time and expense: you can’t do it. No way, no how, no creationism.

You know what I think an easy solution to this is? Make these fuckers pay. Instead of the schools having to foot the legal bills for yet another hopeless attempt to replace science with fundamentalist Christian bullshit, make the dumbfucks who propose this crap pay for the pleasure. If school board members were personally on the hook for the expense, some of them might not be so eager to tilt at windmills. Even if not, at least the money would be coming out of church pockets (because you know they’d take up a bloody collection). Schools shouldn’t have to pay for creationist stupidity.

(Tip o’ the shot glass to Tristero)

Child Porn, An Evangelical, and Me Old Hometown

Damn, it looks like I missed some interesting times:

Evangelist Tony Alamo was arrested Thursday in Flagstaff, Arizona, on charges related to a child porn investigation, an FBI spokesman said.

The 74-year-old founder and leader of Tony Alamo Christian Ministries was arrested without incident at 2:45 p.m. (4:45 p.m. ET) as he was departing the Little America Hotel with his wife, said Manuel Johnson, spokesman for the FBI in Phoenix, Arizona.

The FBI, the Flagstaff Police Department and the Arizona Department of Public Safety were involved in the arrest, he said.

Alamo was charged under a federal statute with having knowingly transported a minor across state lines with the intent to engage in sexual activity, Johnson said.

What the fuck is up with evangelical megastars and their penchant for sex scandals? Is it just me, or do they seem to have more of them than ordinary famous people?

It gets worse:

Federal agents and Arkansas state police had raided the headquarters of Tony Alamo Christian Ministries in tiny Fouke on Saturday and removed six girls ages 10 to 17. They sought evidence that children there had been molested or filmed having sex.

Prosecutors sought Alamo’s arrest after interviewing the girls this week, but Frazier would not disclose what the children said.

Six little girls? Sounds like he had himself a stable of victims. And I’m sure the parents and the community thought it was just fine to let him collect kids, because after all, he’s a minister and can totally be trusted because he’s a man of God. He’s got Jesus in him – he said so:

Asked why authorities were searching the property, Alamo compared himself to Christ.

“Why were they after Jesus?” he asked. “It’s the same reason. Jesus is living within me.”

What a fuckwit. He’s even less coherent than Sarah Palin. I’m no expert on the life and times of Jesus, but as far as I recall, the authorities didn’t take off after him because he was fucking and filming little kids. Maybe Tony thinks they persecuted Jesus because Jesus was living within himself. I’m pretty fucking certain Jesus isn’t living within Tony, though, and I doubt that any of the law enforcement officers thought so, either. I’ve read extensively on the FBI, and hunting down people because they had Jesus in them never came up on the list of federal crimes the FBI investigates.

This guy is some sick piece of work. My hometown paper, the Arizona Daily Sun, took him apart:

The Southern Poverty Law Center, which tracks hate groups, describes the ministry as a cult. Alamo’s church rails against homosexuals, Roman Catholics and the government, and Alamo has preached that girls are fit for marriage once they are sexually mature.

“Consent is puberty,” he said in a phone interview with The Associated Press last week from Los Angeles while agents raided the compound. He denied any involvement with pornography.

Those must have been some pretty well-developed ten year olds they took off his property, then. What a sick fuck. And it’s not like no one could have seen this coming:

Alamo was convicted of tax-related charges in 1994 and served four years in prison after the IRS said he owed the government $7.9 million. Prosecutors in that case argued that Alamo was a flight risk and a polygamist who preyed on married women and girls in his congregation.

Disgusting son of a bitch. At least he’s too old to get out of jail, claim he’s rediscovered Jesus, and start preying again.

That’s something that always bothered me about Christianity: that get-out-of-jail-free card. Sin, confess, ask forgiveness, and hey presto! You’re free to repeat the cycle. Even during the couple of months I was Christian, that stuck in my craw. It’s too easy for con artists to take advantage of. Naive people think that because someone’s found the Lord and come back to the light, they’re safe, and then innocent people get hurt.

At least Tony won’t be preying in my hometown.

You’ve Got That Fucking Right

If all Christianity was like Margaret Cho’s, I’d enjoy having it around as much as Buddhism:

All kinds of Christians are getting mad about my Sarah Palin comments, and it is pissing me off.

First of all – you fucking fake Christians – don’t fucking question my Christianity. I grew up in the church. My grandfather was a minister, who is with God now and talks to me in my dreams from God’s corner office. I am a former Sunday school teacher. I taught the Bible to children and showed them how to love God and invite him into their hearts. I believe in God – but I don’t fear him. God is my best friend. God is my ally. God is my boyfriend. God is my best fag. I am God’s fag hag cuz didn’t you know, God is a big fag. Serious bottom too. Butch in the streets, femme in the sheets. That is my God. God is my biggest fan. God gets me, dude.

Can you believe it gets better? The fucking fake Christians get to take their righteous fucking teeth home in their hats. Pure awesome.

Atheists don’t need to fight fundamentalist Christianity. All we need is a few more Christians like Margaret Cho to aim their way, plenty of popcorn, and good seats.

(Tip o’ the shot glass to Kos)