Equal Protection for Me, but Not for Thee

Billmon and friends raise some good points regarding why Cons may suddenly be getting cold feet about Coleman battling all the way to the Supreme Court (h/t):

Our consideration is limited to the present circumstances, for the problem of equal protection in election processes generally presents many complexities.

Anton Scalia
Bush v. Gore
December, 2000

Fellow diarist Libertarian Friend notes that some of the asylum dwellers over at the National Review are experiencing intermittent flashes of rationality, which have led some of them to doubt the wisdom of the GOP’s strategy of tying up the Minnesota Senate race until hell freezes over or the Obama Administration is overthrown by the Glenn Beck militia movement, whichever comes first. Ramesh Ponnuru runs up the white flag:

If [Coleman] keeps up the fight, he is likely to lose, unnecessarily deprive Minnesota of a second senator, end his political career seen as a sore loser, and hurt his party in a state that is eager for this fight to be over.

Ponnuru doesn’t mention it, but I can’t help but wonder whether the prospect of Norm Coleman before the Supreme Court, a highlighted copy of the 14th Amendment in hand, doesn’t have something to do with his (and Powerline’s Scott Johnson’s) sudden conversion to cheese-eating surrender monkeying.

Maybe I’m wrong, maybe it was the electroshock therapy. But I’ve suspected for some time that conservatives would eventually have serious reservations about where Norm and his mouthpieces are trying to take them. Maybe it’s finally dawning on some of them that making a federal case out this election contest risks a long-term disaster for the GOP — one that would completely outweigh the short-term benefits of depriving the Democrats of their 59th vote.

After all, what Norm is threatening to do — if he can’t get his way in state court — is to demand that the US Supremes go storming through the equal protection door they opened just a crack, and then promptly tried to close again, in Bush v. Gore.

But if we’re really going to start vigorously applying the 14th Amendment to how votes are cast and counted in this country, then a whole bunch of GOP-friendly election realities are going to be open to constitutional challenge. How, for example, is it “equal” for poor and urban precincts to have 1/5th the number of voting machines per capita as wealthy surburban ones? Is it “equal” for election officials to routinely deny elderly, undereducated or inexperienced voters the assistance they need to understand complex, confusing and/or poorly constructed ballots? Is it “equal” for prosecutors to aggressively pursue registration fraud cases against ACORN, while generally ignoring those against GOP-leaning groups?

Can you say “disparate impact”? How about “protected class”?

Something tells me that’s a road they don’t wanna travel. Should be interesting watching them twist on the horns of that dilemma.

Equal Protection for Me, but Not for Thee
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Cramer Never Learns

I think Jon Stewart needs to bring this buffoon back on the show and issue a further spanking:

When I heard Jim Cramer “call” a new bull market the other days I actually laughed out loud. Not because I have any knowledge about that one way or the other, but because he’s been so spectacularly wrong so often that I find it amusing that he’s got the chutzpah to proclaim anything more controversial than that he expects the sun to come up tomorrow.

But Nouriel Roubini took him downtown:

Just weeks after “The Daily Show” host Jon Stewart took Cramer to task for trying to turn finance reporting into a “game,” famous bear economist Nouriel Roubini criticized Cramer on Tuesday for predicting bull markets.

“Cramer is a buffoon,” said Roubini, a New York University economics professor often called Dr. Doom. “He was one of those who called six times in a row for this bear market rally to be a bull market rally and he got it wrong. And after all this mess and Jon Stewart he should just shut up because he has no shame.”

[snip]

Roubini said in 2006 that the worst recession in four decades was on its way. He has attracted attention for his gloomy — and accurate — predictions of the U.S. financial market meltdown.

Roubini said the latest surge is just another bear market rally following the pattern of other rallies after the government intervened. He expects the market will test the previous low because of worse than expected macroeconomic news, disappointing earnings and because banks will fail after the stress tests come out.

“Once people get the reality check than it’s going to get ugly again,” Roubini said.

Roubini said Cramer should keep quiet.

“He’s not a credible analyst. Every time it was a bear market rally he said it was the beginning of a bull and he got it wrong,” Roubini said in an interview with The Associated Press.

Roubini did an admirable job wielding the Smack-o-Matic, there. I wonder if there’s any possibility he and Jon can tag-team Cramer? That would be a show to remember…

Cramer Never Learns

Ebert vs. O'Reilly: No Contest

Ladies and gentlemen, the incomparable Roger Ebert (h/t):

To: Bill O’Reilly
From: Roger Ebert

Dear Bill: Thanks for including the Chicago Sun-Times on your exclusive list of newspapers on your “Hall of Shame.” To be in an O’Reilly Hall of Fame would be a cruel blow to any newspaper. It would place us in the favor of a man who turns red and starts screaming when anyone disagrees with him. My grade-school teacher, wise Sister Nathan, would have called in your parents and recommended counseling with Father Hogben.

Yes, the Sun-Times is liberal, having recently endorsed our first Democrat for President since LBJ. We were founded by Marshall Field one week before Pearl Harbor to provide a liberal voice in Chicago to counter the Tribune, which opposed an American war against Hitler. I’m sure you would have sided with the Trib at the time.

I understand you believe one of the Sun-Times misdemeanors was dropping your syndicated column. My editor informs me that “very few” readers complained about the disappearance of your column, adding, “many more complained about Nancy.” I know I did. That was the famous Ernie Bushmiller comic strip in which Sluggo explained that “wow” was “mom” spelled upside-down.

Your column ran in our paper while it was owned by the right-wing polemicists Conrad Black (Baron Black of Coldharbour) and David Radler. We dropped it to save a little money after they looted the paper of millions. Now you call for an advertising boycott. It is unusual to observe a journalist cheering for a newspaper to fail. At present the Sun-Times has no bank debt, but labors under the weight of millions of dollars in tax penalties incurred by Lord Black, who is serving an eight-year stretch for mail fraud and obstruction of justice. We also had to pay for his legal expenses.

There is a major difference between Conrad Black and you: Lord Black is a much better writer and thinker, and authored a respected biography about Roosevelt, who we were founded to defend. That newspapers continue to run your column is a mystery to me, since it is composed of knee-jerk frothings and ravings. If I were an editor searching for a conservative, I wouldn’t choose a mad dog. My recommendation: The admirable Charles Krauthammer.

Bill, I am concerned that you have been losing touch with reality recently. Did you really say you are more powerful than any politician?

That reminds me of the famous story about Squeaky the Chicago Mouse. It seems that Squeaky was floating on his back along the Chicago River one day. Approaching the Michigan Avenue lift bridge, he called out: Raise the bridge! I have an erection!

Snark of caliber needs no additional commentary, only applause. Bravo, Mr. Ebert! Bravo.

Ebert vs. O'Reilly: No Contest

PWN o' the Day

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I love Ron Britton:

[IDiot writer] Westad started out as a science major at a Christian college.

[Ron] Then he wasn’t a science major.

Shazam!

Ron annihilates an entire column entitled, I shit you not, “Intelligent Design for Dummies.” As you can see, it was indeed for dummies. And Ron does not suffer fools kindly.

Go. Enjoy.

PWN o' the Day

A Surprise, a Valid Question, and an X-Rated Metaphor

Since I don’t have time for a lot of blog reading today, and sure as shit don’t have time for actual writing tonight, I headed over to Ron Britton’s place. I knew he’d have something good for ye.

First, the surprise:


If you’re thinking that looks like a Dr. Seuss cartoon, you’d be right. If you’re thinking it was photoshopped, you’d be wrong. That’s an original, folks.

I think Dr. Seuss would’ve gotten along just fine here in the cantina.

Ron uses the above cartoon to illustrate a very valid question posed to the “pro-life” movement:

You’re opposed to the “morning after pill”, because the destruction of an eight-cell blastocyte is murder. So how is the destruction of 91,000 post-birth Iraqis OK? If “abortion is the murder of a child”, and “even one abortion is too many”, then how is the killing of tens of thousands of Iraqi children not murder and not too many?

Somehow, I don’t think they’ll have an answer.

Now for the metaphor:

The senator contends that people need to be disabused of the notion that raising taxes increases revenue to the federal government, and that lowering taxes decreases money coming into the federal Treasury.

Republicans need to be disabused of the opposite notion. Since they keep perpetuating this myth among themselves, it’s obviously self-abuse. Republicans just keep masturbating to the pornography of low taxes.

You’re welcome.

Both articles deserve your attention. Go forth and enjoy them, my darlings.

A Surprise, a Valid Question, and an X-Rated Metaphor

Volcano Erupts, Destroys Jindal and Palin

Unfortunately, the bugger blew in the middle of the night, so we’ll have to content ourselves with this image from Mt. Redoubt’s 1990 eruption, which more accurately reflects its effect on Jindal and Palin’s talking points.

I do so hope you lot can watch videos online. This one gets it in one:

Paul Krugman’s Parthian shot is a sheer delight:

Volcano monitoring – why would you want to monitor a volcano? ‘Cause it might erupt and kill a lot of people.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is one of the 10,000,000,001 reasons why one should never trust Cons to run the government.

Volcano Erupts, Destroys Jindal and Palin

Barney Frank Tells It Like It Is

Rep. Barney Frank (D-Awesome) on Rep. John Boehner (R-Lame):

“Does Boehner need any justification? It says it right there on his partisan hack license that he can say anything that he wants.”

Now, I could let that stand by itself. It is whole and complete in its power of pwn. But Barney Frank is not a one-trick pony. He is not merely a man of clever one-liners, he is also master of the long-form smackdown. Digby presents one of his recent classics:

It occurred to me today that the way to get Wall Street’s so-called best and brightest to slink off in shame is to dig into their sex lives. After all, that’s all it took to conveniently take down one of the Democratic party’s top experts on corporate crime and turn him into a pariah. It’s really too bad. He would be very useful right about now.

It doesn’t always work, however. After all, there’s Rep. Barney Frank, who the Republicans once tried and failed to destroy for his personal life and are now holding personally responsible for the collapse of the world financial system. And he’s not having it.

Frank reminds them of the facts in his inimitable style:

In the House of Representatives, the majority party has almost unlimited power over the minority party. The majority party owns the committee chairmanships; it controls what bills come to a vote; and it is under no obligation to consider the ideas of the beleaguered minority. When the Republicans were in the majority they ruled with an iron first; it is no accident that Tom DeLay was known as “The Hammer.”

That is why I find it particularly flattering the Republicans now claim that in the years 1995 to 2006 I personally possessed supernatural powers which enabled me to force mighty Republican leaders to do my bidding. Choose your comic book hero — I was all of them.

[snip]

According to the Republicans’ misty memories of the period before 2007, I allegedly singlehandedly blocked their determined efforts to regulate Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, and my supposed intransigence literally caused the worldwide financial crisis.

Fortunately, we have tools to aid memory — pencil and paper, word processing, transcripts, newspapers, and the Congressional record. And as described in the most reputable published sources, in 2005 I in fact worked together with my Republican colleague Michael Oxley, then Chairman of the Financial Services Committee, to write a bill to increase regulation of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. We passed the bill out of committee with an overwhelming majority — every Democrat voted in favor of the legislation. However, on the House floor the Republican leadership added a poison pill amendment, which would have prevented non-profit institutions with religious affiliations from receiving funds. I voted against the legislation in protest, though I continued to work with Mr. Oxley to encourage the Senate to pass a good bill. But these efforts were defeated because President Bush blocked further consideration of the legislation. In the words of Mr. Oxley, no flaming liberal, the Bush administration gave his efforts ‘the one-finger salute.’

The Republicans can claim some supposed successes despite my awesome power. In 1999 they passed the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act, which overturned a Depression-era law preventing commercial banks from acting like investment banks. In 2000, they passed another bill which loosened regulation of derivative markets. I voted against these bills — but to no avail.

If I ever do ScriptFrenzy, I think it’ll be a comic book with Barney Frank as the superhero. It’s just too bad the supervillians he faces are so comically inept.

Barney Frank Tells It Like It Is

The Fallout Continues Apace

Poor Jim Cramer. He just had no idea that a nice comedian like Jon Stewart was gonna pwn his ass:

Since his brutal interview with Jon Stewart on Thursday, CNBC host Jim Cramer has largely disappeared from public view. He skipped a planned Friday morning appearance on MSNBC’s Morning Joe, and MSNBC producers were also asked to avoid bringing up the debacle during yesterday’s programming. Today, the Washington Post’s Howard Kurtz hints at the internal turmoil the interview caused, noting that staffers were “furious” with Cramer for failing to defend the network:

Cramer has told colleagues he felt blindsided by Stewart’s hostile approach. But many CNBC staffers were furious with Cramer yesterday for failing to defend the network’s reporting or to criticize Stewart’s video clips as selectively edited or out of context.

I don’t think any sort of context would have helped, and Cramer knew this. Why do you think he didn’t defend himself? Why do you think he didn’t hit back?

Watch those videos again, and you will see a truth: Cramer knew he was busted. He knew there was no defense. That’s why he turned spoiled-milk white when Jon slammed him with that video clip, and why all he did was throw himself on the mercy of the court. It’s too bad CNBC and the rest of its staff are too clueless to recognize when the jig is up.

And do you want to know how badly it’s up? We’ve got a Republican calling for more regulation, for fuck’s sake:

Oopsie-daisies. Talk about your unexpected consequences. The highly-blogged about tête-à-tête between Jon Stewart and CNBC’s Jim Cramer has exposed the very ugly underbelly of how the former hedge-fund manager made money before his TV career. Former Congressman Tom Davis (R-VA) says it’s time some investigator takes a closer look at Cramer:

CNN reporter Jim Acosta reflected on limited regulation of hedge fund’s and how they attracted “wealthy investors.” He then turned to former Rep. Tom Davis, R-Va., once chairman of the House Government Reform Committee, who said Cramer’s the reason hedge funds should be considered for more regulation.

“I think he’s become a poster child for why hedge funds need more regulation and transparency,” Davis said.

When asked if what Cramer said was illegal, Davis admitted that it was not, but “should be. He may well have crossed the line.”

Davis suggested the powers that be “ought to be looking at” Cramer’s confessed manipulation from 2006. “I think the tragedy is over the last few years nobody’s been looking at this at all.”

Of course, this is coming from one of the rare reasonably-sane Republicans, not a Con, but still. Near gave me cardiac arrest, that did.

Davis is right. It’s time for tighter regs, and it’s time for a good, sharp, merciless look at these people. Cramer’s merely the appetizer.

Jon Stewart started something I don’t believe will be finished anytime soon.

The Fallout Continues Apace

Tweety Knocks One Out of the Park

Give the man credit where it’s due. This was a classic:

Here is the really pertinent quote from Matthews.

Lott: “By the way if you don’t have these delays you end up with the stimulus bill, nobody read, nobody knew what was in it. It raises spending, it’s gonna raise taxes, it’s gonna wind up cuttin’ defense. This is good?

Matthews: Well, it’s better than what your crowd left us with. We got the DOW dropping down to 6000, based on the economic policies of the last 8 years. I wouldn’t brag.

Oh, snap!

Tweety Knocks One Out of the Park

Pwnd by Pieret

The mudskippers stand in awe of John Pieret’s awesomeness.

John Pieret, reporting the timely death of a Mississippi anti-evolution bill, delivers the perfect cut:

Unable to stop with the Discovery Institute’s patented “nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what we mean,” this person, who disregards his solemn oath to “faithfully support the Constitution of the United States,” revealed his true aims:

Speaking to the Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal (2009 Jan 24), the bill’s sponsor, Gary Chism (R-District 37), was candid about his motivations, explaining, “Either you believe in the Genesis story, or you believe that a fish walked on the ground,” adding, “All these molecules didn’t come into existence by themselves.” But he was pessimistic about the prospects of the bill, telling the conservative Christian on-line news source OneNewsNow (2009 Jan 26; “I am confident that this bill is … dead on arrival … I don’t think the [committee] chairman will even take the bill up.” Yet he also told OneNewsNow that “he would consider drafting another bill next year supporting the teaching of the strengths and weaknesses of evolutionary theory in public school classrooms.”

And, by the way, Representative Chism, I do believe that fish walk on the ground, I do, I do.

Perfecto.

By the way, if anyone in the audience has mad skillz with the Photoshop and would be interested in creating a giant walking catfish eating Rep. Chism alive, Eamon Knight would like a word with you.

Pwnd by Pieret