I Know, I Know: You’re Sick of Sarah. But Wait’ll You Read The Teaser….

Sarah Palin, a Dead Parrot, and Scrotal Asymmetry

What does scrotal asymmetry have to do with Sarah Palin? At first, the answer might seem like a mystery and an enigma wrapped in a conundrum. But the real answer is within our grasp, and it reveals something about the unreality of American politics.

And astonishingly, it does.

Taught me something about male human anatomy, too…

Sarah Palin Word Salad Bar

I’m catching up on all the blog reading I missed whilst gallivanting around Arizona. I spent tonight on Canadian Cynic, where I came across the link to this exercise in agony. I feel so sorry for AKMuckraker, who actually subjected himself to 17 minutes’ worth of Palin. At least I got to pause and go look at LOLcats when my brain started seeping out my ears:

So Ronald Reagan spoke to us then with us here in our hearts is where he reached us, and that’s where he won the arguments and then, this was, this was the good part, we the American people through him, we imposed our will on Washington, and that is the way it’s supposed to be.

(I think that sentence may get the “Word Salad Award.”)

Our government is supposed to be working for us, we are not to be working for our government. It’s our will to be imposed on them. (applause) He captured our hearts so he could affect positive change by what he did. He focused on our kids, on our children, on their future, on the future of America. And when he fought socialism and any sort of tyranny that he knew would ruin us, he stood strong on his knowing that the framework through which he believed that positive change that framework for our kids, it was freedom.

(Wait…..no….maybe it was that one)

Today the things that some in Washington would do to take away our freedoms, it’s absolutely astounding, and we would do so well to look back on those Reagan years as he championed the cause for freedom and then he lived it out as our president – cheerfully, persistently and unapologetically. Reagan knew that real change and real change requiring shaking things up and maybe takin’ off the entrenched interest thwarting the will of the people with their ignoring of our concerns about future peril caused by selfish short-sighted advocacy for growing government and digging more debt, and taking away individual and state’s rights and hampering opportunity to responsibly develop our resources, and coddling those who would seek to harm America and her allies.

(Nope. It’s definitely THAT one!)

Good thing we’re not at a real salad bar, because I’d be lobotomizing myself with a fork just to make the pain stop.

As Lulu said:

Just think, boys and girls — the Republican brain trust (and I use the term very loosely) actually believed this was someone capable of being one rather feeble heartbeat away from the presidency.

Scary, huh?

That’s the exact thought that haunts my nightmares. Especially since these flaming fuckwits still think “Palin for President!” isn’t a sick fucking joke. I guess she blinds them with bullshit.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go find a jelly mold for my poor melted brain. I’m hoping it’ll reset overnight…

Horrifying Thought

Deargodspleasenoooooooo:

Asked Wednesday whether she still believed that Mr. Stevens should resign, Ms. Palin was circumspect, saying only that the people of Alaska “just spoke” on the issue at the ballot box and that “they want him as their senator.” She said Mr. Stevens should decide “what happens next.” (Mr. Stevens could still be forced to step down, and Ms. Palin is widely viewed as a potential candidate for his seat if he does.) [emphasis added]

You know something? If those are the choices – a convicted felon and Sarah Palin – I’d rather have the felon. At least Stevens is merely a corrupt fucking bastard rather than a batshit insane, lying, scheming, stealing, power-abusing, dead-ignorant, frothing fundie fucktard.

Could this be a gambit to ensure Stevens retains his seat?

Palin Pranked by Pretend President

Watch this in its entirety. Then, after you’ve picked your laughing ass off the floor, wiped the tears of mingled mirth and horror, and regained a semblance of composure, send it on to all of those relatives, coworkers, acquaintances and friends who have clung tenaciously to the idea that voting for McCain/Palin is the right thing to do for this country.

Ask them a single question afterward: do you really think that a woman naive enough to get suckered into thinking that two radio station comedians are actually the President of France and his aide, who despite clear signals that this is a prank doesn’t catch on until they tell her, is equipped to handle foreign policy responsibilities in a dangerous world?

This woman isn’t just stupid. She’s terrifyingly stupid.

(Tip o’ the shot glass to Scout Finch at Daily Kos)

Walking the Walk: Palin Opens Mouth, Inserts Foot

Sarah Palin’s talent for fucking herself over every time she opens her mouth is truly mind-boggling:

“Here’s the difference between John McCain and our ticket and Barack Obama and Joe Biden,” she said. “We don’t just talk the talk, we walk the walk. And that’s why in not just that first speech, but in every speech I give, I talk about being an advocate and a friend in the White House for our families who have members who have these special needs.” [emphasis added]


When asked by “gotcha” journalist Shelby Sheehan of KRNV just how she and McCain planned to walk the walk they were talking about, Palin tripped over her own feet:

Alaska Governor and Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin says autism is an issue “near and dear” to her heart and she can’t wait to get to work helping more than 5,000 Nevada families affected by it. However, when pressed, she was unable to provide details on a plan to do that.

[snip]

“There are a lot of wasteful expenditures in the federal (government),” Palin said. “Let’s get rid of those and put them into strengthening NIH (National Institutes of Health) and these other areas where we can help our kids with autism.”

Palin did not name any specific expenditure she wanted to cut in favor of funding for autism research or services, nor did she name what specific programs she’d like to fund in order to help those families.

Sarah Palin walking the walk: epic fucking fail.

Shelby Sheehan perpetrating journalism upon her: priceless.

(Tip o’ the shot glass to Kula2316 at Daily Kos, who also found the best quote o’ the day: “Widespread antagonism toward Obama in mid August gave way in September to overwhelming horror over McCain picking Palin as his vice presidential nominee.” I’m sure I have no idea why undecided voters in Florida would feel that way. Heh.)

Sarah Palin’s Fuckwittery Knows No Bounds

I know, I know. I’m not telling you anything new. But there’s fuckwittery, and then there’s scummy fuckwittery, and then there’s this kind of fuckwittery:

The Alaska governor told Ingraham’s listeners that if those questions were being answered, voters would find Obama “out of the mainstream,” adding that the Illinois senator would diminish “the prestige of the United States presidency.”

Sarah? Do you really want to talk about “diminish[ing] the prestige of the United States presidency”? I mean, do you really want to bring this up? Cuz we could go there, but I don’t think you’d like the view.

Just sayin’.

(Tip o’ the shot glass to Jackbauer8393 at Daily Kos)

A Ready Supply of Brownshirts

Decent people are baffled by atrocities. They want to believe that regular folks don’t engage in horrible acts of mass violence. That attitude was pronounced in the years following the Holocaust: we in the West have a superiority complex, and we just couldn’t imagine that ordinary Europeans took enthusiastic part in Hitler’s Final Solution. His Brownshirts and the SS had to be filled with ranks of crazed, godless, evil fuckers, not average European citizens. Civilized people wouldn’t do such things.

It’s terrifying to realize that civilization is a thin veneer, that decency and humanity can so easily be stripped away by politicians playing on ordinary people’s fears and insecurities. All it takes is a set of leaders giving people permission to unleash their inner demons on easy scapegoats. They blame an indentifiable minority for the country’s ills: Jews, blacks, liberals. They whip up the hate. They work the crowd into a frenzy. And then, suddenly, ordinary people become a howling mob. Ordinary, civilized folks find themselves willing to do the unthinkable, because they’ve been given permission. It’s normal. It’s okay. It’s patriotic:

It’s no wonder that the slightest incitement from Sarah Palin or John McCain will turn one of their rallies into a lynch mob. Just talk to the folks who attend.

My camera was rolling for literally seconds before people happily said to me, on camera, that Barack Obama is a terrorist. If I hadn’t spent most of my time at the event inside, waiting for the candidates to show up, I could have gotten dozens of these people on tape.

[snip]

I’ve been doing blog video for a while, and presidential rallies a lot longer. And this is the most strange, ignorant, uninformed, angry, up-to-no-good, and gullible group of people I’ve ever seen at a political rally.

Ever.


These people have been told for years that their lives are threatened by scary brown Islamofascists. They’ve been told that their problems are caused by the minorities taking over America. Then, when a man with a Kenyan father and a white mother runs for office, they’re told he’s a closet Muslim with a militant black pastor who befriends terrorists – and the easy conclusion is jumped to. They’re terrified and primed to strike out. All they need is permission.

It seems McCain and Palin are more than willing to give them that permission for the sake of winning an election.

Of all the evil McCain’s responsible for, this is the worst.

Don’t Miss Your Chance to Interview Sarah Palin!

One thing McCain provided us with his disastrous pick: endless opportunities for amusement.

First we had the Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator. Then we had the Gibson and Couric interviews. Assorted and sundry gaffes, misstatements, flotsam of the past rising up to sink her, protests, and a zillion other utterly unbelievable idiocies chronicled lavishly here and on other blogs.

Now, we have the Interview Palin site:

Q: What is the role of the US in Iraq and Afghanistan?

A: Iraq and Afghanistan will lead to war and it doesn’t have to lead, as I said, to a Cold War. We must have good relationship with our allies, pressuring, also, helping us to a position like we are a free and we have to be wired in a way of being so committed to the terrorists who are hell bent on destroying America and American troops are providing in his country. But no, the Pakistani people also, they want freedom. They want democratic values and tolerance and freedom. I see the United States of America, where do they go? It’s Alaska.

Let’s perform an experiment, shall we? Place a transcript from the Couric interviews – any question and answer you like – side-by-side with this randomly-generated gobbledygook and ask a sampling of people to try to figure out which is which. I’ll just about guarantee you they’ll do no better than chance.

These things are like bonbons. I’ll just indulge in one more:

Q: Why should the US elect Senator McCain?

A: John McCain has a great plan to get in there and fix it. It is for no more politics as usual. And somebody’s big, fat resume maybe that shows decades and decades in that Washington establishment, where, yes, they’ve had opportunity to change, and who’s actually done it? That’s something that John McCain had pushed for, more troops? A counterinsurgency strategy?” And he said, “yes.” And he also showed great appreciation for what America needs today.

Delicious!

Palin Sez: Who the Hell’s Hamas?

Sarah Palin on Hamas:

Oh, yeah. Those are some serious foreign policy chops. You betcha.

I invite you to look up the definition of “word salad.” I believe Sarah Palin is suffering from a political form of it. If you run across any ignorant fools who are enamored of Palin, you might want to ask them if they want an incoherent fuckwit in charge of national security.

Just sayin’.

(Tip o’ the shot glass to Cenk Uygur at Daily Kos)