…We have a new crew member. I’m not revealing his identity just yet, but let me put it to you this way: he may end up out-Elitist Bastarding us all.

But he’ll have heavy going – you lot have out-Elitist Bastarded yourselves. And I’m expecting more by the end of day tomorrow.

Have I told you all lately that I’m proud of you? You’re what makes the blogging world turn for me. Let’s raise a cup high to the past, present and future Elitist Bastards.

Huzzah!

February be a short month, and Admiral Dana be dealin’ with shipwrecks. We’ll spend an extra week in port – shore leave for the lot o’ ye! Just have yerselves on board by Thursday the 5th o’ March – we be sailin’ next Friday! Those o’ ye who’ve already boarded get extra rations o’ rum this voyage.

Captain Chaos ran afoul o’ the dreaded Ship o’ Life, and is limping to port to make repairs. But we’ll be launching wi’ yer Admiral at the helm. The HMS Elitist Bastard be sailing from her home port, En Tequila Es Verdad, on the 28th o’ February. I wants a full crew, so get yer elitist bastardry aboard by Friday the 27th.

For any o’ ye who’ve never sailed, but think ye might be Elitist Bastard enough to sign on, now’s yer chance! Let’s review the requirements:

1. Write a blog post that blasts ignorance or celebrates some aspect o’ wisdom, or if ye be really ambitious, does both.

2. Post yer post.

3. Send us the link no later than the deadline, or ye be dead in the water.

Simplicity itself, innit? Which means no o’ ye should be left sittin’ on the docks when we sail. Admiral Dana be hatching a special plot, and none o’ ye’ll want to miss it.

(Post-dated to reach all o’ my Elitist Bastards)

This be our treasure chest for this month’s sailing. It be nearly empty.

We can’t have a sailing w’out sailors, as I’m sure ye know. And while Obama’s a bloody good leader, I know he didn’t scuttle ignorance in his first week. The world still needs its Elitist Bastards! So get those submissions in by Friday.

Captain Efrique shall be taking the HMS Elitist Bastard into the maw of ignorance once more come January 31st, and he’ll be needin’ ye aboard. Ye’ve been wanting to shove some wisdom down ignorance’s throat, me hearties, haven’t ye? Get yer submissions in no later than January 30th.

Time to man the ship, prime the guns, and win another battle for Elitist Bastardry!

(Postdated so all Elitist Bastards may heed the call!)

I know it be the Solstice, and ye’re quaffing the eggnog, but remember, me hearties: stupid never takes a holiday. We Elitist Bastards must be there to fight it!

Get your submissions in to [email protected] before the end of Friday, or risk the terrible fate of bein’ left on the docks with nothing but a hangover and a halibut.

Ye don’t want to miss the boat, now, do ye? I know ye be nursin’ a turkey hangover, an’ ye might be wonderin’ where all the rum’s gone, but elitist bastards stop for no ill and no holiday. Get yer links in to me, or ye’ll be regrettin’ it. I’ll be watchin’ for ye until the clock strikes midnight.

NaNo sufferers – I know ye don’t be havin’ time for articles. We’ll take a snippet o’ prose instead. I be thinkin’ that’ll be elitist bastardly enough.

We put the dogs o’ ignorance to rout and fired their ships, but the mission o’ the HMS Elitist Bastard tisn’t over! Aye, and the wise Captain Paul from Café Philos be callin’ ye to arms. We set sail once again on November 29th. Muster the best o’ your elitist bastardry and get yourselves aboard by the 28th. Send all o’ yer links to me, and take pride in the name of elitist bastardry!

Today be the last day to bring Captain John yer treasure. Send me yer links, ye Elitist Bastards!

It be time for us to muster up once more:

The Sixth Carnival of Elitist Bastards is due to sail on October 25th from Port Haystack.

I know that there are a lot of bastards out there who’d like to show up the stupidity, ignorance and dishonesty currently masquerading as “small town values,” “common sense” and “teaching the controversy.”

Here’s your opportunity. Get busy on exposing the so-called “thinking” that deserves to be looked down on and extolling what truly is elite: learning, logic and science.

Send your debunkings and other demolitions to [email protected] no later than October 24th (though, in kindness to a certain Ancient Mariner, early entries are preferred). And, if you see some internet article or posting particularly fitting to sail on our voyage, please pass a long the link, as our press gang is always on the lookout for hands to … er … volunteer.

Don’t ye be lettin’ Captain John down, or ye’ll soon be regretting it. There be an ocean o’ ignorance out there, me hearties. It be our duty to rescue the treasure o’ wisdom from their dens o’ inanity.

Eggheads, UNITE!

(Postdated for all the fine Elitist Bastards who might be late from shore leave.)