atheism

Folks Who Won't Need "How to Talk to an Atheist"

jacob1 Comment

PZ’s cheering on Catholics for Choice, who apparently borrowed my Smack-o-Matic 3000 when I wasn’t looking and used it to belabor Bill Donahue:

  • From the beginning, the Catholic League was marked by a schizophrenic attitude that would become its hallmark: It simultaneously argued for the right of conservative Catholics to impose their values in the public sphere, while arguing against the right of others in the public sphere to offer legitimate criticism of Catholics or Catholicism.

  • The Catholic League tactics are i) manufacture controversy; ii) try to intimidate the “enemy”; iii) bully the opposition; iv) complain early and often; v) attack popular culture; and vi) silence the loyal opposition.

I haven’t had a chance to read their full takedown, but judging from what PZ quoted, it’s a thing of beauty.

I thought of my heart sister NP when I read this. She’s one of the people who kept me from looking at Catholics as a whole with a jaundiced eye, and now she’s got a whole army’s worth of backup. These folks probably won’t need to read my book, but they’re the kinds of Christians I mean when I say Christians and atheists have plenty to talk about. I don’t mind standing shoulder-to-shoulder with religious folk against stupid, intolerant fuckwits.

In fact, I think we could all have a good time of it.

Folks Who Won't Need "How to Talk to an Atheist"
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We're a Hip Subculture!

jacob1 Comment

W00t! We’re hip! We’re with it!

[The game] has no basis in historical reality and doesn’t actually represent any religion. It just appeals to people who hate religion to begin with — the hip subculture of militant popular atheists.

Militant popular atheists, baby, yeah! Maybe that’s what I should put in the book, instead of fire-breathing atheists or some equivalent.

Then again, we’ve been dubbed “the hip subculture of militant popular atheists” by a professor of religious studies who’s whining that a board game that includes Cthulu and Eric Clapton as characters “has no basis in historical reality.”

Sigh.

*takes Smack-o-Matic from the wall*

C’mere, Professor.

It’s not meant to have a basis in historical reality, you dumbfuck! It’s a board game. It’s being marketed as “the world’s first satirical board game of religious warfare.” Not “the world’s first educational and completely historically accurate board game of religious warfare.” I know you like your happy reality wherein all religion is sweetness and light and would never ever start religious wars, whereas the creator of the game wanted to make fun of real reality where religion enjoys starting religious wars immensely. But to attack the game for not being something it was never meant to be just because it’s got your panties in a wad? Give me a fucking break.

What’s education coming to in this country when an erstwhile professor can’t even tell the difference between a documentary and a satirical board game?

I think herr Professor’s been snorting too much of the religious ecstasy. It’s fried his brain.

It’s really too bad. Would’ve been nice to have a trustworthy source call us a hip subculture.

(Tip o’ the shot glass to PZ. Even though he STILL hasn’t plugged COTEB VI)

We're a Hip Subculture!

YES, I'm STILL Doing NaNo. Honestly

jacob7 Comments

All right, so I got derailed for nearly a week by President-Elect Obama becoming President-Elect Obama, and I’m still a political junkie, and blah blah excuses blah, but I’m back on it.

Really.

See? 6,923 words. Considering I was at 1,700 at the start of last night, that’s not so bad, now, is it?

I’ll be sending chapters out to all of you who requested them quite soon. For now, content yourselves with a snippet. This comes from Chapter One: Right. What’s An Atheist? We’re talking here about atheists in action, and it’s my sad little attempt at categories:

Hidden atheists: Those who are flying under the radar for fear of what their friends, families, and communities will do to them if anyone ever discovers they’re atheists. Hidden atheists are, shall we say, atheists with the potential to act on their atheism, even though at the moment they’re not speaking out.

Trailblazing atheists: They’ve found the courage to speak out: on blogs, in communities, founding organizations, and in a myriad of other ways. Their example makes it possible for the hidden atheists to emerge, throw off the shame they’ve been made to feel at their lack of belief, and start putting their atheism to good use. The trailblazers prove it’s possible to live a full and happy life without belief in the supernatural or the afterlife. They debunk a lot of the myths just by living openly as atheists, doing good works, taking care of others through love and shared humanity, and showing that losing faith doesn’t mean you lose your sense of wonder at the beauty of the world. Every atheist who’s not hidden in a trailblazer in some fashion.

Atheist Ambassadors: These atheists are natural mediators, who work to foster understanding and cooperation between the religious and godless. You’ll find a lot of them in the ranks of organizations like Americans United for the Separation of Church and State. They strike a fairly moderate tone with the faithful. They’re skilled at finding and emphasizing common ground. They often work to overcome the fear so many of the faithful feel when confronted with atheists.

Militant atheists: I hate that term, but a lot of them own it proudly, so in the book it goes. These are the atheists who work actively against religion: they try to deconvert the religious, tirelessly point out the dangers of religion, and argue passionately against the irrationality of faith. They may not go so far as to think of religion as an evil – although many do – but they envision a world where, if religion isn’t eradicated, it’s at least greatly reduced in importance. And they have an arsenal of evidence to show you that religion is uniquely capable of getting good people to do horrible things.

And yes, my darlings, those categories are prefaced AND followed by disclaimers explaining that this is a spectrum, and no one atheist is likely to fit only one category and no other, and I’ll even whip up a nice little illustration to drive the point home when I’m done whipping out 50,000 words. I’m not trying to stuff us into restrictive little boxes, just make us somewhat comprehensible.

pleasedon’thitme.

Actually, do. If you see the categories of atheists-in-action differently, by all means say so. Just remember I’m trying to keep it to four broad categories, not four thousand precise ones. While that would do wonders for my word count, it would really defeat the purpose of the book.

Keep in mind that the three broad types of atheist – Natural, Apathetic, and Dissonant, as enumerated here – have already been defined earlier in the chapter.

Right? Good. Then me and my aching brain are going to bed.

YES, I'm STILL Doing NaNo. Honestly

Yup. We're Officially Scarier than Teh Gays and Teh Moozlims

jacob9 Comments

I’m sure this is burning through the godlessphere, but fuck it, I’m throwing my hat into the ring anyway:

Recent polling shows Sen. Elizabeth Dole (R) trailing in her re-election fight in North Carolina against Democrat Kay Hagan, so it stands to reason that she’s getting a little desperate.

I didn’t think she’d get this desperate.

Sen. Elizabeth Dole’s latest advertisement suggests her Democratic opponent, Kay Hagan, is a godless heathen.

“A leader of the Godless Americans PAC recently held a secret fundraiser for Kay Hagan,” the 30-second spot says, showing footage of the group’s members talking about their atheist beliefs on cable news.

“Godless Americans and Kay Hagan. She hid from cameras. Took godless money,” the ad concludes. “What did Kay Hagan promise in return?”

At the very end of the ad, a voice sounding like Hagan’s says: “There is no God.”

Seriously, Dole used a Hagan impersonator to make voters think she’s an atheist.

It’s hard to know where to start with an ad this deplorable. First, Hagan is actually a Sunday school teacher and an elder in her church. Second, the fundraiser in question was co-hosted by 40 people, one of whom is on the board of an atheist political action committee. Third, there’s nothing scandalous about non-believers.

And fourth, what the hell is “godless money”?

I don’t know, Steve. All of mine still says “IN GOD WE TRUST” on it, so even though I’ve done my level best to get my atheist cooties all over it, I don’t think it quite qualifies as “godless.”

This is just fucking ridiculous. These people are so shit-scared of atheists that even a Sunday school teacher can’t hang down with the heathens without getting smeared by a Rethuglicon hack. I think it says something about the strength of Kay Hagan’s faith that she can rub shoulders with us godless sorts and remain unfazed. Whereas Elizabeth Dole apparently thinks atheism is a contagious disease along the lines of SARS, which tells you something about the strength of her faith and character. I.e., they closely resemble cardboard that’s been soaking in an acid bath.

I’m sick to fucking death over the religious fuckery in this country. Religion or lack thereof was never meant to be the defining characteristic of a candidate for public office. I know this because our Constitution says so:

The “no religious test” clause of the United States Constitution is found in Article VI, section 3, and states that:

The Senators and Representatives before mentioned, and the Members of the several State Legislatures, and all executive and judicial Officers, both of the United States and of the several States, shall be bound by Oath or Affirmation, to support this Constitution; but no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States.

Yet we have a defacto religious test in this country. You can be the most appallingly insane, fundamentalist freak of a Christian and still have a shot, but by God, you’d better believe in God or kiss your chances at office goodbye (with, what, two exceptions?).

And you can’t be just any sort of Christian. Catholics are somewhat acceptable but suspect. Mormons are right out. A Muslim snuck in, but good luck following in his footsteps, especially after the right-wing sturm und drang over Obama’s supposed Muslim background. No, in this country, in this time, if you’re not a WASP, you’ve got an uphill climb that makes Sisyphus whistle under his breath and exclaim, “Man, I don’t even you a bit.”

And while even frothing fucktards running for office tread at least somewhat carefully around outright calling folks of other faiths spawn of the devil, or being forced to apologize when they get too outrageous, it’s perfectly fine in our society to disparge atheists as much as you like.

I have news for these assclowns. That is going to change. I guaran-fucking-tee it.

You know, I was going to dress as Neil Gaiman’s Death for Halloween. But if I decide to head to North Carolina, it seems I’ll be able to go as myself instead. Who else wants to see Liddy Dole piss herself when this godless heathen grabs her in a bear hug for a photo op?

Everybody go show Steve Benen some love. He was one of the loudest voices speaking up for us on the political blogs today. Most of the others just fell over themselves blurting out how Kay was a good Christian without mentioning that it doesn’t fucking matter whether she’s a good Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, or atheist just as long as she’s a good human being.

More Steve, less pander, please.

Yup. We're Officially Scarier than Teh Gays and Teh Moozlims

In Which I Reply to Victoria Jackson's Unintentional Self-Parody

jacob1 Comment

I think someone needs to sit Victoria Jackson down and ‘splain to her what “uneducated” means:

I don’t want a political label, but Obama bears traits that resemble the anti-Christ and I’m scared to death that uneducated people will ignorantly vote him into office.

Apparently, Victoria was too busy standing on her head reciting poetry to get Tim LaHaye’s memo informing her that Barack Obama, in fact, is not the antichrist. What was that about “uneducated people” who “will ignorantly vote” again?

This is what an upbringing by fundamentalist parents and a few years at Florida Bible College will do to a person. Her critical thinking skills are non-existent. That doesn’t prevent her from misusing words like “cynic.” From the bio on her website:

Well, I’d feel like we didn’t really connect if I didn’t tell you about what I really feel is important. I am a genuine true blue believer…not in Kaballah…not in Scientology…not in the New Age movement…not in Mormonism…not in Buddism…not in Hinduism…not in Catholicism…not in Protestantism…but in Jesus Christ. I’ve studied all those other religions…and as a cynic, and a free spirit…I personally decided to put my faith in Jesus. I’ve read the Bible all the way through….and I believe it is the Truth…the Word of God. Read John 3:l6, Ephesians 2:8,9, Romans 3:23, and Romans 6:23 and tell me what you think. What do you think? Jesus claimed to be “the Lord”…He was either the “Lord”, a liar, or a lunatic. Tell me what you think and why. After all, none of us has died and come back to tell….so we all have our faith in something. What is your faith in? I’m eager to listen and discuss.

Something tells me Victoria wouldn’t be all that eager to “listen and discuss” with the likes o’ me. Because I’d say something like this:

Here’s what I think, Victoria. If you want to bring up the Lord, liar or lunatic talking point to “prove” the divinity of Jesus, my money’s on options two and three. You see, growing up with a bipolar mother and studying forensic psychology led me to draw certain conclusions about Jesus. And this, mind you, is back when I was still nominally still Christian. The parallels between Jesus’s behavior as described in the Bible and the behavior of mentally ill people today were too striking to ignore. So I think that Jesus was either batshit insane, or his biographers added a few embellishments that make him look like a megalomaniacal cult leader.

I think anyone who claims to have read the entire Bible and still proclaims it to be the literal Word of God has dramatic reading comprehension issues.

I think you’re exactly like those people who cleared out of my Comparative Religions class when our Jewish Buddhist professor explained that if you were there to learn about other religions so you can debunk them in favor of Christianity, you needed to drop the class, because we were going to treat all faith traditions with utmost respect. Half the class vanished between one day and the next. I seriously doubt that Florida Bible College taught Comparative Religion as anything other than a sermon on why everybody else is wrong and Christianity is right.

I think you sound precisely like all the other ignoramuses who attend Palin rallies and shout “terrorist,” “kill him!” and “communist.” I excerpted the ridiculous from your statement on Obama, but I refuse to let you spew the rest of that poisonous crap in my cantina. To have someone like you call someone like me “uneducated” would be massively insulting if it wasn’t so pathetically funny.

I think that blind believers like you give faith a bad name. Someone who runs around screaming that Obama is the antichrist has very little separating them from the Islamic fanatics who want to impose Sharia law on the world. Both sets want to force their literal interpretation of their scriptures on the entirety of humanity, and Christian extremeists are no less dangerous than Islamic ones.

I think your invitation to discuss what I believe is a lure meant to proselytize. I’ve known many like you, and what you mean by “I want to listen” is “I want to tell you why you’re wrong, and you’d better listen to me or you’ll burn in Hell.” There is no discussion here. There is no common ground to work from. When you gave up reason in favor of blind faith, you gave up any chance at useful dialogue.

And frankly, the idea of “really connecting” with someone who is so far gone that they believe every bit of right-wing bullshit that hits their email inbox nauseates me. So, Victoria: thanks for the offer, but I think I’ll pass.

I rather meant this post to be light-hearted and funny, but there’s nothing funny about people like this. People like this are a threat. And the most frightening thing is, one of them is the current Republicon vice presidential candidate. People like her are fighting for control of the remnants of the Republicon party. People like her, if they get into power, will see no problem with imposing their appalling version of Christianity on every single one of us, believer and non-believer alike. Because they think they have the Truth of God, they’ll have no compunctions about establishing a theocracy every bit as horrifying as the Taliban.

And they live in a fantasy world that could get us all killed. What do you think true believers like her are going to do if they believe the antichrist’s been elected President of the United States?

Obama’s going to win, barring unforseen catastrophe. Electing him is going to be one of the best things we’ve ever done. But we’re going to have to watch out for the frothing fundies who think he’s a sign of the end times. They’re going to be doing their best to ensure their prophecies are self-fulfilling.

In Which I Reply to Victoria Jackson's Unintentional Self-Parody

Woozle's Glorious Open Letter to a Crazy Christian Lady

jacob

Our own Woozle wrote an open letter to that Jesus freak who believes gay-friendly schools should be bombed. It has only one weakness: it’s not getting the audience it should.

Dear crazy Christian lady,

I’m writing because you seem like a nice person except for certain things you have said which frighten me a great deal. I want you to understand that those things are not true, and that you believe them only because you and your family are being used by people who want you to be afraid of reality so that they can control you.

There are certainly plenty of things to be afraid of in this world, but non-heterosexuals are the least of your worries. Most non-heterosexuals have been teased and abused all their lives; they know how it feels to be hated, they know what it feels like to be hurt, and consequently they are much less likely to hate or harm you, your family, or your friends than someone who has not had these experiences.

Do homosexuals and transsexuals routinely vandalize the property of heterosexuals, threaten their families, assault them in the street, rape and murder them? No, but the reverse is certainly true; there are entire web sites dedicated to the ever-growing roster of innocents murdered by the sort of hate you are nurturing…

Woozle goes on to take her down on her own turf. This letter might even make a few God-blind buggers think about their faith, using the Bible to shake them out of their culture war complacency. If you ever get into a debate with people like Crazy Christian Lady, this letter will be an essential resource.

Go make good use of it.

Woozle's Glorious Open Letter to a Crazy Christian Lady

I Can't Believe I'm Doing This

jacob6 Comments

A few years ago, my dear friend NP roped me into the insanity known as NaNoWriMo. 50,000 words. One novel. One month.

You have no fucking idea how hard it is to write 50,000 words of fiction in a single month.

I will not regale you with the tales of exhaustion, despair, and near-psychotic-break. Needless to say, when I wrote the final word, I basked in a sense of accomplishment and swore to myself Never. Fucking. Again.

And I’m not. Technically.

Yes, I’ve decided to write a complete book in the month of November. Yes, it will be at least 50,000 words. But it ain’t fiction. Ergo, I’m not breaking my solemn promise to myself.

On November 1st, I’ll begin writing How to Talk to an Atheist. You’ll no doubt be able to amuse yourselves immensely by watching me swear, scream, weep and howl my way through it. You’ll be very much a part of the process as I ask you for reality checks, fact checks, and sanity checks. At the end of this glorious process, we’ll hopefully have a book whose chapters we’ll be proud to hand to religious sorts when they hand us their bloody silly pamphlets. We’ll have another tome to expand that infinitesimal atheism section at the bookstore with. That’s the plan, anyway.

Let the record show: I never said it was a good plan.

I Can't Believe I'm Doing This

Nice Try, Bill-O, but You're No Proof of God

jacob2 Comments

Quite the opposite, in fact.

Bill writes:

Next time you meet an atheist, tell him or her that you know a bold, fresh guy, a barbarian who was raised in a working-class home and retains the lessons he learned there.

Then mention to that atheist that this guy is now watched and listened to, on a daily basis, by millions of people all over the world and, to boot, sells millions of books.

Then, while the non-believer is digesting all that, ask him or her if they still don’t believe there’s a God!

I still don’t believe there’s a God, Bill. In fact, I just found my God Belief Quotient sinking further into the negative numbers with that statement of yours.

What I do believe is that you’re one of the most deluded, narcissistic, self-aggrandizing, fucked-up megalosers of all time. The only reason you “succeeded” in life is because an appreciable fraction of America consists of fucked-up megalosers with an inferiority complex who are looking for a Fucked-up Megaloser Messiah to tell them that their rampant stupidity, apalling ignorance, and stunted religion are signs that they’re actually somebodies rather than nobodies. You got put on the air because you’re not afraid to strut your ignorance and bigotry in public, and advertisers know your listeners are guillable enough to buy anything, including your books.

I don’t believe in God because there are excellent, rational reasons for not doing so. I’m happy I don’t believe in God because of fuckwits like you. I feel sorry for those friends of mine who believe in God, because their belief is tainted by your megaloserocity.

You’re the anti-proof of God, Bill. I’m glad that evolution isn’t a conscious process, because it would be tragic to think that it intentionally created someone as ridiculous as you.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go bleach my brain.

Nice Try, Bill-O, but You're No Proof of God

You've Got That Fucking Right

jacob

If all Christianity was like Margaret Cho’s, I’d enjoy having it around as much as Buddhism:

All kinds of Christians are getting mad about my Sarah Palin comments, and it is pissing me off.

First of all – you fucking fake Christians – don’t fucking question my Christianity. I grew up in the church. My grandfather was a minister, who is with God now and talks to me in my dreams from God’s corner office. I am a former Sunday school teacher. I taught the Bible to children and showed them how to love God and invite him into their hearts. I believe in God – but I don’t fear him. God is my best friend. God is my ally. God is my boyfriend. God is my best fag. I am God’s fag hag cuz didn’t you know, God is a big fag. Serious bottom too. Butch in the streets, femme in the sheets. That is my God. God is my biggest fan. God gets me, dude.

Can you believe it gets better? The fucking fake Christians get to take their righteous fucking teeth home in their hats. Pure awesome.

Atheists don’t need to fight fundamentalist Christianity. All we need is a few more Christians like Margaret Cho to aim their way, plenty of popcorn, and good seats.

(Tip o’ the shot glass to Kos)

You've Got That Fucking Right

Jesus is My Laundry Detergent

jacob5 Comments

Every night during the drive home for work, I swivel my head to see what kind of claptrap the local frothing Christian readerboard wants me to believe now.

Tonight, they would like me to know that Jesus is my laundry detergent:

JESUS CHRIST
IS ALL


And, my goodness, they must be right. It says so right on the bottle:


See? All. Mighty. Almighty.

So… Am I desecrating the Lord when I use the All Mighty to clean the litter box? Am I still allowed to recycle the bottle? And why hasn’t Jesus been able to get rid of those stupid annoying armpit stains on my white hoodie?

I should drop by and ask. Who wants to go with me to snap reaction shots?

Jesus is My Laundry Detergent