Please Let the 80s Never Return

I’m not quite sure why I decided to torture myself, but I decided to look up some videos of a few of my favorite songs from middle school. The music is, of course, uber-cheesey, although I will argue that the voices are good. But dear Glod, the fashion. How did we get through the hairspray and pancake makeup and hideous clothes in order to engage in intimate activities? How did we ever find this crap attractive? Aaaagh.

Image is a cat wearing a yellow and blue striped polo shirt with the collar up. Caption says, "80s cat lives wif his collar up."

Before you go on, I must warn you… it’s not pretty.

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Adventures In ACE XIV: God’s Special Snowflakes

When this series is over, I’m going to need that mind-zapper thingy from Men In Black. You’ll probably need it, too, so you’re welcome to borrow it when I’m done. If we don’t clear our minds of this crap, we’ll never be able to play in the snow again.

We had hints last time that the writers of ACE PACE 1087 suck mightily at understanding the science of the hydrosphere. But verily, I say unto you, that introduction gave us no warning at how spectacularly incompetent they are at the science of snowflakes. I know I always tell you to pad any surfaces around you before proceeding, but I really mean it this time. And don a helmet and a neck brace so that repeated headdesking won’t result in permanent injury. Also, if anyone in your household is sleeping, or there are persons or animals who get distressed by loud howls of derision, please take this opportunity to procure a gag, thick pillow, or some other device that will muffle your cries. [Read more…]

Two Glittery Hoo-Ha’s in a Month? What Are You Trying to Tell Me, Universe?

Coinky-dinks are funny things. I didn’t think I’d ever come across glittery hoo-ha’s again outside of the Dogs and Goddesses deconstruction I’d got inadvertently sucked in to at Raven Wings. For those who are blissfully unaware of it, Dogs and Goddesses is a gawdawful romance book about a bunch of single women, their dogs, and some Mesopotamian goddess, plus a sexy god (of course), and a weird murderous priestess (ditto), and the sexy but assholish math professor (yep), and some other people I don’t even remember, because the bits Yami quoted were atrocious. There is a potion, and aphrodisiac cookies, and one of the ladies ends up with endless orgasm powers, and I just can’t with this.

Look, I only got involved in it because I was reading her This Present Darkness deconstruction. I will tell you about that book someday soon. Then you will understand why I enjoyed watching Yami savage it, and why I accidentally ended up reading a deconstruction of a really bizarre romance novel. Yami’s really damned good at deconstructions and I was powerless, okay?

Anyway. Goddesses. Dogs. And, toward the end the book, glittery hoo-ha’s. [Read more…]

Why Do I Have So Many Photos of Random Babies? Plus, Baby Me

I just went on a gallop through my box o’ disorganized photos to find the few pics I’ve got of Misha as a kitten, and ended up wading through twelve gajillion babies I don’t recognize anymore. I don’t even remember people handing me photos of these random infants. I know there must be a reason for most of them, but there’s only a couple I recognize. The rest are just small photos of children I probably never met, handed to me by proud relations I was friends with. It’s weird – but only because in the digital age, when it’s easier to share photos than ever, I don’t get any unknown infant pictures. I guess it’s because the proud relations can do their sharing on Facebook or something. I dunno. Has anyone else experienced this?

I did find my blackmail photo. The person in question has passed beyond the Age of Susceptibility to Mortal Embarrassment and is now old enough to laugh at her silly small child antics, so I shall never get to use it. But it’s totes adorbs. You’ll have to take my word for it, because I’m not putting it on the intertoobz unless she contacts me and tells me to go right ahead.

You’ll have to settle for some other kid’s pictures instead. Let’s see what’s in this mess….  [Read more…]

Fundamentals of Fungi: Pantherina

Let me introduce you to a beautiful probably-Amanita pantherina mushroom that said “Fuck you, lawnmowers!” and popped up this spring. Well, early March. It counted as spring because damn, our March was warm. Must be all that global warming I hear so much about.

Image shows a round-topped, brown, white-spotted mushroom on a lawn.

Most probably Amanita pantherina.

Of course, I could be wrong about the identity, I am not an expert. But it’s somebody from the Amanita family, and pantherina fits the bill. Besides, I love the name. If I ever get a panther, I shall name her Pantherina (spoiler: I will not ever have a panther, because Misha has taught me that having a cat that can’t bite your arms literally off is safest). [Read more…]

How Feminism Changed My Duck-Feeding Habits. Plus: Epic Food Fight!

Here’s an interesting thing about becoming a full-bore feminist: it’s changed my duck feeding habits. Seriously. Female birds tend to be pretty plain, and they’re not usually aggressive show-offs like the males. Before I started getting seriously into feminism, I just kind of ignored them. The boys were prettier. The girls were boring. [Read more…]

Escape: A Harrowing Tale of Fundamentalism and Freedom

I’ve been in an easily-distractable mood lately. I keep fussing around with books, picking them up for a few pages or paragraphs before tossing them aside and moving on to something else. I was afraid I’d never finish another book again in my life until I picked up Carolyn Jessop’s Escape. I didn’t even mean to buy it – I was there for Jon Krakauer’s Under the Banner of Heaven, actually, and decided I’d better look around for similar books written by women, because my reading list has unfortunately been skewing too heavily dude. Up popped Escape, and I said “Brilliant,” and placed my order.

Image is the cover of Escape, which is photo of Carolyn Jessop on a black background. She cradles a framed picture of herself as an FLDS teenager in her hands. She is a woman in her thirties with chestnut hair and blue eyes.

This seriously screwed up my already-precarious sleep schedule, and almost ruined my April Fools’ Day plans. [Read more…]