I’m not quite sure why I decided to torture myself, but I decided to look up some videos of a few of my favorite songs from middle school. The music is, of course, uber-cheesey, although I will argue that the voices are good. But dear Glod, the fashion. How did we get through the hairspray and pancake makeup and hideous clothes in order to engage in intimate activities? How did we ever find this crap attractive? Aaaagh.
Before you go on, I must warn you… it’s not pretty.
Her hair. It doesn’t move. His mullet. Likewise. Why. WHY DID WE DO THIS?
People sometimes like to claim that fashion trends repeat. I hope we can just skip the 80s. Please, please let us skip the 80s entirely. I mean, seriously, what the fuck were we thinking?
That… that was supposed to be a hot night out… I can’t even…
ZOMG THE HUGE-ASS SWEATERS! And the tucked-in shirts! AND MOAR MULLETS DEAR FUCK WHAT DID WE EVER SEE IN MULLETS???
And yes, Richard Marx totally was my middle-school crush. I admit this. I still like his facial structure. It wasn’t all hairspray and mousse.
Oh, gawd, my eyes. The fluorescents! How could I forget the fluorescents?! Otherwise, her style wasn’t all that bad… I mean, comparatively speaking. I adored her. I had her perfume. It was this hideous hot pink color and it smelled hot pink, like cotton candy and bubblegum, and it clung to your nose. I can still smell it. I had two bottles. I had a peach-colored dress with enormous shoulder pads and that perfume, and I thought it was awesome.
Sob.
Must cleanse. Must have metal.
Yes, Dream Theatre was pretty much the first real metal I started listening to after that 80s phase. That and Queensryche were my gateway drugs to the really heavy stuff.
And, finally, one of the best things to ever come out of the 80s: Alannah Myles and this song.
Yeah, buddy. That’s the stuff… We can maybe bring back that particular bit.
For every Sam Fox and Richard Marks you get a Smiths, That Petrol Emotion, The The , Teardrop explodes, Jam/style Council, The Cure, killing Joke, Echo & The Bunny Men…
^^^^ thats what happens when you DJ an “alternative 80s” night :P
I keep quoting this because it’s true.
“ninety percent of everything is crap.”
Dissing Richard Marx? – unacceptable!!!
As a child of the 80s, I must protest. Some things from the 80s are pretty durned awesome.
Every decade has their “WTF were we thinking?” icons of cool. As one of your older readers, I have seen duckass (DA’s) and butch haircuts, poodle skirts, platform shoes, Angel flight pants, leisure suits, shoulders padded and not, skirts high, low and everywhere in between, avocado and burnt orange carpet and appliances, shag carpeting and and and.
Trust me – what you now feel is awesome to the ultimate will also provoke these same WTF reactions in 20 more years.
I wore parachute pants in the 80s.
My excuse is youth. I’m not sure if that’s a good enough excuse but it’s all I’ve got.
You mean the resurgence of fluorescents, tiered skirts, off-shoulder sweatshirts, and baggy sweaters hasn’t made its way to the west coast yet? Give it time, Dana. You already have leggings and ankle boots, don’t you? Give it time.
It seems to be a trend, so many things that seemed so universally and nearly transcendentally good at the time look very foolish twenty years later. I’m glad I didn’t get those tattoos.
That said, living is a process. We can’t regret earlier stages for they are how we go to where we are now any more than we can regret crawling before we learned to walk.
I spent most of the 80s in men’s clothes. Jeans, t-shirts, flannies, desert boots. Except for the occasional abortive veer into punk and proto-goth.
But yeah, in the 80s people sneered in disdain at the hideous fashions of the 50s & 60s. In the 90s they sneered at the 70s. I think it’s about a 25 year cycle. Your mom’s wedding photos are like, the ULTRA-tackiest.
Paul Simon released “Gracelands” in 1986. The 80s weren’t just shoulder pads and The Asshole Who Used To Be Called Prince.
That’s Sturgeon’s Law.
Queensryche?!! Now, I must turn my Member’s Only-clad back on you.
The 1980’s left?
Oh yeah, we;re well beyond ‘Towards 2000’ now. Fifteen years past it even. Shit. Where did time go?
Leave it to the Canadians for redemption. Even Neil Peart finally grew up and stopped the Randian fantasy bullshit of earlier Rush lyrics.