Hello, World. Still Fucked Up, I See: Elliot Rodger Edition »« Adventures in Mental Health Care

I’m Not Dead! Just Sleeping Like It…

I think I figured out where my new medications put my anxiety: it transferred it to all of you! I didn’t mean to worry you, my darlings! Should’ve checked my email weeks ago… dear, oh, dear. All the hugs and apologies for scaring you!

Rest assured, I am alive, in reasonably good health, and much better spirits. Of course, the first week on the new meds was pretty rocky. The anxiety and depression vanished almost instantly, but I was loopy and slightly nauseous and couldn’t really think. Then they flipped the sleep mode switch, and so my routine has been basically see bed > lie down > sleep until dragged to day job > repeat endlessly. I’m not even kidding. Opening the computer became a Sisyphean task. I’d sit up, pry open the lid, then it snapped closed and the bed swallowed me again before I could open a page.

Image shows a cat face-planted on a bed. Caption says, "I will nap... HERE."

This has gone on for over a month, but is now getting better. I can even be awake almost hours at a time! And tonight, I can skim email and focus on a blog post. Woo-hoo progress!

Ye olde day jobe, which I am sadly stuck with until I get my medical stuff straightened out, has been utter chaos. After gods know how many years of the most obnoxious yellow walls and dingy swirly-patterned industrial carpet filled with more stains than design (and duct-taped down in places, not even kidding), they decided to remodel. While having us take overflow calls for about every type of phone we’ve ever offered. Even the ones we have no training for. While telling us to use their nifty new technical troubleshooting gadget. Which is horrifically broken. Which Starspider, myself, and others have desperately been attempting to fix for over a month now. Our master design guru had gotten part of it into excellent shape, with features that made all the reps on the floor drool. Only to be told a few days before launch that our nifty ideas had been scuttled, and our guru had to redesign the entire thing in less than a week. Stress? You betcha! I swear I thought that poor kiddo was gonna jump off the roof a time or two. But we got ‘er done, and our guru lives.

Needless to say, I didn’t have time to read email at work, or blog. But the new medication did the trick. I should’ve been ripping hanks of hair out and having a complete breakdown. Instead, I laughed a lot at the utterly predictable disastrousness of it all. Then I’d go home to my kitty and – you guessed it –

Image shows a cat sleeping with its tongue hanging out. Caption says "Drool"

Yeah, I have been incredibly exciting – if you like watching marathon snoozing. Add to that Starspider moving, and B needing help battling a doctor who doesn’t believe anxiety is really a thing, and having to change supervisors suddenly, and having people in meatspace need me for things every time I had a conscious few hours… yeah, I’ve been neglecting my online life big time.

And neglected you. And worried you. Which is bad. And so I’ve made arrangements with Starspider and B to let you all know if anything actually happens to me, so that you won’t ever have to worry again! They’ll keep you informed as to what’s going on if I suddenly go silent again.

The side effects from ye new drugs are fading, and I might have a combo that allows me to stay awake for more than minutes at a time after work, so I should be returning to blogging seriously here very soon. And the dreams – cinematic, incredibly detailed dreams that have the Muse rubbing her hands with glee and saying, “Hey, we can work with this!” Those dreams have provided me a story line or two which I’m pursuing, so it won’t be just geology and social commentary you get from me, I hope!

For now, though, it’s time for me to

Image is a gif of a tiny kitten yawning and falling asleep.

Comments

  1. rq says

    I’m rather speechless with excitement.
    *hugs*
    May the new medications settle in, while leaving you with some energy.

  2. says

    Yes, fair to say that even relatively infrequent commenters such as myself, not to mention the lurkers, were beginning to worry about you, so it’s a great relief to see you blogging with a relatively mundane explanation for it all. Glad the new meds are working out, hope the side-effects can be minimised; and enjoy the sleep!

  3. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Good to see you around. I’m a very infrequent commenter on your blog, but I do read…and I noticed your long absence. hope things continue to get better….

  4. carlie says

    Oh, good! Sorry if we all upset you by our worrying. :) So glad things are starting to look up!

  5. says

    I hope you can wake up for a little get-together on Friday, when I’ll be in Seattle. Check the backchannel for info!

  6. Trebuchet says

    So glad to hear from you Dana! I almost posted a query to PZ on his Seattle post but thought I should check here first. We’ve missed you.

  7. geekgirlsrule says

    So glad you’re feeling better! Coming out of my own funk, I can sympathize.

  8. morgan ?! epitheting a metaphor says

    So glad to hear you are doing better, Dana. So many of us have also battled with depression which allows for a far greater amount of empathy and, of course, worry. Glad to have you back.

  9. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    and much better spirits

    Pun intended?

    Glad you’re all right.

  10. Dave, ex-Kwisatz Haderach says

    Yay! So glad to hear you’re doing well.

    Gotta love the drugs that give you the vivid, high-def cinematic dreams. I don’t normally dream (or at least ever remember if I do), but when I get the right drug combo, I just never want to get out of bed. Blows me away what my mind can come up with when it gets let off the chain. Sleep as much as you need to, and enjoy the show!

  11. otrame says

    Ha. Glad to hear you are doing better. I was worried. You have a lot of people who care about you, my dear.

    I had a similar reaction to my first antidepressant, lo these decades ago. I got over it. I’m glad it is working for you. Better living through chemistry.

  12. tiko says

    I’m not a frequent commenter but I’m a regular reader and so glad to hear you are doing ok.

  13. Lithified Detritus says

    Very glad and relieved to know that you are ok. Seeing this post made my day, and it was a pretty good day already.

  14. Crudely Wrott says

    There you are!
    Truth be told, I figgered you’d be coming out of hiberation first week in May. Climate change or summat, eh?

    So good to know that you are mostly all right and will be returning to us all pretty soon.
    Meantime, get rested and get all ways well so you can tell us moar stuff we’ll really love learning.

  15. StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return! says

    Great to read that you are okay and getting better and hope this recovery is smooth and successful and look forward to reading more blog posts from you, Dana Hunter, – but look after yourself and make sure you are fien first.

    Virtual hugs if you want them.

  16. psanity says

    Oh, Dana, I’m so glad you’re OK and feeling better! Antidepressants can be rocky to acclimate to, and I’m glad that sleep is your worst side effect. After feeling so lousy for a while, your body and mind have some healing to do, and sleeptime is good for that — knits up the raveled sleeve of care and all, y’know.

    Keep feeling better, and I hope the work situation improves. By the way, losing medical insurance due to a change in job status is one of the exceptions that allows a person to sign up for ACA insurance outside the annual open enrollment. Just so you know.

    Wishing you lots of cuddly kitties…

  17. janeymack says

    I’m another frequently-read-but-seldom-post type, also happy to see you back in action! I half-expected May 18 to coax you out of your lair, but glad you can join us now.

    Having watched my daughter go through various let’s-try-this rounds of medication for various things, I can only feel sympathy for you. I know it is a miserable process–but I also know that you can come out the other side feeling better, so I am glad you seem to be getting to that point. Will be looking forward to more rocks, flowers, birds, kitties, and my beautiful & beloved Pacific Northwest!

  18. petemoulton says

    Welcome back, Dana! I’m delighted to hear that you’re getting back to your old self.

  19. movablebooklady says

    Good to know you’re not dead. I don’t post much but I’m a dedicated reader so I’ve been really missing your essays and adventures. I hope everything settles down soon and gets balanced out and we hear from you more often. Best of luck to you.

  20. Onamission5 says

    Reappearance of Dana *and* a gif of tiny baby kitty sleeping? My day is complete.

    Glad to have you back, and to hear that you are doing better.

  21. says

    I’m relieved! (Was relieved yesterday when I saw this, but had a commenting glitch.) I was worried and I had worried commenters – they were worried too, you see.

    Hope you can stay awake long enough to hang out with PZ & co tomorrow!