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Mar 28 2014

Oh, Christianist Lab Manual. You Make Me Snicker.

I’m about to bugger off for the weekend – I’m behind on about nine trillion fronts, and every time I try to catch up, life shoves another pile of Overwhelm™ atop me. So I gotta take some time to chill and also read the bajillion (okay, 12) papers I downloaded pertaining to the Oso Mudslide. The cat is also going through her spring uptick in energy, and considering she’s twenty years old, it’s something I’ll put everything else on hold to enjoy.

Everything except the BJU Earth Science 4th Edition Lab Manual.

I thought I might be disappointed by the thing, but the moment I got it and flipped to a random page, and saw “Explain why the Haber-Bosch Process is an example of humans following God’s command in Genesis 1:28,” I knew it would be all I’d hoped it would be.

Then I decided to look at exercise 5a, “Where Do Those Dates Come From?” Had to be sure I was getting your money’s worth (and thank you for that cash, my darlings – it’s allowed me to acquire us yet more fascinating yet horrifying creationist crap). Boy, am I. Because

After completing this lab, you will be able to:

✓construct a chronology using Bible dating information.

✓connect your chronology to a historical date to find the age of the earth.

That, my loves, is the Christianist version of a science lab exercise.

Some of the labs are straightforward and look like quite a bit of fun, like creating a barometer and such. Those things are so bland they didn’t even bother to throw goddidit into some of the exercises. But don’t worry. You’ll get plenty of biblical nonsense when we do labs for stuff like radiometric dating. You can hardly wait, amirite?

Image is a demotivational poster showing a flat earth perched on four pillars, with the rest of the solar system revolving around it. Caption reads, "Biblical Literalism: Getting science wrong for over 2,800 years!"

A Beka’s lab manuals are awaiting me in our apartment office. I may have to break my intended radio silence in order to give you some sneak peeks at those, too.

Alrighty. Must away. I’ll have some great stuff for ye soon!

5 comments

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  1. 1
    rq

    Sounds like fun! I can’t wait!
    *glee*

  2. 2
    moarscienceplz

    If god wants us to turn nitrogen into ammonia, why did he design the N2 molecule with a triple bond that is nearly impossible to break?

  3. 3
    barnestormer

    Yay! I mean, boo! I mean. . . I’ve been enjoying this series immensely, plus I always learn something new about Actual Science while learning new things about Christianist Science.

    Looking forward to the new posts!

  4. 4
    stever

    Do they have an explanation of why neither Pioneer spacecraft crashed into the Firmament? And why the Earth, from the outside, looks so much like a sphere when the Babble clearly says that it’s a flat surface, with corners?

  5. 5
    had3

    How do you know they didn’t crash into the firmament? You weren’t there! (Sometimes it’s too easy)

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