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Sep 20 2013

At Last, The Perfect Snark for the “Criticism Murderer Mah Freeze Peaches !” Contingent

You patrons of our fine Freethought Blogs establishments have undoubtedly run into the ridiculous folk who whine and howl about how we killed their free speech with nasty criticism. There’s one such meltdown just this week, which promised to be at least mildly entertaining – until The Denver Atheist took his ball and sulked home, thus infringing upon my right to pursue happiness at his expense.

Still. Must admire his ability to stick a flounce for over twelve hours, a skill which is vanishingly rare amongst those who cry about how meeeaaaannnn we are and say they’re really really leaving and they totally mean it this time. No, seriously, they’re outta here. This time – no, this time – well, definitely this time, they are so leaving because we are soooooo mean and awful that they’ll never be back again. Except for all those times they come back to tell us how mean we are and how right they are before leaving again for reals this time…

Our Freeze Peach Warrierz are nothing if not obsessively devoted to their causes, especially the cause of giving the rest of us headaches from chronic eye-rolling.

And really, what do you say to people stupid enough to argue that we are Taking Away All the Freeze Peaches by exercising our own?

The fine folks at Wonkette, who have some Freeze Peach Crusaderz of their own, have decided to turn a mirror shined with premium snark upon the doughty brigades:

But aren’t we free to write say what we want in this country? We are writing what we think is best for our blog and are not forcing our beliefs on anyone else. Why would you write a comment that disagrees, “sanwin?” Haven’t you ever hear of something called “freedom of speech”? Stop oppressing us with your words, which make it impossible for us to do freedom! This is Amercia!

I shall engrave this paragraph upon something gleaming and durable, with a blank space for the name, and present it to each intrepid Freeze Peach Warriur who comes round crying about how Criticism Equals Tyrrany. Because, really, such behavior thaws mah peaches right out. Sheesh.

9 comments

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  1. 1
    Stacy

    such behavior thaws mah peaches right out

    :D

    And all those people who don’t read your blog are FASCIST OPPRESSORS!

  2. 2
    David Hart

    I misread that as ‘the perfect snack’, and though that someone was actually producing some sort of peach-ice product.

  3. 3
    Avo, also nigelTheBold

    David Hart: just for you.

    I can’t say it’s the perfect snack, but it’s a damned good one.

  4. 4
    SallyStrange

    Remember when we were being called Fascists by such renowned and well-respected atheists as Harriet Hall? *snif* She walked it back, but Denver Atheist is recalling some fond memories for me. Those were the days.

  5. 5
    lorn

    A lot of this, IMHO, comes down to confusion over what is public space. A lot of Freeze Peach advocates, when closely questioned, seem to think that blogs are public space and that rules of civil behavior, language, decorum and respect for the blog owner and citizens don’t apply.

  6. 6
    rq

    Blogs are public spaces because anyone can read them, duh. Which means that one can behave on a blog as they would in any other public space… Oh wait.

    Yup, those Freeze Peach advocates are definitely missing some logic.

  7. 7
    janiceclanfield

    But, but what to do about Freeze Peach for Canadian scientists???

    Oh dear.

  8. 8
    blf

    Analogy can be a good tool for highlighting an issue or, as in this case, ridiculousness. One point however is the analogy can’t be based on something too similar to the issue (or area of expertise), or else nit-picking and missing-the-point tends to ensue. With that in mind, here’s my first attempt at an analogy:

    I walk into a bar and order a Martini prepared in the traditional James Bond style, “Shaken, not stirred.”

    Another patron of the bar advises me that the Martini is better stirred, and tells the bartender that is what I want.

    The bartender asks me.

    “Thanks for the advice, Madam or Sir, but this is my little tradition. Please allow me to enjoy it.” Turning to waiting bartender, “Shake mine, please. And please make one for that gentleman or lady, but stir it, please.”

    The other patron starts shouting that I am despoiling a good drink and should not be allowed to do such a thing, nor should I ever be allowed in this or any other bar.

    The barkeeper (and bouncer, if there is one) puts up with this for awhile, before politely asking the other patron to leave. Said patron flounces out screaming his enjoyment of a good drink has been ruined by my uncouth and insulting behaviour.

    (In case anyone wants to buy me a Martini, I couldn’t care less about the shaken-or-stirred. I’m more concerned with the quality of the gin…)

  9. 9
    Marcus Ranum

    Ignorance is strength!
    Freedom is slavery!
    Free Speech is silence!

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