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Feb 27 2013

Damn Sensible Advice

My stepmother posted this in her timeline, and it seems quite apropos.

Sage advice. Image courtesy Shut the Front Door.

Sage advice. Image courtesy Shut the Front Door.

Damn skippy I’m not. Never have been – I don’t have this diplomatic tendency to run about trying to make everyone all harmonize together. I don’t mind patiently talking to someone whose point of view differs from mine, as long as they aren’t actively malevolent or pushing my rage buttons. It’s nice to sometimes persuade people to change their minds, or to change my own when the situation warrants it. Even if we have to agree to leave a subject alone because we’re too many worlds apart, that’s okay – as long as they’re not calling someone else’s humanity or bodily autonomy into question.

But the haters? Yeah, fuck ‘em. There are some people swimming in the deep end of the cesspool, and I’m sorry, but I haven’t got the stomach to try fishing them out. Getting splashed with their sewage feels disgusting and the smell’s hard to wash out. The only time I want to talk to a hater is just when they’re considering that they might, just possibly, have been engaging in reprehensible behavior, and would like to ask my advice on how to clean up. (My advice, if anyone in the audience has just climbed out of a cesspit: hose the worst of it off yourself, apologize sincerely to those you’ve splashed filth all over, and then continue scrubbing. All will be well, though it might take more time and effort than you expected.)

This from now on will be my response to those who want me to make nice with the champion assbags: “I’m not the Jerk Whisperer.” Go elsewhere if you’re wanting someone to crawl up and lick the hands of haters. I’m too busy for lost causes.

6 comments

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  1. 1
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    Damn Skippy?

    But, what did the Bush kangaroo ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skippy_the_Bush_Kangaroo ) ever do to you?

    Odd expression, haven’t read that’ un before.

    1. 1.1
      Aliasalpha

      Yeah, don’t damn skippy!

      Shoot him & cook him instead, at least you’ll get a good bit of protein that way

  2. 2
    rq

    This is good advice. Also, I do not want to be the jerk whisperer.
    So there.

  3. 3
    ttch

    I remember an online conversation where one guy who was able to calm the group’s boss–widely considered an ass–was referred to as “the ass whisperer”.

    Hilarity ensued.

  4. 4
    heliconia

    Oh how I wish there were a jerk whisperer one could hire.

    1. 4.1
      Acolyte of Sagan

      If that’s metaphor for ’9mm Beretta with silencer’ then I might just know someone…..

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