Whenever the weather’s cold, Starspider recoils a bit, draws her wool greatcoat tight round her, and exclaims, “It’s colder than a sled dog’s arsehole out here!” It doesn’t seem to matter what the actual temperature is – this starts when the weather dips below 60°F in September and continues until late spring.
One days, I finally asked her, “How cold is a sled dog’s arsehole?” And we realize we do not know. There is, as far as we know, no empirical research measuring the temperature of the bare skin on husky butts. She’s decided to do a Kickstarter to raise funds. We figure the easiest way is to send temperature guns to sled dog breeders in the depth of winter so they can shoot their dogs in the arse and come up with an average. That way, no one’s out there trying to hold a thermometer against arseholes. I have a feeling we’d not get many takers for performing that action. But zapping them with, say, a temp gun with a laser sight? That should be an easy sell!
Before she puts together the Kickstarter, she wants me to ask you all: what do you think an adequate sample size is? Fifty butts? A hundred? How many different breeders? How many countries? We will need to know these parameters before we calculate how much money we’ll have to beg For Sled Dog Science!
And if anyone has any suggestions as to which temp guns are the best, we’d be glad to hear it.
Remember, people: It’s for Science. We must base our phrases like “Colder than a sled dog’s arsehole” in reality. We must have an answer when people challenge us as to the accuracy of our assessment of the ambient temperature.