Dumbfuckery du Jour

It’s going to take me days to dig out.  We didn’t have internet access at the hotel – not because they didn’t have wi-fi, but because they didn’t have a hard line, and something went wonky with my wi-fi on my computer long ago which I’ve never bothered to fix.  So that was two days’ worth of Twitter, science blogs, and political blogs I missed.  I’ve managed to catch up on ye old Twitter reading, and I’m mostly done with the Washington Monthly.

It appears the political world exploded into yet more burning stupid flames whilst I was away.  Let’s see if I can sum up:

The Chamber of Commerce believes that females like myself are totally responsible for the pay gap between genders, because of all that time we demand away from work.  Or something.  And demanding equal pay for equal work is “Scrouge-like.”  Oh, and we wouldn’t be in this situation if we’d just been smart enough to get a job at a company that doesn’t fuck us over (ignoring the fact it’s nearly impossible to determine this in advance, or that in some places, finding such a company would be harder than finding an intelligent person at the Chamber).  Additionally, we should’ve married a sugar daddy.  So there, girls!

Sharron Angle doesn’t understand why World War II stimulated the economy.  (Hint: it has a little something to do with massive government spending, you fucktard.)

Speaking of dumbshits for Senate, Rand Paul wants to represent Kentucky, but doesn’t know jack diddly shit about the state.  Oh, and tax cuts cure drug addiction!  That Tax Fairy of theirs sure is all-powerful.  Wait.  Gasp!  Does this mean that the Tax Fairy is a false idol?!

Speaking of yet more dumbshits for Senate, Wisconsin’s Ron Johnson wants you to know that global warming has nothing to do with all the greenhouse gasses humans are pumping into the atmosphere.  No, siree.  It’s probably all that sunspot activity (nevermind that sunspot activity is low).  Or maybe it’s “just something in the geologic eons of time.”  Damn those geologic eons!  Side note: people like him are the reason America’s not just falling behind in the alternative energy race, but is sitting on the sidelines watching other countries zip by.  Goodbye jobs, innovation and international prestige!  Hello, permanent recession!

Dr. Laura’s quitting her news show, and it’s all your fault.  Y’see, you evil librul politically correct elites are infringing on her freedom to shout the N-word at black women all she wants. 

For those keeping score at home, it’s not okay for America to emulate Europe in any way.  But it’s totally okay for America to emulate China (that would be Communist China), Pinochet’s Chile (a military dictatorship), and Saudi Arabia (which is a Middle Eastern Islamic theocracy).  I know all of that doesn’t square with their screaming over the evils of communism, tyranny and evil awful Islam, but no one ever claimed these folks are intellectually gifted enough to understand obvious contradictions.

You know all those teachers’ jobs recently-passed legislation will save?  Yeah, the Bachmann and King freakshow thinks that’s all just a big ol’ Dem money-laundering scheme.  Seriously.  It’s hard to trust democracy when idiots like these keep getting elected.

And there was far, far more Con stupidity I didn’t point out, and all in just one place.  Who knows what’s going to happen when I have time to swing by Think Progress and TPM.  The political environment’s so target-rich I may have to upgrade the Smack-o-Matic 3000 to something with multiple paddles.

Dumbfuckery du Jour
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Home Sweet Home

And now that I’m home safe, I’m going to indulge in immediate collapse.  But I wanted you all to have a little something:



Yup, that’s sunset from the Hurricane Hill Trail in the Olympic Mountains, that is.

So much to show and tell you about, once I’ve repaid my sleep debt.  I love you, and I’ve missed you, and I’m glad to be back home!

Home Sweet Home

Hooked on Science

Via the magic of the intertoobz, I can simultaneously be up in the Olympic Mountains exploring excellent geology and pestering you lot.  Don’t you feel fortunate? 

Now’s a good time for us to discuss what got you hooked on science.  We all come to it from different directions.  For some, it was Star Trek, or a great science teacher, or an interesting childhood experience.  Some folks dropped in by way of their job, or a popular writer, or a nature show.  So I’m curious: what did it for you?  What was your gateway drug?  What got you interested, and what got you hooked?

I’ll start, since I’m the one writing the damned post.  You’ll probably laugh, but it was this: fantasy.  Pure fantasy.  Y’see, I got hooked on fantasy novels, and decided this was where I belonged as a writer, and after a bit realized I need to know a hell of a lot more about the real world in order to write about imaginary ones.  Oh, I’d had a mild interest and some respect for science ever since childhood, when I’d wanted to be an astronomer and sometimes a vet.  But I’d not have the passion I do now if I’d not started reading and writing fantasy. 

Once I got started (with, what else, cosmology), I couldn’t stop.  The deeper I dug, the more fascinated I became.  Even stuff I’d despised, like biology, became intriguing.  The world suddenly ended up a lot more beautiful and a lot more interesting than it had been before.  I’m an addict now.  I couldn’t give up science even with an excellent residential treatment program. 

So: Hi, my name is Dana, and I’m hooked on science.

Your turn, my darlings.  Have your say, whether you’re a hardcore user or just dabble in it recreationally. 

Hooked on Science

Clueless Reporter + Creationists = FAIL

Yep, woke up too early after falling asleep too late.  But that’s all to the good!  I got to spend time upon the intertoobz, and wouldn’t you know that Brian Switek wrote up one of the most delicious dishes of fail I’ve seen in, well, days.  Here’s what happens when a frigate bird crosses the paths of credulous “journalists” and a couple of creationists:

Sadly, some people still get duped by the fantastic claims espoused by “professional monster hunters.” Last week on Salem-News.com, reporter Terrence Aym posted an article proclaiming: “Dinosaur Found Alive: Two Species Recorded in Papua New Guinea.” (The piece is a shortened version of an article Aym posted to Helium.com.) Citing eyewitness accounts collected by “serious researchers” Jim Blume and David Woetzel, Aym reports that at least two types of pterosaur—flying archosaurs which were not dinosaurs—still soar over Papua New Guinea, and he even provides some video to prove it.
The trouble is that the video provides a pretty clear look at what is definitely a frigatebird, probably a female great frigatebird (Fregata minor) based upon the dark feathers and white patch on the chest. 
[snip]
Then there is the problem of Aym’s sources. Both Blume and Woetzel are creationist explorers who have tried to promote the existence of living pterosaurs and dinosaurs. In fact, Woetzel has gone as far to propose these living pterosaurs as the “fiery flying serpent” of Isaiah 30:6 in the Bible, claiming that the pterosaurs also give off a kind of bioluminescent glow they use to catch fish. For Woetzel, such anecdotes are enough to prove that humans and pterosaurs have always coexisted, and in a Creation Research Society Quarterly paper he asserts that “evolutionists have appropriated the natural fascination with the terrible reptiles to propound their belief in naturalistic origins and billions of years of evolution.  By God’s grace we should strive to tear down this high place and point people instead to the great Creator.”

Apparently Mr. Aym never learned in Journalism 101 that one should actually, y’know, verify your sources.

This rather glaringly points up the incredible inanity of creationists, as well as the piss-poor quality of reporters.  It’s pretty pathetic when you have to turn to cryptozoology and ridiculous postulations about surviving pterosaurs to shore up your faith.  They’re not even trying to shoehorn facts to fit the Bible – they’re just making shit up.  If they weren’t so faith-blind, they’d have a pretty good shot at a lucrative career writing fantasy.  Alas, people this god-deluded don’t make good novelists.  Too preachy.  Fantasy fans want fun, not fundamentalism.

Brian, darling, thank you for giving me a good sendoff!  Now I must away to say my goodbyes to the cat (hopefully without getting maimed in the process) and brave Seattle morning traffic so I can bring you all some awesome geology, plus flowers.

If you’re needing amusement whilst I’m away, call up your local creationist, tell him you’ve got living proof the descendants of the dinosaurs still walk among us, and give him a budgie.

Clueless Reporter + Creationists = FAIL

Excuses, Excuses

I haven’t got any good ones for not coming up with some scintillating posts today.  Oh, granted, it was hot enough to sap all of the life out of me, and we haven’t any air conditioning.  And there was the Rocko’s Modern Life marathon I’d recorded, which demanded to be watched.  Called the parents and taught my stepmother how to troubleshoot her own phone.  Put the finishing touches on the trip to the Olympics, and whittled the itinerary down to something manageable in the time we’ve got.  Chased after free geology publications from the state of Washington, but didn’t get any of them read.  And had to venture forth from the house before I starved to death.  That, alas, is just about it.

I took a look at the political news and yawned.  Thought about reading some science blogs and discovered my brain had melted into a homogeneous little lump.  So it goes.

For those interested in where we’ll be, plans look something like this:

Day I

Hurricane Ridge, where we shall be walking along the roof of the world and seeing some lovely geology.  Oh, and flowers, too.

A trip up the Elwha River Valley for Last Dam Summer – they’re taking out the dams soon, so this is our last chance to see.

And, if time permits, Lake Crescent, which is twelve miles long and carved by a glacier.  If not, we’ll be hitting that one in the ay-em.

Then o blessed sleep wot knits the raveled sleeve of… sorry.  It’s just that with the temp still at 80 degrees in the house and the fact that I normally don’t go to bed until sunrise, I know I won’t sleep well tonight, and then there’s all the lovely exercise to contend with.

Day II

Rialto Beach, if we get a chance, where we shall see the Hole-in-the-Wall.

Hoh Rainforest, because I’ve not yet seen a temperate rainforest.

And, if time permits, Ruby Beach, hopefully around sunset.

Then it’s hope, and to sleep, wot knits – sorry. 

If I get the opportunity, I’ll be posting a few sneak-peaks from the hotel tomorrow.  If not, you can expect something quite soon.  And I did load up a little something to tide you over while I’m gone, just in case the idea of a day without Dana horrifies you. 

Whilst I’m away, you might feel the urge to tell me about the mustn’t-be-missed attractions in your area.  This would be wonderful, especially if you live in Indiana or North Carolina, as it seems I may be condemned privileged to visit them both next summer chasing after various relatives and best friends.  If you’ve written up a favorite place, do link to it in comments.  Shameless self promotion is good. Indulge yourselves!

I’ll see ye when I return from the wilderness, or at least the bits of it that can be easily reached by automobile.

Excuses, Excuses

I Require a Sugar Daddy

That’s the only conclusion I can come to.  So many books, so little time and money.  The problem has become acute, because I just discovered a whole slew of books I didn’t know existed but desperately need to own.

It all began when Ron posted a comment telling me about the Roadside Geology of Mount Rainier National Park and Vicinity.  Why, yes, a little bit of drool did dribble down my chin.  Yes, I did shout “ZOMG I love you, Ron, thankyouthankyouthankyou!” 

I tend to shout that a lot when I’m reading comments from you lot, actually.  Even when you all do make me reconsider the advisability of marriage.

I’ve discovered the book is downloadable via the Washington State Department of Natural Resources for free, which is wonderful, but right now my computer is telling me just how unimpressed it is with the idea of downloading a 300mb+ file.  Not to mention, this machine’s a little bulky for whipping out of a messenger bag.  So I may have no choice but to order the damned thing.  Pas de problem, as we used to say in French class – except while I was searching for a place where I could order that book, I came across this site full of recommended Northwest geology guidebooks.

I am so very, very fucked.

Well, actually, it’s not as bad as all that.  I’ve already read quite a few of the books on that page.  Just under half, in fact.  However, the site’s also full of field trips.  Lots and lots of geology field trips.

MOMMY.

It’s going to take time, money, and freedom from the day job to do all of this stuff.  As I have yet to become independently wealthy from ye olde writing, there’s nothing for it but to find some indulgent rich gentleman.  Or lady.  I’m not picky.  The poor sod will just have to put up with a homicidal cat and my quirks, not to mention being roundly ignored unless spry enough to accompany me on these trips.  Where, actually, they’ll probably be roundly ignored because I’ll be too busy drooling over rocks.  And if they’re under the mistaken impression that they’ll have me all to themselves in the winter, well, that’s the writing season, wherein I become a hermit whilst I frantically scribble on ye olde magnum opus.  Not to mention, there’s all that reading to catch up on.

But if you’re rich and looking for a good wife who won’t get underfoot as long as you shower her with books on geology and money for field trips, or if you wish to revive the classical concept of patronage, I am now accepting applications.

I Require a Sugar Daddy

Palinisms and a Very Good Point

Lockwood takes note of the new book of Palinisms soon to be published, and makes a damned good point:

However, I think that simply listing all these strange quotes (and they are strange) for the LOLs misses the point. First, it gets old pretty quick. Second, it overlooks, even obscures, the strange phenomenon of Palin: here is a person who apparently cannot tack together an intelligible sentence in the English language without a prompt, and even then it’s iffy. Yet people are paying her hundreds of thousands of dollars, even millions, for her writing and speeches. What does that say about the media, and what does it say about us? That is the book I’d like to read.

Yeah, me too.  To tell the truth, I have utterly no interest in reading a book of Palin quotes, even to poke fun at her.  At least with Bush and his Bushisms, you could sorta see where he’d intended to go, and where he’d taken the wrong turn at Albuquerque, and that made his verbal blunders all the funnier.  With Palin, it’s just painful.  It’s like trying to make fun of a retarded person who’s on drugs and is suffering from recent head trauma.  It’s just sad.  The only thing funny is that she believes she’s qualified to be POTUS, and even that hilarity is tempered by horror, because there are people dumb enough to vote for her.

I don’t know what’s worse: that, or the fact they find her babble comprehensible.  Maybe it’s like scripture or Nostradamus: nonsensical enough that people can read into it whatever they want to hear.  And perhaps that explains why she gets paid so much money for her inane shit.

Palinisms and a Very Good Point

I Haz Been Betrayed

There was only one quiet interval at work today wherein I could check my email, and there was this cry for help from my stepmother.  She’s got a new cell phone. 

What new cell phone? I fired back while my stomach made like iron and nickel on the molten earth and sank.

I will not mention the make and model, as that would betray where I work, and I do not want to tempt my corporate overlords into separating me from my only means of acquiring kitty kibble.  Needless to say, she’d chosen the one phone that is the bane of my existence (and the source of considerable job security).  It’s one of the most complicated phones we carry.  And this purchased by a woman who, a few years ago, swore she’d never own a cell phone ever in her life, and who only last year was flummoxed by a pre-paid flip phone.

So I spent my lunch hour muttering “I can’t fucking believe you bought that fucking phone!” whilst helping her bring it to the point where it could potentially make and receive calls.  I feel betrayed.  I expected better of my family.  Next thing I know, my dear old Dad will be calling me up wanting help with the same model, or worse.  At least I know the ins-and-outs of the thing.  And at least they won’t blame me for its quirks.

Still. 

At least I have solid proof, should I ever need it, that my bitching about this phone in my private life carries no weight with anyone whatsoever.  Even my own family doesn’t listen to me.  So the company needn’t worry about my impact upon its sales…

I Haz Been Betrayed

A Walk in the Volcanic Clouds

I won’t have the geology from our trip to Mount Rainier up for a while – I’m still trying to catch up on Oregon and Grand Coulee, not to mention Arizona (and it’s been over a year since that!).  Haven’t done the research and am still scratching me head over a lot of the things I saw.  But that doesn’t mean you don’t get to vacation vicariously with me. 

We came in on the Mather Memorial Parkway, which was named in honor of the first director of the National Park Service.  There’s a wonderful little pullout by the White River that claims to give even more wonderful views of Mount Rainier.  This might be true.  However, most of what we could see in the distance consisted of clouds and trees.  Well, there was the White River, too, and a lovely little cascade of a waterfall:



I believe that’s andesite it’s tumbling over, but don’t hold me to it.

We played about in the river bed for a bit, where I got some absolutely marvelous photos that will delightfully illustrate future missives on mudflows and glaciers.  For now, though, I’ll just present you with this outtake of a few brave purple flowers growing in the volcanic mud:



If you look, you’ll notice a few bloom pressed down in the mud.  Plunk some more sediment over them, give them a few million years, and we may very well have glorious fossilized flowers.  This is, after all, how fossils are born.

For most of the day, Mount Rainier played peek-a-boo.  Here, we found it peeking on the Glacier Basin Trail:



You know, until you’re up on its flanks, you don’t really understand just how gargantuan it is.  The thing’s 14,411 feet in elevation.  It’s enormous.  Lot of lava, pyroclastic flows, and other assorted stuff went in to making it.  You get a sense of its mass when you’re up there.  And yet, all that bulk was built up in a mere geologic eyeblink – its oldest lava flows are less than a million years old, and its current cone is only half a million years old.  It’s still just a baby.  Amazing how good Mother Earth can create something of such magnitude so rapidly – and tear it down almost as fast.

Mount Rainier wasn’t the only thing engaging in some hide-and-seek.  We came across a waterfall along the trail that flowed under a root system that had its own ecosystem growing up on it:



That, I have to tell you, is quite a sight to see when you’re from dry country, where the root systems don’t usually collect enough soil and other such things to allow plant growth right on top of them.  Not to mention, we don’t often get water flowing anywhere

When we found out the moraine trail had washed out and never been rebuilt, we turned back around and headed for the hot springs.  If we couldn’t get cold, we’d get hot, damn it!  And we did – the first I’ve ever seen:



Those mounds behind me are dripping warm water.  Beside the trail, there are tiny pools of it that feel like a tepid bath.  They’re host to big fuzzy slimy mats of bacteria, which I couldn’t resist touching.  They feel slightly gritty.  Strange and delightful.

Afterward, we were onward and upward, heading for Paradise.  We’d hoped to see the Nisqually Glacier, but the cloud ceiling had gotten terribly low, and so we had no chance.  But I did get to see what the trail looked like when it wasn’t several feet deep in snow, and the stairs they’ve put in are gorgeous:



I love the architect who designed these!

Now, I’ve grown used to verdant green (somewhat – I still feel as if I’m being smothered by over-enthusiastic trees in the springtime), but I’ve never seen anything quite so vivid as those high mountain meadows.  If you’ve never been to an alpine forest in a place with heavy precipitation, you don’t realize just how different it is from the ordinary run of things.  It’s hard to explain.  It’s a serene green, a green of deep and subtle contrasts, and it feels so quiet.  It somehow manages to seem young and very, very ancient at the same time.  There’s a sense that time here isn’t the same time we’re used to.  This is the time of mountains and forests, of wilderness and things that will never be tamed by mankind.  It’s kindly, tolerating our presence with an amiable cheer, and you get the sense of it unfolding to let you settle in beside it.  This springlike summer won’t last; soon, the snowfields will return, and everything will be sharp white and cold.  But for now, there are green growing things and fields of flowers painting the slopes under the mountain mists:



No wonder John Muir called it “the most extravagantly beautiful” garden he’d ever seen.  It truly is that.

We stopped at an overlook – Inspiration Point, I believe – that gazes down into the Paradise River valley, and found ourselves taunted by a Stellar’s Jay who finally posed prettily for a photo op:



We headed down to Reflection Lakes next, where it rained on us a bit (rain in Washington, astounding, right?).  We took shelter under the trees and spent some quality time with lovely little flowers that a sign had marked as snowdrops, but upon further reflection (ha ha I iz funny) I believe are actually avalanche lilies:



There was just something about these quiet little flowers basking in the rain that delights.  Alas, the last time I was up there, they were buried under several feet of snow still, so I’d had no idea they existed.

The rain slacked off by the time we reached a rather stunning stretch of road clinging to the cliffs.  There’s a pullout happily placed where rockhounds can go and play in the rocks, but it’s mostly there for the waterfall:



That is Martha Falls, and it drops 665 feet down Stevens Canyon, plunges into Unicorn Creek, and shall feature heavily in some geological stories when I’ve had the opportunity to tell them.  For now, though, just stand back and admire the vista, because that picture above is just a wee bit o’ Martha Falls:



Stevens Canyon is one among many places we could have lingered all day.  We spent close to an hour there, but I didn’t have my eyes on waterfalls most of the time.  No, I was busy on the other side of the road, exploring lava flows and what I’d swear is granite, and generally having the time of my young life playing with the rocks.  My intrepid companion was kind enough to take a group photo:



The only thing that tore me away from the rocks was a rainbow, which started out dim and shimmery but grand.  We’d missed our chance to photograph a rainbow earlier in the day, so this was redemption.  And as the sun dropped below the cloud ceiling, it got brighter and brighter and then became a double:



It’s faint, but you can see it.  And it is glorious.  I now have about 40,000 photos of rainbows, so if you ever need one, do let me know.

We finally tore ourselves away from Stevens Canyon because there was a raw nekkid tunnel through lava that we wanted to reach before the sun set.  We got there in time, got some phenomenal shots which I shall share with you when I’m babbling about lava and engineering one o’ these days.  We even took video so we could record the excellent echo.  I left my intrepid companion investigating that marvel, and walked through the tunnel to a pull-out by the Box Canyon of the Cowlitz to see what all the fuss was about.  We’d seen it earlier, and figured a crack in the ground wouldn’t be a show-stopper.

How very wrong we were:



Y’see, when you’re standing on the bridge looking down into that crack, you realize just how very deep it is – over 100 feet straight down.  And the rocks are polished a bright, shiny black from Muddy Fork of the Cowlitz River, which is carrying glacial sediments.  It comes very close to putting Arizona’s celebrated slot canyons to shame.  Then I meandered over to the informational sign, and discovered there’s a half-mile loop trail that takes you on a foot bridge right over the thing.  You can look down 115 feet and watch the water work its will:



This is where 10x optical zoom and a nifty Handheld Twilight mode really come in handy, because by then it was very nearly dark, and, as I’ve mentioned, we were 115 feet above the bottom of the canyon.  Magnificent!

But that’s not all!  See the rounded rock on the left?  That’s rock that’s been smoothed and scoured by a glacier, that is, and the trail takes you right past bare patches where you can see the scratches gouged in bedrock.  You can even touch it!  I’ve never seen glacial features like this before.  Kid in a candy store doesn’t even begin to describe my reaction.  And here I thought I wasn’t going to get anything good for my eventual post on glaciers!

The other side of the loop trail goes through forest, where the trees have taken back what the glacier took away.  We wandered through in the deep, sylvan twilight, and as it had just rained, the big leaves of the understory plants were coated in silvery drops that proved no problem for Handheld Twilight to capture:



Dang, I love this camera!

We crossed the road after to see the Wayside Exhibit, which after the Box Canyon we figured must be something important, although it was awfully quiet about what, exactly, it was exhibiting.  Turns out that what they’ve got there is another huge slab of glacier-polished rock, and this time no pesky stay-on-the-trail rules:



Actually, I’m lounging, but close enough:



Moments like this, my darlings, are why all the boring bits of life are worth the trouble. 

We watched a good part of the sun set over the Box Canyon of the Cowlitz, and figured this was the end of the adventure:



Light all gone.  Time to go home.  We got back in the car and drove down the mountain, until we glimpsed a flash of blazing red through the trees and realized the mountain was staging one final goodbye show.  One last stop, then.  You’ve already seen the results of that.

For a day that looked like it wasn’t going to return on the investment, it turned out to be a spectacular success.  An excellent prelude to the Olympics this coming Monday.  I hope you’ve enjoyed the trip, my darlings.  I wish I could have you here with me.  Oh, the places we would go!

A Walk in the Volcanic Clouds