Quantcast

«

»

May 23 2009

Torture Apologists on Parade: Flying Cow Edition

Unlike Sean Hannity, Mancow isn’t afraid to put his water where his mouth is. Alas, as he discovered, empirical evidence trumps ideology:

On his radio show this morning, “conservative libertarian” talker Eric “Mancow” Muller set out to prove that waterboarding isn’t torture by having himself waterboarded. But instead, after enduring “6 or 7 seconds” of the interrogation technique, Mancow admitted that it was “absolutely torture”:

Turns out the stunt wasn’t so funny. Witnesses said Muller thrashed on the table, and even instantly threw the toy cow he was holding as his emergency tool to signify when he wanted the experiment to stop. He only lasted 6 or 7 seconds.

“It is way worse than I thought it would be, and that’s no joke,”Mancow said, likening it to a time when he nearly drowned as a child. “It is such an odd feeling to have water poured down your nose with your head back…It was instantaneous…and I don’t want to say this: absolutely torture.

I wanted to prove it wasn’t torture,” Mancow said. “They cut off our heads, we put water on their face…I got voted to do this but I really thought ‘I’m going to laugh this off.’”

He stated that the sensation brought on by waterboarding was exactly the same as drowning. He should know – he drowned as a child. No wonder the cow went flying the second the water hit him.

Jury’s out on whether he goes back to trying to wish the truth away, but still, I respect him. He actually tested his beliefs. He admitted he was dead fucking wrong. And he didn’t use weasel words. He may not be able to make it thirty seconds under the waterboard, but he’s already kicked the collective asses of Hannity et al. Good on him.

Now we’ll see how long it takes before the Cons and their media darlings start scoffing at the whole thing. If you watch the video, it doesn’t look that bad – guy gets some water on the face, freaks out, turns pasty white and starts babbling “It’s torture! It’s torture!” The lack of screaming, blood and breaking bones deceive. That’s why people without the imagination to realize just what suffocating under a stream of water does to your mind and body need to undergo this themselves.

I’d like to request Lou Dobbs volunteer next:

Lou Dobbs calls out Chuck Schumer for his waffling on whether Americans would accept torture being used in the phony ticking time bomb scenario. He then asks his audience to participate in an on line poll and asks whether they would “personally employ torture to save American lives and prevent an attack on this country?” And surprise, surprise…the overwhelming answer is…YES! Looks like all that fear mongering is paying off well for you. What’s next Lou? You going to ask them if they’d like to shoot Mexicans to put an end to illegal immigration?

I’m tempted to head out to the streets with a board, a bucket of water, and a towel, and see just how many of my torture-loving fellow Americans are willing to enjoy some torture themselves. Even in Seattle, I’m likely to find a few fuckwits who are still under the illusion that 24 is a documentary and they’re so tough they could outlast Mancow.

Fuck. Let’s turn it into a reality show. And let’s take our buckets to Congress, where I’m sure we’ll find plenty of volunteers in the minority party, along with a select few in the majority.

What’s that? They all ran away? Gee, I’m shocked. After all, it’s just a little splash of water. Don’t they want to keep America safe?

(Tip o’ the shotglass to the folks I filched the images from. Please forgive my lack of Photoshop-fu – I did the best I could.)

1 comment

  1. 1
    george.w

    “They cut off our heads, we put water on their face…”They? Are we waterboarding the specific individuals who cut off that journalist’s head on video? Or just brown-skinned Muslims.

Comments have been disabled.