Recognizing that the teabagging movement will never be taken seriously unless they grow beyond their astroturf roots and into a tree of liberty and low taxes for all but mostly rich people, the Tea Party Patriots (not to be confused with the more religious-minded Glory Holier Than Thous) are taking great pains to shape their ragged army of home-schooling moms, Randians, Scientologists, Social Security-collecting seniors who don’t like that damn hippity-hoppy music, Amway distributors who are going to be totally fucking rich, Neo-Nazis, birthers, embittered divorced dads with big dreams that never panned out, social maladroits (aka engineers), law professors from Tennessee, Birchers, Paultards, and Libertarians (see: maladroits, social) into a Lean Mean Message Machine.
With this in mind, the Teabagging Patriots have acquired the services of “Media Relations Expert” Andrew Ian Dodge:
In an effort to assist the hundreds (if not thousands) of Tea Party Patriots who are now facing the media for the first time in their lives, we are pleased to announce that Andrew Ian Dodge has agreed to serve as a volunteer Media Training Coordinator for TPP. Andrew has already positively impacted many in the movement with his straight forward, hard hitting approach to media training.
As best I can tell, Mr. Dodge is a blogger (“bloggers who combine a taste for heavy metal music with a taste for heavy metal politics…”), an author (self-published), a rock star (more on that later) and a computer game reviewer.
TBogg has samples of his, ahem, “creative works.” I’m taking a biopsy of the tumor otherwise known as Andrew’s self-published book, and shall allow you to determine whether it’s benign or cancerous:
Andrew, for a change, was reading something entirely unrelated to his work. He was, as it were, reading for total pleasure for the first time in a very long time. He was reading a paperback copy of the latest from Tom Clancy. A book with not even a hint of the supernatural in it. It merely contained all sorts of rouges bent on destroying the United States and its allies.
TBogg has the rest of that passage (which, unbelievably, gets much worse). And a music video. I wish he’d provided complimentary brain bleach.
I’m left with just one question: do the Teabaggers seriously think this guy can help them?