David Sedaris Clarifies Things for Undecided Voters


David Sedaris marvels at the inanity of the undecided voters paraded around on teevee. The choices really are this stark:

I look at these people and can’t quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention?

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

I hope this concentrates the minds of anyone who either hasn’t chosen, or has opted for the merde avec verre cassé by mistake. Don’t be fooled by the pretty name: it’s still just shit with broken glass.

So is McCain.

Try the poulet a l’espoir de Obama instead. I hear it’s outstanding.