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Welcome to the Company! Here’s How We Plan to Fuck You Over

This cuts a little too close to the truth, but it’s still funny:

Let me just say a few words here. Corporations fear unions. I worked for a company that brought in union busters once: we didn’t unionize, and that company has now closed its doors, putting a lot of my friends out of a job.

The company I work for now does have a union, but one of our divisions that wasn’t unionized decided it didn’t need no stinkin’ union between it and the management. They were too valuable to screw over, they thought. I’m not sure what they’re thinking now, because that department got outsourced to India.

While companies make record profits on the backs of their workers, while CEOs get outrageous bonus packages, employees get… higher health care costs. Seriously. Right now, my union is working to ensure that we don’t get shafted on benefits next year. Without that union, we’d be looking at the following choices in benefit packages: expensive, hideously expensive, and fucking insanely expensive.

Companies like to scream about how unions kill their bottom line and make it impossible for them to be competitive and other such bullshit. That’s all it is – bullshit. What the company’s really saying is, they don’t want to have to pay their workers a dollar more and their CEOs a million dollars less.

So take a moment to sign this petition. Make it easier for workers to unionize. Make sure there’s someone there to help you stand up for your rights and share in the wealth you’re creating.