Month: September 2008

It's Like Watching a Train Wreck Caused by an Unhinged Pro-Wrestler with Circus Clowns as the Emergency Response

jacob2 Comments

I think that’s why Sarah Palin fascinates us so.

I’ve been deluged with Palin trivia for days. It’s annoying, yet strangely entertaining. If the McCain team, as they claim, “thoroughly vetted” Palin, it seems they were out to choose the most ridiculous vice president in the history of this country. They’ve succeeded.

This tops Dan Quayle,” widely lampooned in my friend’s little brother’s sixth grade reenactment of the vice presidential debates. He played Gore, and ended the debate with a devastating “Mr. Quayle, learn how to spell potato.” I can only imagine what Ashwin would be saying about Palin. He’s spoiled for attack lines.

Some highlights not previously mentioned in these pages:

1. Sarah Palin on the Pledge of Allegiance: “If it was good enough for the founding fathers, its good enough for me and I’ll fight in defense of our Pledge of Allegiance.”

You know, the fact that it was actually written in 1892 by a Socialist, not to mention that the phrase “Under God” didn’t get crowbarred in there until the 1950s, delights me almost as much as her abysmal grasp of history. Considering how much the Republicons hate Socialists, that’s just priceless.

2. Palin didn’t only defend corruption-plagued Sen. Ted Stevens, she was director of a 527 group called “Ted Stevens Excellence in Public Service, Inc.” The 527 was created by none other than Ted Stevens. Now, that’s good judgement of character!

3. Guess who wanted Alaska to secede from the Union? That’s right – Sarah Palin, who belonged to the Alaskan Independence Party before giving them the big fuck-you. I’m sure McCain will have fun trying to explain how someone who luuurrves America could join a party that puts Alaska before the country.

4. And, finally, no book is safe where Sarah Palin’s concerned:

Stein says that as mayor, Palin continued to inject religious beliefs into her policy at times. “She asked the library how she could go about banning books,” he says, because some voters thought they had inappropriate language in them. “The librarian was aghast.” The librarian, Mary Ellen Baker, couldn’t be reached for comment, but news reports from the time show that Palin had threatened to fire her for not giving “full support” to the mayor.

After the deluge of negatives, you may be wondering exactly why McCain chose Sarah Palin as his running mate. Dday has a pretty good idea:

It certainly doesn’t seem like it, given the stories that have emerged within the past 48-72 hours. But she most certainly was vetted, only not by the McCain campaign. She was vetted by the only group that matters – the super-secretive Council for National Policy.

The CNP deliberately operates below the radar, going to excessive lengths to obscure its activities. According to official CNP policy, “The media should not know when or where we meet or who takes part in our programs before or after a meeting.” Thus the CNP’s Minneapolis gathering was free of reporters. I only learned of the get-together through an online commentary by one of its attendees, top Dobson/Focus on the Family flack Tom Minnery.

Minnery described the mood as CNP members watched Palin accept her selection as John McCain’s Vice Presidential pick. “I was standing in the back of a ballroom filled with largely Republicans who were hoping against hope that something would put excitement back into this campaign,” Minnery said. “And I have to tell you, that speech by Alaska Governor Sarah Palin — people were on their seats applauding, cheering, yelling… That room in Minneapolis watching on the television screen was electrified. I have not seen anything like it in a long time.”

[snip]

That’s all this was about. Forget the press reports grasping at straws trying to figure out this pick, whether it represents a new reform message or was targeted to exurban voters. This was a wet kiss to the religious right.

[snip]

Oh, she was vetted all right. By the religious right. The question is whether or not Palin’s extreme, radical philosophy is distasteful to the wide swath of Americans. In a sane world, the support for creationism and questioning of man-made global warming and rejection of birth control would indeed be disqualifying.

…What this also means is that she was totally forced on John McCain, which must call into question his erratic, shoddy judgment, and his ability to carry out anything but the most extreme agenda.

McCain/Palin ’08: The Batshit Insane Ticket. Putting the Religious Right First.

Except when it’s Alaska.

And I think that says quite enough about their qualifications to lead this country. To wit: zilch.

It's Like Watching a Train Wreck Caused by an Unhinged Pro-Wrestler with Circus Clowns as the Emergency Response
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Happy Hour Discurso

jacob

Today’s opining on the public discourse.

Republicons party while Gulf Coast gets soaked:

John Dickerson had an item last night about the curtailed Republican National Convention, and the party’s efforts to scale back what was supposed to be quite a soiree. “The vast roster of fundraisers in town has been put to work raising money for the relief effort,” Slate’s Dickerson wrote. “The party atmosphere has been redirected.
The Distilled Spirits Council, aka the booze lobby, has turned its Monday party into a fundraiser for the Red Cross.”

It all sounds rather gracious, but to think Republicans have taken a completely sober attitude about events along the Gulf Coast seems to be a wild exaggeration.

As residents of New Orleans were fleeing Hurricane Gustav, top Republican party officials donned pink boas and swigged vodka shots at a wild whirl of corporate and lobbyist-paid parties this weekend in Minneapolis-St. Paul.

Many corporate sponsors and their lobbyists carried through with plans for lavish entertainment of GOP lawmakers and others despite calls from the campaign of Sen. John McCain that Republicans should tone down the convention festivities. […]

[L]ast night lobbyists for the National Rifle Association, Lockheed Martin and the American Trucking Association put on a raucus six-hour party at a downtown bar featuring music by the band “Hookers and Blow.” There was no evidence of any actual prostitutes or cocaine.


What a relief.

House Deputy Whip Bill Shuster (R-Penn.) said he was praying for the people of the Gulf coast, but saw no need to curtail corporate parties. Wisconsin delegate Jeff Larson agreed, telling ABC News, “Everyone goes through hard times.”

Lamest excuse to keep partying evah.

Speaking of lame, Karl Rove apparently didn’t get the cease-fire memo:

MINNEAPOLIS — Maine’s Republican delegation got a surprise visit from former White House political operative Karl Rove at its convention breakfast this morning.

During his speech, he talked up John McCain’s Republican presidential bid and criticized Democratic nominee Barack Obama for his inexperience.

When the topic of running mates came up, he referred to U.S. Sen. Joe Biden (D-Del.) as a “big, blowhard doofus.”

Everybody was supposed to lay off parties and personal attacks on the campaign trail today in light of Gustav. Once again, Dems play by the rules, Cons just play. Is anyone shocked? I’m having palpitations.

Speaking of palpitations, the media’s having some over Palin’s 17 year old daughter’s freshly-revealed pregnancy. There’s only one reason why this counts at all:

Now, there are different schools of thought on this, but I’m very much inclined to think a politician’s kids are entirely off-limits for public scrutiny. Bristol Palin’s pregnancy has no political relevance whatsoever.

I can’t help but notice, though, that the McCain campaign emphasized the fact that she “made the decision on her own to keep the baby.”

That’s nice, but if McCain has his way in office, the choice wouldn’t be up to her at all. Roe would be overturned, and reproductive rights would be dramatically curtailed for every woman in America. Indeed, it’s not just McCain — Sarah Palin told Alaskans during her gubernatorial campaign that she wouldn’t support abortion rights even if her own daughter had been raped. (Palin is also a staunch advocate of abstinence-only education.)

Excellent, and very valid, point. So, while I’ll run Mommy into the ground for being a lying, two-faced, creationist, dominionist sack of shit, best wishes and congratulations go out to her daughter, who’s going to discover very soon just what it means to be savaged by the media. Her pregnancy doesn’t matter. Her mother’s positions on social issues most certainly do.

And then there’s that corruption et all. You wait until I have time to give y’all an earful later tonight…

For now, must go back to celebrating Labor Day by laboring.

Happy Hour Discurso

Good Luck, Gulf Coast

jacob7 Comments

They’ve got this bearing down on them:

Hurricane Gustav, courtesy NOAA.gov

And they’re being protected by this:

Newspaper image courtesy MixedInk.com

Seriously:

“It blows my mind.”

Those are the words St. Bernard parish president Craig Taffaro used to watch videotape Eyewitness News showed him, of floodwalls built to protect his parish.

“That should be criminal,” Taffaro continues.

What he’s talking about was witnessed by a St. Bernard Parish resident who didn’t want to be identified, but did have sharp criticism of the work done by a contractor hired by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.

“It’s like putting a Band-Aid on the hole of a gas tank of an airplane,” the resident said.

Instead of an airplane, it’s a floodwall, and instead of a Band-Aid, the witness says two years ago, he saw the contractor filling the expansion joint or opening between the floodwalls with newspaper.

“The whole length of the wall was stuffed with newspaper.”

And when he confronted the contractor, the contractor blamed Washington for the substandard work.

“He basically told me when Congress sent down the money, it would be repaired the proper way.”

But during a recent trip to the area, two years later, it was apparent that didn’t happen. Much of the newspaper had deteriorated or been eaten by bugs, but some still remained. In fact WWL cameras even captured the date May 21, 2006, on a page of the Parade magazine from the Times-Picayune.

[snip]

But the Army Corps of Engineers says it is confident the floodwall will sufficiently defend residents of St. Bernard and the Ninth Ward.

“If you look at the repairs we made to the joints, there’s not really a safety issue with the joints at all,” said Kevin Wagner with the Army Corps of Engineers.

The Corps also says it’s satisfied with the quality of work done by its contractor. When asked by WWL if there was any shoddy work involved, Wagner said, “I don’t think so at all.”

Are you fucking kidding me?

Three years after Katrina, and the best the Bush regime can come up with to protect New Orleans is newspaper.

At this point, the residents might as well pray as they flee. An imaginary Sky Daddy is going to do them about as much good as their own fucking government.

No wonder Chertoff was saying this the other day:

In a press conference yesterday, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff told residents, “Don’t try to rely upon the fact that the levees are stronger than they were in Katrina to assume that that’s going to necessarily protect you from harm.”

He thinks newspaper-filled levees are stronger. I think my brain just exploded.

And McCain’s playing the McLargeHuge hero by imposing himself on the Gulf Coast at the time when they can least afford distractions, and pretending he weally weally cares about New Orleans.

He has a funny way of showing it. This is McCain in April of this year:

He also told reporters he was not sure if he would rebuild the lower 9th ward as president. “That is why we need to go back is to have a conversation about what to do -rebuild it, tear it down, you know, whatever it is,” he said.

Good luck, Gulf Coast. With friends like these and a monstrous storm on the way, you need all the luck you can get.

(Tip o’ the shotglass to Sadly, No!)

Good Luck, Gulf Coast

All You Need to Know About McCain in One Simple Poem

jacob

I’ve been wracking my brain trying to come up with some clever, pithy little soundbites with which to poke fun at McCain’s spectacular confusions.

Thanks to Michael D., I can stop now:

Prof. McCain
Iraq is to Pakistan’s rear,
While Czechoslovakia’s here.
Sunnis are Shi’a,
Sudan is Somalia,
and Putin’s the German premier.

Says it all, dunnit? This needs to go viral, my darlings.

All You Need to Know About McCain in One Simple Poem

My Perfect Band

jacob1 Comment

So, in a fit of writer’s-blocked frustration, I started pulling quotes from some of my new CDs. This was the first time I’d listened to Epica’s The Phantom Agony from beginning to end, and really paid attention to the words.

I’d caught on from songs like “Facade of Reality” that they weren’t too happy with extremism. But that didn’t prepare me for the fact they’re the perfect band for this atheist.

They’re symphonic heavy metal.

They have a fabulous female vocalist.

They have the death-growling male counterpoint.

They fuse metal with operatic elements in a phenomenal way.

Now, usually, bands with all of the above elements rely very heavily on the pagan themes. Which is fantastic for an SF author. But Epica relies on… reality. They make reality itself epic.

That’s just fucking outstanding.

Further proof you really can have the ethereal without the religious woo. You can have transcendence without ever leaving the comfort of actual reality.

At least on this album. I’m not even sure they’re atheists, agnostic, or anything: all I know is they’ve created the perfect atheist album for this girl, and the perfect atheists’ anthem in “Cry for the Moon.”

And that makes me a happy atheist indeed.

Cry For The Moon “The Embrace That Smothers – Part IV”

Follow your common sense
You cannot hide yourself behind a fairytale forever and ever
Only by revealing the hole truth can we disclose
The soul of this sick bulwark forever and ever
Forever and ever

Indoctrinated minds so very often
Contain sick thoughts
And commit most of the evil they preach against

Don’t try to convince me with messages from God
You accuse us of sins committed by yourselves
It’s easy to condemn without looking in the mirror
Behind the scenes opens reality

Eternal silence cries out for justice
Forgiveness is not for sale
Nor is the will to forget

Virginity has been stolen at very young ages
And the extinguisher loses it’s immunity
Morbid abuse of power in the garden of Eden
Where the apple gets a youthful face

You can’t go on hiding yourself
Behind old fashioned fairytales
And keep washing your hands in innocence

My Perfect Band