From the annals of totally useless but thoroughly entertaining news comes this recent study:
Partying Republicans in Washington will have to step it up after a recent survey of D.C.-area bartenders praised Democrats as being better tippers and talkers than their GOP counterparts.
The survey of 100 D.C.-area bartenders, conducted by Clarus Research Group for Beam Global Spirits & Wine, cast Democrats as more favorable bar patrons, as bartenders said they were better tippers, have better pick-up lines and were better at giving toasts.
Oh, hell yes. That’s my Dems. Better in every way, baby!
Snivelling Republicon spokesmen are casting aspersions on the survey, but the results are ironclad:
Brynna McCosker, the director of operations for Clarus, said the firm had tried to reduce sampling bias by surveying bartenders in parts of Washington seen as Republican strongholds, as well as Democratic hotspots.
Spin that, suckahs!
And lest you think this survey doesn’t reflect political realities, consider this bit o’ truthiness:
“Republicans seem to care little about America’s tomorrow,” quipped another Democratic staffer. “Between mixed drinks, body shots and pitchers of beer, Democrats seem to care little about their tomorrow morning.”
Truer words have never been spoken.
This survey is useful for another reason. Should I ever turn this virtual cantina into a brick, mortar and bottle one, I’ll know to charge Republicons a gratuity.
Drinks are free for Firedoglake denizens, who brought this very important survey to my attention, and available at a steep discount for Dems, who’ll make it up in the tips and the talk. And for you, my darlings, as always, drinks are on the house.