Fischer Blames Ray Rice Beating on ‘Premarital Cohabitation’

Apparently jealous of so many of his fellow wingnuts who have said staggeringly stupid and offensive things about Ray Rice knocking out his then-fiance, Bryan Fischer on Friday pulled himself up by his bootstraps and got himself back in the game by declaring that the reason it happened was because they were living together before marriage, as the Bible forbids.
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Wingnut on Wingnut Crime: Bryan Fischer vs AFA Attorney

The American Family Association seems to be having a bit of trouble deciding which side it’s on in the battle over forcing members of the military to swear an oath “so help me God.” Bryan Fischer, the “director of issues analysis” says that atheists should be banned from the military and all soldiers should be forced to swear such an oath. The group’s chief counsel, Patrick Vaughn, rightly points out that this is unconstitutional:
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Fischer: NFL Discriminates Against Straight Players

In the world that Bryan Fischer thinks he lives in, a world in which up is down, black is white and Obama is a Muslim communist, apparently it’s straight people that are being terribly discriminated against in the NFL because the Dallas Cowboys signed the only openly gay player in professional football to their practice squad.
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News Flash: Bryan Fischer Isn’t Very Bright

Unless you live in a cave or just completely ignore sports, you probably know by now that Michael Sam was cut by the St. Louis Rams and did not make their final roster. Bryan Fischer falsely declares that the “entire NFL refuses to do business” with him (not true, he was signed by the Dallas Cowboys) and then babbles stupidly about discrimination.
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Bryan Fischer: Bigot Supergenius

The National Institutes of Health is doing a study on the question of why lesbians have higher rates of obesity and that triggered a brilliant idea in the fever swamp inside Bryan Fischer’s head. Michelle Obama wants to fight obesity, so she should start a campaign to get lesbians to become straight and then they won’t be obese anymore.
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Fischer: Jesus is the Strong Nuclear Force

There are few things more ridiculous than when ignorant fundamentalists start blabbering about science when they know absolutely nothing about it. Bryan Fischer provided a perfect demonstration of this on his radio show last week when he declared that scientists have no idea what holds the universe or atoms together and he has the answer: It’s Jesus.
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Fischer: Robin Williams Possessed by Demons

And we have yet another fundie moron declaring that Robin Williams was possessed by demons. I’m sure it will come as no surprise that the fundie moron in question is Bryan Fischer, who is kind of the king of fundie morons at this point. If I had Gordon Klingenschmitt’s ability to identify demons, I might think Fischer was possessed by a demon of stupidity.
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Fischer: Being a Christian is the Essence of Patriotism

Christian fundamentalists love to quote verses from the Bible saying that God will bless a nation that follows his commands. Bryan Fischer is the latest to do so. In fact, he says that the single best way to be patriotic is to be a Christian and pray to him a lot because that will make him really nice to us.
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Fischer: God Will Use ISIS to Punish America for The Gay

Another day, another unbelievably stupid pronouncement from Bryan Fischer. This time it’s the old “we’re so immoral that God is justified in destroying us” combined with “and he’s going to use Muslims to do it.” That he is actually agreeing with those Muslims about both America’s immorality (because of The Gay, of course) and about God’s desire for retribution never seems to occur to him.
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Fischer: God Hates Looking at Gay Sex

Bryan Fischer says that God is so disgusted by gay sex that it “causes him to recoil,” just like he thinks all human beings do. But you really have to feel sorry for God if he doesn’t like gay sex because, being omnipresent, he has to watch it all the time. Apparently he isn’t nearly as disgusted by, oh I don’t know, people killing and raping one another.
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Fischer: Michael Brown Was ‘Hyped Up on Marijuana’

From the Department of Utter Cluelessness: Bryan Fischer says it’s perfectly understandable that the police officer shot Michael Brown 6 times because Brown had marijuana in his system, so he was “hyped up” on it and probably looking to kill someone. Because that’s totally what pot does to you.
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