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Jul 14 2014

Enlow: God is Taking Over Hollywood

Johnny Enlow is one of the founders of Seven Mountains Domionism and a self-declared “prophet” (who tells others that they need to pretend not to be dominionists). His latest “prophecy,” which quotes God directly, is that God is taking over Hollywood once and for all.

For the Lord says, “I am already invading Hollywood far beyond what you can imagine. I am already loosening up the ground and preparing to uproot systems and structures that you think are just the rules of the game that you must play. I am even already beginning to put in My new structures.”

The Lord says, “Get this: In the coming days, here are the rules of the game for advancing in Hollywood: Fear Me most, love Me most, trust in Me most, look to Me most – for I am the ultimate game changer in Hollywood, and I have come to change the game. And I truly am looking for those who call themselves after My name, who have not sold out to the Hollywood way of doing things.

“For I am going to raise up an army of My Josephs in Hollywood, and they will be as Joseph in Old Testament times who prospered in everything He did – because the Lord was with him.

“The enemy cannot throw up enough roadblocks to counter this factor. If I am with you, Red Seas part. If I am with you, enemy armies are covered by that sea. If I am with you, the Jordan River also parts.

“If I am with you, impenetrable walls fall down. If I am with you, the enemy runs when no one chases. If I am with you, giants are bread for you. If I am with you, you don’t need to morally compromise in order to not be blackballed. If I am with you, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE…”

It goes on like that for quite some time. You know what it reminds me of? It reminds me of A Cloud of Witnesses, the document put out by the Unification Church, which quotes every major religious leader in world history, including Jesus and Muhammad, and God himself declaring fascist cult leader Rev. Moon the true messiah. It’s really easy to “quote” someone when you’re the only one who can allegedly hear them speak.

52 comments

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  1. 1
    donnas

    Oh yeah, he’s really taking over Hollywood with movies like God is Not Dead and Persecuted. These movies just make for drinking games.

  2. 2
    dugglebogey

    He would get more followers if it were the Church of the Seven Mountain Dews.

  3. 3
    davefitz

    The Lord actually said, “Get this…”? Quite a departure from them Old Testament days.

  4. 4
    davefitz

    Man, movies are REALLY going to suck now. And clearly the Lord is not a Republican. Because once Hollywood starts losing box office, they will lose plenty of jobs, too. Thanks, Obama!

  5. 5
    richardelguru

    Well the LOORD GOORD said to me that there will be more zombie movies coming out of Hollywood, so who you gonna believe?

  6. 6
    vereverum

    He doesn’t speak in Elizabethan English which would indicate he is not a real prophet.

  7. 7
    Area Man

    “Get this: In the coming days, here are the rules of the game for advancing in Hollywood: Fear Me most, love Me most, trust in Me most, look to Me most – for I am the ultimate game changer in Hollywood, and I have come to change the game.”

    I wish God would stop quoting James Cameron.

  8. 8
    Martin Wagner

    Hollywood is making Christian themed movies for one reason: they’re making money. If they weren’t making money, they wouldn’t be doing them. The minute they stop making money, they’ll stop and move onto the next thing. Christianity hasn’t changed the game, it’s simply been playing the same one, the same way.

  9. 9
    Akira MacKenzie

    Since when has Hollywood ever NOT pandered to theism and religion. Sure, it doesn’t represent the right-wing Jesus-freakery idiots like Enlow follow, but the movie industry isn’t exactly a cheerleader for atheism.

  10. 10
    Johnny Vector

    I am already loosening up the ground and preparing to uproot systems and structures

    (this is the lord talking, here).

    Systems and structures? Systems and structures? Whatever happened to principalities and powers? Dammit, God, I WANT MY PRINCIPALITIES!

    If I were Liechtenstein, I’d sue.

  11. 11
    Doug Little

    I had no idea that God’s words would read like a 12 year old wrote them.

  12. 12
    Shatterface

    You are only as good as your last movie and God hasn’t made a good movie since The Exorcist

  13. 13
    Pierce R. Butler

    Doesn’t that count as taking a certain sacrosanct Name in vain?

    Ma, fetch my throwin’ stones!

  14. 14
    D. C. Sessions

    So, given a fairly short time (after all, how hard can this trick be for the One Who created the Universe in six days), whatever we see coming from Hollywood will have the Total Absolute Stamp of Divine Approval?

    Oh, well. We know that the audience for this stuff has an attention span that makes a fruit fly seem like an Arisian.

  15. 15
    busterggi

    “Fear Me most, love Me most”

    Aw nuts, god’s been drinking again.

  16. 16
    lorn

    If Godly movies are God’s work one has to ask: Why are all the God themed or religiously motivated movies so awful?

    In the last twenty years or so all the scripts are hackneyed crap, the acting is wooden and lifeless, the stories are all entirely predictable and unoriginal, and the final straw is that while adding a little gratuitous nudity or sex might at least get people talking about your average underachieving film, even those small graces are denied the makers of religiously motivated films.

  17. 17
    dhall

    “I am even already beginning to put in My new structures.” Clearly, God needs some help with grammar.

  18. 18
    Larry

    I wish God would stop quoting James Cameron.

    Q: What’s the difference between god and James Cameron?
    A: God doesn’t think he’s James Cameron.

  19. 19
    Moggie

    Good news for Stephen Baldwin’s career, I suppose.

  20. 20
    Doug Little

    Moggie wins the thread.

  21. 21
    Modusoperandi

    Finally! Too few movies tell me how evil and closed minded I am, and shame me for all the sex I am apparently having.

     
    Doug Little “Moggie wins the thread.”
    Also, two free tickets to the Stephen Baldwin/Kirk Cameron buddy movie, whatever it turns out to be called or about.*

     
    Stephen Baldwin/Kirk Cameron buddy movie tagline: “Whatever it turns out to be called or about, we lose.”

  22. 22
    Kevin Kehres

    I really do think it’s a shame that one will be referred for appropriate counseling and medication when one hears voices in one’s head — except if that voice claims to be ‘god’.

    I think it’s likely this guy has auditory hallucinations of the paranoid schizophrenic type — but because he claims they’re from ‘god’ and not “Napoleon”, everyone’s fine with that. Not only that — some people will actually believe him!

    A whopping big dose of Seroquel is what he needs. And if not, a big whopping dose of “who the frack cares”.

    Here endeth my armchair diagnosis.

  23. 23
    Doug Little

    I think it’s likely this guy has auditory hallucinations of the paranoid schizophrenic type

    I think this guy doesn’t hears anything of the sort. He’s just on the bilk the gullible punters bandwagon.

  24. 24
    hexidecima

    “Fear Me most, love Me most, trust in Me most, look to Me most ”

    ah, so god is still a abusive jackass as usual.

  25. 25
    timgueguen

    Akira Mackenzie wrote:
    Since when has Hollywood ever NOT pandered to theism and religion. Sure, it doesn’t represent the right-wing Jesus-freakery idiots like Enlow follow, but the movie industry isn’t exactly a cheerleader for atheism.

    Indeed. Hollywood often seems as fond of the “You’re only an atheist because you’re mad at God!” idea as fundies are, and in general treat non-believers, no matter what the context, as weirdos and/or creeps.

  26. 26
    Moon Jaguar

    “Fear Me most, love Me most…”

    Death Cab for Cutie gets it.

    In Catholic school, vicious as Roman rule
    I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
    And I held my tongue as she told me, “son,
    fear is the heart of love.”
    So I never went back

  27. 27
    illdoittomorrow

    Moggie wins the thread, and Modus promptly meta-wins it.

    What the hell can one give him for that?

  28. 28
    moarscienceplz

    Moggie wins the thread, and Modus promptly meta-wins it.

    What the hell can one give him for that?

    Meta-Mucil?

  29. 29
    aaronbaker

    For the Lord says, “I am already invading Hollywood far beyond what you can imagine. I am already loosening up the ground and preparing to uproot systems and structures that you think are just the rules of the game that you must play. I am even already beginning to put in My new structures.”

    The Lord says, “Get this . . . .

    He was so much more eloquent in the King James Version.

  30. 30
    vmanis1

    If God really ran Hollywood, there would be no more Transformers movies.

  31. 31
    peterh

    “…God hasn’t made a good movie since The Exorcist.”

    That’s not setting the bar very high.

  32. 32
    Wes Aaron

    Invading Hollywood? Wait I though he was omnipresent. How does that work?

    Noah movie every Christian seemed to be complaining that he was a drunk, and never referred specifically to their god. Well except for when the child specified but even that wasn’t enough. Oh and the fact that he was a little crazy. When 600 years you be, not so well you act either. Now they need to do the story of Sodom and Gomorrah and don’t forget about Lot knowing his daughters in a biblical sense, but of course we also can’t forget he offered them to be raped by the people. Yeah I am pretty sure they’ll say that wasn’t in the bible either.

  33. 33
    John Pieret

    If God really ran Hollywood, there would be no more Transformers movies.

    If God really ran Hollywood and loved us, there’d have been no Star Wars movies after The Return of the Jedi.

  34. 34
    democommie

    “God is taking over Hollywood once and for all.”

    Does that include North Hollywood? If so Ron Jeremy and a bunch of other “auteurs” will be upset.

  35. 35
    enki23

    It’s Xenu, isn’t it. The God is Xenu. He’s coming back, and he’s bringing lots of volcanoes.

  36. 36
    anubisprime

    When the chronically dumb pretend to relate messages from some random brain farts they get caught b’twixt ‘n’ b’tween.

    On one hand they must craft their msg* in a language format the gullible can parse and on the other they must impress the fatuous so they effect a kind of old testament mish mash and because they are not gifted enough in literacy or indeed word construction they adulterate it with with street slang, they are not gifted enough to even get that right.

    It would be funny if it were not for the jeebus legions making the sheep noises in response.

    ‘Get this’ ….indeed …what a hoot!

    Fucking ‘get this’ you pathetic dullard…’Piss off’ with ya bollix!’

  37. 37
    dingojack

    Wait now. This dullard ‘crafted’ Monosodium Glutamate?!?
    ;) Dingo

  38. 38
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    And thus begins the 7 years of Tribulations where the Lord does battle with the MPAA.

  39. 39
    ospalh

    If I am with you, the enemy runs when no one chases.

    God seems to be getting lazy. Which is a shame, I thought we could get at least a good Hollywood vs. god chase scene out of this.

  40. 40
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    God is taking over Hollywood?

    Huh. Odd.

    It doesn’t seem to show in the quality of the “blockbusters” being produced.

  41. 41
    caseloweraz

    StevoR: It doesn’t seem to show in the quality of the “blockbusters” being produced.

    Wait a minute — was God responsible for Prometheus?

    That sneaky devil! (Figuratively speaking…)

  42. 42
    D. C. Sessions

    Well, Marvel might want to hedge its investment in Thor.

  43. 43
    Synfandel

    For I am going to raise up an army of My Josephs in Hollywood, and they will be as Joseph in Old Testament times who prospered in everything He did – because the Lord was with him.

    What did Joseph ever do other than be cuckolded by God?

  44. 44
    dingojack

    God gonna take over Hollywood…. on the same time-scale as his ‘second coming’ project*….
    Dingo
    ——-
    * waaaay over time and the budget is completely shot. My guess is that god will bomb in Hollywood

  45. 45
    abb3w

    Another instance where the message seem likely semantic-free carrier wave for phatic signalling.

  46. 46
    a miasma of incandescent plasma

    So let me understand God’s productivity standards:

    Create the universe = 1 day
    Create the Earth, Moon, and oceans = 1 day
    Create the animals = 1 day
    Create a slight culture change in one city = whoa! give me several days/weeks/months/years/look-I’ll-get-to-it-when-I-get-to-it-ok-back-off!”

  47. 47
    a miasma of incandescent plasma

    God said –

    “If I am with you, impenetrable walls fall down. If I am with you, the enemy runs when no one chases. If I am with you, giants are bread for you. If I am with you, you don’t need to morally compromise in order to not be blackballed. If I am with you, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE…”

    Notice he didn’t say anything about iron chariots?!

  48. 48
    Wes Aaron

    The reason why he doesn’t mention iron chariots is simple.

    “And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron.”
    — Judges 1:19

  49. 49
    martinc

    And Charlton Heston cried out: “Lord, my career is at a crossroads. What role should I try out for next?”

    And God answered: “If I am with you, Red Seas part.”

  50. 50
    Moggie

    If I am with you, giants are bread for you.

    What if you are gluten-intolerant?

  51. 51
    democommie

    “And God answered: “If I am with you, Red Seas part.”

    Except in the early 1950′s; then it was “The sea of REDS don’t get parts, or directing or writing credits/work.”.

    “What if you are gluten-intolerant?”

    Then you have to ask for the triticale, amaranth and spelt Giants.

    If you’re vegan, then, “you’re shit-out-of-luck” as my dear mom used to say.

  52. 52
    dingojack

    ‘giants’ spelt G-I-A-N-T-S.
    :) Dingo

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