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Jul 09 2014

Calabrese Obsessed With Gay Sex

Dan Calabrese, the editor of Herman Cain’s website, is, like nearly all anti-gay bigots, absolutely obsessed with gay sex. He heard that a Burger King in San Francisco was wrapping Whoppers in rainbow-colored paper for that city’s pride event and this was his predictable response:

Sigh. I can tell you for sure that when I get ready to consume my lunch, the thing I want to be thinking about is dude-on-dude action.

Hold the pickles

Hold the lettuce

Lunch and gay sex can’t upset us!

Like most bigots, he simply cannot think about gay people at all, even for a millisecond, without thinking about gay sex. He thinks about gay sex more than any gay person I know. Because gay people aren’t people at all to them, they’re just a penis in a rectum. That’s the only thing they can bring themselves to think about at all when the subject comes up.

You tell me not to judge you for what you do that is in blatant rebellion against the Word of God. OK. You tell me not to be a hater and not to obsess over certain sins when others are just as troubling to God. Fair enough.

But I don’t remember the last time adulterers, murderers or drunk drivers convinced a burger chain to name a product after them, and publicly declared their pride in what they do. You’re the ones who are making it an issue, not me.

See what I mean? A gay person is just like a murderer to them. Not a human being whose actions harm no one and therefore should be none of their concern at all, but the most evil thing imaginable. This is some seriously twisted shit.

24 comments

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  1. 1
    billdaniels

    I don’t know but I get a huge stiffie whenever I see a rainbow.

  2. 2
    tubi

    I can’t remember the last time adulterers, murderers, and drunk drivers just went about their lives without causing harm to others. Why is that so fucking hard to understand?

  3. 3
    eric

    But I don’t remember the last time adulterers, murderers or drunk drivers convinced a burger chain to name a product after them

    Not that I agree with the comparison, but if you’re going to make it, you should check beforehand on whether any sandwich shops have created a “The Kennedy” or “The Clinton” sandwich. Because I’m pretty sure you’re wrong, and one could find those if one tried.

  4. 4
    Doug Little

    You should read some of the comments there. Enough hate to last a lifetime.

  5. 5
    Pierce R. Butler

    Hold the pickles

    Hold the lettuce

    Lunch and gay sex can’t upset us!

    I can’t wait to see the clouds of ink from The Digital Cuttlefish in response to such trespassing on his domain.

  6. 6
    Modusoperandi

    Like most bigots, he simply cannot think about gay people at all, even for a millisecond, without thinking about gay sex.

    HOW CAN YOU NOT?!!! ITS A HOT THICK SLAB OF MEAT IN BETWEEN TWO BUNS!!!

  7. 7
    culuriel

    Has anyone noticed how conservatives flip between thinking that a private business using a symbol for gay rights is definitely shoving an agenda down their throats, but a government opening official town meetings with prayer is just self/communal expression?

  8. 8
    Samuel Vimes

    If this isn’t the article to reference the following comic, then I don’t know what is…

    http://amultiverse.com/comic/2014/01/08/gayburgers/

  9. 9
    Matt G

    What I don’t get is how THEY don’t get that this is a losing issue for them. Keep going, idiots! You are on the wrong side of history.

  10. 10
    colnago80

    Re eric @ #3

    Not to forget Dubya who was actually convicted of DUI.

  11. 11
    cptdoom

    But I don’t remember the last time adulterers, murderers or drunk drivers…publicly declared their pride in what they do.

    Really, because I’m pretty sure Newt Gingrich, Mark Sanford, John McCain, etc. are acting ashamed of basing their most important personal relationship on a foundation of adultery. In fact, I’m pretty sure there are hundreds of adulterous couples publicly declaring their pride – or at least their marriage vows – every single Saturday in churches throughout this land.

  12. 12
    cptdoom

    Damn – “aren’t acting ashamed”

  13. 13
    Joe Mama

    But I don’t remember the last time adulterers, murderers or drunk drivers convinced a burger chain to name a product after them, and publicly declared their pride in what they do.

    I don’t know of any, but I’m pretty sure I could find a shrimp festival somewhere in the country. Why aren’t Christians all upset about that? Why don’t they ever protest outside Red Lobster?

    You’re the ones who are making it an issue, not me.

    Yeah, right. It’s never the right wing Christian conservatives making homosexuality an issue.

  14. 14
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    I guess he’s the sort of person that sexually suggestive advertising works on. Everything is always about sex. He probably dreams while driving about the model in the commercial for the vehicle he bought for the life of his car.

    [Left turn (penis in), drive 300 feet (penis out), stop at light (penis in)...]

    So if it’s a gay burger, of course he’s thinking about guys and penises, since this is the only thing he knows. He’s probably so flustered, he doesn’t know if the burger is supposed to go into his mouth, or into his pants. To avoid embarrassment, he avoids Burger Monarch. Then he has to yell about it, because he needs to do something about that internal embarrassment.

  15. 15
    dugglebogey

    I had no idea gay people were having sex just as a protest against “THE WORD OF GOD.”

    But those religious assholes who hate contraception and any sex that isn’t purely for procreation either.

    So isn’t almost ALL sex really just a protest against “THE WORD OF GOD?”

    Or maybe we do it BECAUSE IT FUCKING FEELS GOOD YOU RETARDS.

  16. 16
    Robin Pilger

    If he doesn’t want to be reminded of dude-on-dude action, maybe he should eat at a taco stand.

  17. 17
    forestdragon

    Oh ffs. [headdesk] Once again, it’s ‘dude-on-dude.’ Seriously, these guys don’t think gay women exist. Or if they do exist at all, it’s only in some guy’s ‘can I cut in’ fantasy (no, dude, lesbians are not interested in you. At all.).
    But the weird part is, it seems like women objecting to gay people are always trotting out the ‘dude-on-dude’ thing, too. Can anyone tell me just wtf is up with that? I am very confused.

  18. 18
    Michael Brew

    Damn, forestdragon ninja’d me after I went to all the trouble of doing a mobile login to mention the exact same thing. Oh, well. Yeah, it seems like gay men are the only thing they really object to. Even when they’re trying to blanket argue about gay people being at a higher risk for HIV, they conveniently forget that it’s the opposite for lesbian women. Even in the Bible woman-on-woman action isn’t mentioned negatively until the end, and even then it isn’t really clear how strongly they’re condemning it. I mean, it seems to be a general “sinful things will happen,” but maybe it’s actually a description of the perks.

  19. 19
    forestdragon

    Geez, I swear to FSM, that these guys think more about gay sex than gay people do.
    Tell me, is it true that most of these dudes are actually closet cases?

  20. 20
    Trebuchet

    @17 & 18: Not only that, but it’s always about anal. Which, as I understand it, isn’t particularly prevalent among gay men. (Citation needed, please correct if necessary.) Given the relatively small population of gay men, I wonder if there aren’t just as many straight women doing anal and fellatio as gay men. Almost certainly more of the latter, I’d bet.

  21. 21
    dingojack

    But I don’t remember the last time adulterers, murderers or drunk drivers convinced a burger chain to name a product after them… ”

    Ah Dan, you forget Burger King’s short lived Adolf Hitler, Pol Pot and Joe Stalin Burgers… never sold at lot of them for some reason. Must have been the advertising.

    Dingo
    ——–
    With arguments this idiotic, mockery is the only real response.

  22. 22
    lofgren

    Can anyone tell me just wtf is up with that? I am very confused.

    Non-serious response: Gay men are irretrievably evil, sick, and perverted. They are Satan’s handmaidens. Lesbians just need a good deep dicking and they’ll be instantly cured.

    Serious response: In a hierarchical, patriarchal worldview, women aspiring to be like men is comprehensible. While an affront to the proper order, it still affirms that order and the implicit assumption of male superiority.

    However, men behaving like women is utterly irreconcilable with the patriarchal worldview. Women are below men in status, so men should not admire or seek to emulate women in any way. That is a heresy and must be dismissed as the product of a diseased, possessed, or in some other fashion perverted mind.

    As an analogy, which do you think the slavemaster fears more: the slave who wants to be slavemaster, or the slave who wants to abolish slavery?

    And yes I realize that gay men and gay women do not actually want to be or emulate the opposite sex. This is the hierarchical worldview, remember. All things have their place. There are only boys and girls, and boys are boys and girls are girls.

  23. 23
    Forbidden Snowflake

    I thought he inadvertently made a good point, though:

    You tell me not to judge you for what you do that is in blatant rebellion against the Word of God. OK. You tell me not to be a hater and not to obsess over certain sins when others are just as troubling to God. Fair enough.

    But I don’t remember the last time adulterers, murderers or drunk drivers convinced a burger chain to name a product after them, and publicly declared their pride in what they do. You’re the ones who are making it an issue, not me.

    The “don’t judge gay people, because everyone’s a sinner” line of propaganda does have a weakness, and it’s exactly the one he says. A believer who accepts that something is a sin should try to eliminate the sin, even if she accepts that she can’t eliminate them all. The problem starts with buying the idea that gay=sin in the first place, not with its misapplication.

  24. 24
    Curt Cameron

    I can tell you for sure that when I get ready to consume my lunch, the thing I want to be thinking about is dude-on-dude action.

    I know, right? One time I went into a business and there was a guy in a wheelchair working there. It disgusts me so much to think of this guy having sex with his wife, that I don’t think anyone should do business with them.

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