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May 23 2014

Jacobs Brings the Fear of God to Maryland

Christian fraud Cindy Jacobs took time off from her busy schedule of dishing up meals from her bottomless bowl of spaghetti to travel to Maryland, where she brought a message from God that he was going to soon expose corruption in that fair state.

“And the Lord says I am getting ready to begin to do my own exposé, says God,” proclaimed Jacobs. “I’m going to begin to uncover in different layers of the government some money laundering. I’m getting ready to expose corruption. I’m getting ready to do my own exposé.”

“And the Lord says,” Jacobs continued, “I am coming to put the fear of the Lord into Maryland.”

I’d say they really should have the fear of con artists like Jacobs.

17 comments

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  1. 1
    timgueguen

    Funny how God seems to be so bad at multitasking for a supposedly omnipotent being. Shouldn’t God be able to deal with all evil at the same time, instead of randomly picking some evil to deal with at a randomly chosen time?

  2. 2
    dhall

    “And the Lord says I am getting ready to begin to do my own exposé, says God . . .”

    So, they’re not one and the same. Jacobs is telling us what God is telling her that the Lord says. Hm. “Do my own exposé” doesn’t sound like very deity-like language either. Maybe a false deity is talking to her.

  3. 3
    elpayaso

    maybe she’s actually been channeling James o’keefe and thinkin it was Yowie??

  4. 4
    karmacat

    Does she do this in every state? Or is Maryland extra special?

  5. 5
    grumpyoldfart

    I have to laugh at the mugs in the pews. They shut their eyes, look down at the floor, raise their hands in the air, and seem to assume that nothing else is required. All of Maryland’s problem will soon disappear because they said “Amen” when the preacher stopped screaming at them.

    What did Jesus say in Matthew 18:3? Something about adults having to act like children before they can get into heaven? Looks like the screamer’s parishioners take that advice fairly seriously.

  6. 6
    waldteufel

    Even more disturbing than the finger waving, ranting bitch on stage are the rows of pig-ignorant drooling doofuses in her audience.

  7. 7
    aaronbaker

    “I’m getting ready to expose corruption. I’m getting ready to do my own exposé.”

    I can’t wait for His tell-all memoir.

  8. 8
    Moggie

    “She’s a grifter. He’s a god. Together, they fight crime!”

  9. 9
    eoraptor

    Gotta say, given that it’s Maryland, home of Spiro Agnew and several others of his ilk, her predictions are sort of like predicting a hot day in August in Las Vegas, NV. As in, “Ya think?”

  10. 10
    busterggi

    Fear god because he’s all-loving doncha know?

  11. 11
    Trebuchet

    I feel sorry for anyone with the Fear of Cod. Fish ‘n Chips is yummy.

  12. 12
    dan4

    Uh, I thought Christians were supposed to be AGAINST fortune-telling? How is what Jacobs doing here any different from that?

  13. 13
    Reginald Selkirk

    Off-topic: Robert Gates: Butter my bread on both sides, please

    DALLAS — Robert Gates, the new president of the Boy Scouts of America, said Friday that he would have moved last year to allow openly gay adults in the organization but said he opposes any further attempts to address the policy now…

  14. 14
    dingojack

    So Jacobs fears god is gonna show her to be the fraud she is, and in ‘Little America’ too?
    She’d better skedaddle then.
    Dingo

  15. 15
    thebookofdave

    Shouldn’t God be able to deal with all evil at the same time, instead of randomly picking some evil to deal with at a randomly chosen time?

    Mock now, regret later timgueguen.

    Just you wait.

  16. 16
    thalwen

    Damn, I live in Maryland… I’m not as afraid of her god as I am of the high-concentration of idiots that this event will surely produce.

  17. 17
    bmiller

    So…I assume that God will be focusing on the corruption and pettyness in His own churches first? Would make sense.

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