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May 15 2014

God Intervenes to Save a Church

Fox News has discovered genuine divine intervention. The same God who apparently can’t be bothered to save millions of starving and diseased children did take time out of his busy day to stop a boulder from crashing through a church in Massachusetts.

Was divine intervention at play here? We’ll let you decide.

On Fox and Friends this morning, we heard from a Massachusetts pastor whose church was nearly crushed by a huge boulder. The Grace Ministries Church was right in the path of a 20-ton boulder that started rolling downhill after a blast at a nearby construction site.

The blasting company was working behind the church, widening a driveway for additional parking.

The whole thing was captured on video and it has been viewed on YouTube more than 70,000 times in the last few days. Pastor Rick LeClair said this morning he’s not a believer in luck and coincidences.

He explained that if the boulder had gone just a few more feet it would have slammed through the church’s food pantry that is used to feed thousands of needy folks each month.

Okay, so if you’re not a believer in luck and coincidences, that means that God meant to burn Touchdown Jesus to the ground in Cincinnati a few years ago, right? And he intended to let the giant Jesus statue in Brazil get struck by lightning, too. And when a thunderstorm knocked out a stained glass window in a church in Tennessee a few years ago the night of a “pray for rain” rally, God chose to let that happen, right? But your church, it’s just so darn special that God had to turn off the X Box and get involved, is that your position?

And it’s especially absurd that he thinks God did this to save their food pantry because they feed thousands of people with it (though good on them for doing so). Are the thousands of people fed by your food pantry more valuable to God than the millions and millions of starving and malnourished children in Africa? I mean, they’re probably white, so maybe so. But that’s kinda sick, don’t you think? That he went out of his way to make sure those people get fed but won’t lift a divine finger to help vast numbers of others?

25 comments

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  1. 1
    Reginald Selkirk

    God battered His way into TV station with stolen truck
    Who are we to question His deeply held religious convictions?

  2. 2
    matty1

    @1 That sounds more like schizophrenia to me than anything, probably best left.

  3. 3
    comfychair

    Funny how God’s miracles are always things that could have turned out just the same way in a universe without a God, huh?

  4. 4
    Mr Ed

    There is one obvious difference from this church which was saved and those that weren’t, this church is in Massachusetts the first state to have legal same sex marriage.

    God has spoken.

  5. 5
    matty1

    Funny how God’s miracles are always things that could have turned out just the same way in a universe without a God, huh?

    This is very like the first part of Oolon Coluphid’s proof of the non existence of God. ‘”I refuse to prove that I exist” says God “for proof denies faith and without faith I am nothing”‘

    Now all we need is a babel fish.

  6. 6
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    God or the laws of physics specifically gravity, inertia and the bits involving trajectory, momentum, bouncing and perhaps a few others and maybe a dash of chaos theory too at work?

    As miracles go, boulder doesn’t quite hit church because, well, it just didn’t quite do so falls into very much meh territory.

    Pretty sure boulders (and other things meteorites, avalanches, volcanic eruptions, et cetera) don’t hit lots of churches, and brothels and gay bars and abortion clinics and, etc .. every single flippin’ day planet-wide.

    *(Statin’ the obvious but hey, somebody has to do that, eh?)

  7. 7
    John Pieret

    Everybody knows God’s aim is bad. That doesn’t mean he’s going to stop trying.

  8. 8
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    @Mr Ed : I so hope that’s actually a fact!

    If so, that’s absolutely divinely classic.

    Citation?

  9. 9
    Randomfactor

    Gotta wonder why He pushed the boulder down the hill in the first place. A divine prank?

  10. 10
    democommie

    I can totes see GOD doin’ that.

    It’s sorta loosely based on Castle Doctrine. GOD’s goin’ bout his business, smitin’ here, electin’ there* when he sees the boulder starting to think about smashin’ into the church.

    So, he drops the babeez into the volcano or whatev, whips out his (invisible) terrible, swift sword of vengeance and home improvement, says, “Not MY fucking house!” and flicks the boulder gently to one side where it rolls out onto Main Street at an MBTA grade crossing and crushes a commuter rail car full of kids returning from a field trip to the Boston Museum of Science. Win-WIN!

    * It IS mostly “smitin’ here”.

  11. 11
    comfychair

    An omnipotent god with bad aim (and, apparently, a very long backlog of targets, since we haven’t all been crushed by giant boulders yet) would only be possible if the bad aim (and poor time management skills) were intentional.

  12. 12
    caseloweraz

    Fox: Was divine intervention at play here? We’ll let you decide.

    OK, I’ve decided.

    No.

    That was easy! No Gorge of Eternal Peril for me today.

  13. 13
    Modusoperandi

    And he intended to let the giant Jesus statue in Brazil get struck by lightning, too.

    Obviously. God was mad. That statue shouldn’t be there. Giant Jesus never went to Brazil.

  14. 14
    Larry

    God has been keeping boulders from rolling into my house for about 30 years now. Maybe I should start believing in him?

  15. 15
    sigurd jorsalfar

    That’s a strange interpretation. When I saw the video my first thought was “Way to go God, saving that blasting company from a law suit!” I figured God must really like blasting companies, because blowing stuff up is way more cool than feeding the homeless.

  16. 16
    Chris J

    Perhaps God built the metal railings that the boulder smacked into as well.

    Of course, if the boulder *had* hit, then God would have prevented casualties. If someone had died, God would have protected the survivors. If no one survived, nobody would invoke God (or they would say it was condemnation for the gay marriage thing).

  17. 17
    Area Man

    Think of all the divine intervention it took for thousands of churches not to have a 20-ton boulder come at them.

  18. 18
    Modusoperandi

    God deserves praise for His action in this case, but what about all the other boulders He doesn’t save?

  19. 19
    dukeofomnium

    That church used to be very timid, but then it got boulder.

  20. 20
    busterggi

    The church folks could prove god’s love for their church by dousing it with gasoline and setting it on fire live on tv so we can all see god blow out the flames after it gets burning well.

  21. 21
    Taz

    How do they know it wasn’t a warning shot? Maybe god is signaling his extreme displeasure with this particular congregation.

  22. 22
    Josef Mulroney

    so running into a concrete step and steel fence had nothing to do with stopping the boulder? and notice how the newscasters didn’t say anything about the concrete step?

  23. 23
    comfychair

    Wow! That’s even more impressive… God directed those construction workers to build the concrete step and the fence juuuust right so they would bring the giant boulder to a stop precisely where God wanted it to stop, all these years later! Praise the Lord!

  24. 24
    greg1466

    I liked “…we see the invisible with faith.” Some people might call that “imagination”. Funny how they failed to mention the obvious reasons why the boulder would stop. Seems pretty obvious that the extreme irregularity of the boulder was going to make it stop very abruptly at some point, even without the steel railing and concrete step.

  25. 25
    caseloweraz

    Quote without comment:

    Pastor Rick LeClaire: “It looked as if the boulder was literally shot out of a cannon…”

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