Borowitz: Rubio Faking His Public Ignorance


Andy Borowitz is one of the best political satirists around and his column in the wake of Marco Rubio boldly taking a stand on the side of ignorance about climate change is both extremely funny and not really that much of a parody. He chronicles the satirical reaction of the other potential 2016 presidential candidates:

After claiming on Sunday that human activity does not cause climate change, Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Florida) suddenly found his ignorance credentials under attack by potential rivals for the 2016 Republican Presidential nomination.

“Now that Marco’s thinking of running for President, he doesn’t believe in climate change,” said Texas Governor Rick Perry. “To those of us with long track records of ignorance on this issue, he seems a little late to the rodeo.”…

By Sunday evening, a defensive Sen. Rubio was pushing back against the attacks, telling reporters, “Any questions about the authenticity of my ignorance are deeply offensive to me.”

“My refusal to accept the scientific research on climate change is a matter of public record,” he said. “On this issue and many others my ignorance should take a back seat to no one’s.”

Welcome to today’s GOP, where the candidates jockey to position themselves as the most ridiculous rather than the least.

Comments

  1. John Horstman says

    I cannot wait for their clown car of presidential primary candidates for 2016 to debate! My last fix of schadenfreude is wearing off.

  2. Thorne says

    I find it telling that they don’r claim to KNOW that climate change is not happening. Instead, they proudly proclaim their ignorance. One of the
    few honest assertions they’ve made.

  3. John Pieret says

    Larry @ 2:

    Wait, this is satirical?

    Poe’s Law; Republican Corollary:

    “Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism Republicans that SOMEONE won’t mistake for the real thing.

  4. says

    But americans make the best ignorance!!! Although the bible says that we need to worry about the IGNORANCE GAP between us an Russia. THose dogless commies are not just evil they;re ignorant too! Texas should secede in order to nationalise its deep reservoirs of irnogance and precocious bodily fluids!

  5. says

    John Horstman “I cannot wait for their clown car of presidential primary candidates for 2016 to debate!”
    This time around, on stage they’re being organized from “committed moron” on one end to “cynical manipulator”, so that the viewing public can more easily pick out which awful candidate they like on that particular day, before they abandon them for some other clown once their prefered candidate’s already clear imperfections become whatever is more clear than clear. It’ll simplify the apparently Liberal Media’s “horse race” coverage, too (“After Speaking, Most Committed Moron’s Poll Numbers Tumble”).

  6. scienceavenger says

    Rubio is also doing the climate contradiction two-step, wherein he simultaneously claims that is isn’t happening AND that there is nothing we can do about it.

  7. felidae says

    Marco Rubio: We cannot not permit an ignorance gap to exist in our quest for elective office!–ignorance today, ignorance tomorrow, ignorance forever

  8. colnago80 says

    I’m sure that the blog’s resident climate change denier/down-player will be along to inform us what a prescient guy Rubio is.

  9. raven says

    Climate Change Advisory Task Force – Miami-Dade Portal
    www. miamidade. gov/environment/boards/climate-change-task-force.asp

    Jul 18, 2013 – The Climate Change Advisory Task Force has completed its task of identifying potential future climate change impacts to Miami-Dade County, …

    Parts of Florida where Rubio is from are already seeing global warming effects.

    Miami is at ground zero for sea level rise, being 4 feet above sea level and sitting on porous limestone, meaning they can’t use sea walls. Already they have flooding at high tides.

    So they have done the obvious and set up a committee to see what can be done. Probably not a lot in the very long run. Sea level rise according to IPCC is a maximum of 1 meter this century. In the next few centuries it will be more like 20 feet.

  10. Gvlgeologist, FCD says

    Sea level rise according to IPCC is a maximum of 1 meter this century. In the next few centuries it will be more like 20 feet.

    I don’t necessarily want to live forever, but as a geologist, I’d really like to come back every hundred years or so to see what’s happening, then every thousand years, ten thousand, etc.

    In this case, I’d also like to come back to see the reputations of the science deniers trashed. These guys are criminals, as far as I’m concerned. Shills for the energy companies and the tribalists in the Repub party, and con men who prevented real actions to try to ameliorate or even fix the problems caused by the use of fossil fuels.

  11. D. C. Sessions says

    In this case, I’d also like to come back to see the reputations of the science deniers trashed.

    You can get a good idea of how their reputations will fare by looking at the treatment of the smoking defenders. In fact, some of them are the same people.

  12. magistramarla says

    This may be a dumb question, but here goes:
    Is this why huge sinkholes seem to be more and more common in Florida?

    Also, since Disney has a huge investment in that state, have they weighed in on this?
    I would think that Disney would be smart to start selling off its Florida property.

  13. says

    I would think that Disney would be smart to start selling off its Florida property.

    Orlando is 82 ft. above sea level, so it’s not in danger of being inundated anytime soon. It would require about half of Antarctic ice to melt to raise sea levels that much.

    Disney probably has some properties on the coast, but not many. I suspect that hurricanes are the bigger danger.

  14. birgerjohansson says

    I will take my time machine back a couple of decades, and bribe the Republicans in Louisiana or Florida to start building infrastructure for national party congresses and ‘publican functionary indoctrination along the coast.

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