Uh Oh. God Pulled His Smile From Us.


The usual collection of wingnuts — Michele Bachmann, Louis Gohmert, Mike Huckabee, etc — held an event at Capitol Hill recently to celebrate “George Washington: Man of Prayer.” Messianic Rabbi Jonathan Cahn, an end times preacher, delivered this amusingly stupid diatribe to the gathered throng:

“We stand tonight on Capitol Hill, in the city named after the one who gave that prophetic warning, to ask, can a nation drive out the name of God from its public square, and the Word of God from its schools and the ways of God from its culture and still expect the smiles of God to shine upon it?

“Can the blood of 50 million unborn children cry out to heaven from this land and the smiles of heaven still remain?

“Members of Congress, can a government call evil good and good evil and forge laws that war against the laws of the Almighty and the smiles of heaven still remain?

“Supreme Court justices, can you strike down the statutes of the Almighty and overturn the judgments of the Most High and still expect the smiles of heaven to remain?

“Mr. President, can you place your left hand on the Word of God to assume your office and with your right hand sign laws which break the very Word upon which you swore and still expect the smiles of heaven to remain?

“The voice of our first president cries out to us tonight and answers, no you cannot do so and still expect the smiles of heaven to remain on this land.”

There are two things I find absurd about this. The first is rather obvious: Really, this is what it takes to get God to stop smiling on us (whatever the hell that means)? A couple centuries of slavery justified with the Bible didn’t bother him? The slaughter of millions of Native Americans in his name didn’t take his smile away? The lynching of thousands of black people and the systematic segregation and discrimination, again often justified and led by institutional Christianity didn’t get him upset enough to take his smile away? But treat gay people equally and let women control their own reproduction and he suddenly starts frowning upon us? Sounds legit.

Second, the “laws of God” were broken by the very existence of the Constitution itself that Washington signed. The lack of religious tests for office was viewed by conservative Christians of that day as an abomination. The guarantee of religious freedom was a clear violation of the first commandment. The guarantee of free speech is a violation of Biblical laws against blasphemy, taking the lord’s name in vain and bearing false witness. The fact that we didn’t put witches, homosexuals and women who weren’t virgins on their wedding day to death by stoning was a violation of the same law that Cahn and his fellow theocrats are upset that we’re violating today.

Comments

  1. dingojack says

    “Mr. President, can you place your left hand on the Word of God to assume your office and with your right hand sign laws which break the very Word upon which you swore and still expect the smiles of heaven to remain?” [Emphasis mine].

    I thought Barrack Obama was left-handed.

    :) Dingo

  2. colnago80 says

    One might ask the good “Rabbi” what he thinks of Washington’s leaving church services prior to the communion service.

  3. colnago80 says

    Re dingojack @ #1

    Obama is indeed left handed, as were Bill Clinton, George H. W. Bush, Ronald Reagan, Gerald Ford, Harry Truman, and Herbert Hoover. Actually, Ford and Reagan were naturally left handed but were forced to write right handed while at school, a common practice when they were young.

  4. Pierce R. Butler says

    … “George Washington: Man of Prayer.”

    Lots of recountings and re-enactments of the myth of GW praying in the snow at Valley Forge, no doubt.

    dingojack @ # 1: I thought Barrack Obama was left-handed.

    As seen from Hyperchristianstan, Obama is left-everything.

  5. dingojack says

    According to the FoAW:

    7 of the 15 Presidents since 1932 were left handed, but about 70-90% of the population are right handed*.

    Dingo
    ——–
    * that is about 1.5 to 4.5 Presidents should be left handed. (about 30% or 4.5 Presidents should be ambidextrous)

  6. joeina2 says

    To be fair, if the man who slept with the non-virgin was not married, they didn’t have to die, just get married.

    Regardless of whether or not she wanted to marry him. Because by “slept with” I mean any sexual content regardless of her consent!

  7. colnago80 says

    Re dilngojack @ #5

    Interestingly enough, there appear to be more southpaws in Canada as some 35% of the golf clubs sold there are left handed.

  8. David Marjanović says

    Second, the “laws of God” were broken by the very existence of the Constitution itself that Washington signed.

    Already the Declaration of Independence, the very existence of the USA, violates the New Testament idea that all rulers are instituted by God and thus all rebellion is blasphemy.

  9. Michael Heath says

    Ed writes:

    The guarantee of free speech is a violation of Biblical laws against blasphemy, taking the lord’s name in vain and bearing false witness.

    Speech protections don’t require a just government to protect the bearing of false witness. There are other rights, sometimes superior, that a just government is also obligated to defend.

  10. dingojack says

    Maybe it’s not god, but old General George himself who has ‘Pulled His Smile From [the[ US’, or perhaps the angels are just re-lacquering his celestial choppers.
    Dingo

  11. says

    Second, the “laws of God” were broken by the very existence of the Constitution itself that Washington signed. The lack of religious tests for office was viewed by conservative Christians of that day as an abomination. The guarantee of religious freedom was a clear violation of the first commandment. The guarantee of free speech is a violation of Biblical laws against blasphemy, taking the lord’s name in vain and bearing false witness. The fact that we didn’t put witches, homosexuals and women who weren’t virgins on their wedding day to death by stoning was a violation of the same law that Cahn and his fellow theocrats are upset that we’re violating today.

    Baby steps, Ed. Baby steps.

  12. blf says

    “… with your right hand …”

    The phrase literally translated as what your right hands possess (in several variants) in the Qur’an is a reference to slaves.

  13. dingojack says

    Ecclesiastes 10:2: “A wise man’s heart is at his right hand; but a fool’s heart at his left.”
    Dingo

  14. Al Dente says

    dingojack @5

    about 30% or 4.5 Presidents should be ambidextrous

    A quote from Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary comes to mind:

    ambidextrous, adj. Able to pick a pocket with either hand.

  15. Lea says

    Hey God,

    Can you sit by and do nothing while millions of children starve to death and still expect belief in you to remain?

    Can you do absolutely nothing while millions of people are ravaged by disease and still expect belief in you to remain?

    Can you pay no attention at all to the millions of prayers and cries for help from your children and still expect belief in you to remain?

    Can you sit there all nonexistent-like while earthquakes, tornadoes, and hurricanes destroy your children and all their possessions and still expect belief in you to remain?

    Actually, yes. Yes, you can.

  16. StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return! says

    “Can the blood of 50 million unborn children cry out to heaven from this land and the smiles of heaven still remain?

    Well there was only one smile in the heavens I recall and that was a sort -lived conjunction of the crescent Moon, Venus and Jupiter some years ago as seen here :

    http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap081205.html

    Astronomy Picture of the Day – 2008 Dec. 5th.

    Also unborn children? Nope. Not really. No more than ejaculated sperm or eggs that go in menstruation dude.

  17. StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return! says

    ^ Most ejaculated sperm – all but one per pregnancy idiot.

    Most eggs too.

Leave a Reply