Christianity Today has a whole section dedicated to women. It’s called Her.meneutics. Get it? That’s hilarious. And they’re letting all the women folk know the real reason they feel compelled to masturbate (because apparently “it feels good” is too obvious an explanation).
When men talk about masturbation (or at least what I have heard and read), everyone pretty much settles on the basics: It’s hard to practice self-control. It’s hard to resist indulging in lust. Really hard. Few men try to psychoanalyze the process, explaining masturbation away by realizing that they secretly have underlying issues relating to real women.
Really? What man explains masturbation that way? No one I know does. And why would it need to be explained in the first place?
Men realize that even if they do resolve those relational issues with women or somehow meet their “unmet needs,” that won’t solve their real problem. Their real problem is lust.
Is it? And why would this be a problem even if it was?
To fully address female masturbation, we don’t need more psychoanalysis about sex that implicitly negates female sexuality. We need a biblical approach that recognizes both the immense pleasure of the female orgasm and the inherent goodness of sexual desire while reserving its proper place for within marriage.
We need a strategy that recognizes the sin of lust and calls it by its name, rather than pretending that women have no agency beyond reacting to environmental stressors or psychological difficulties. We must treat lust like other sins—not a way we act out as a consequence of other problems in our lives—but as a sin requiring us to learn the discipline of self-control that we must master if we ever hope to be the women God made us to be.
It’s just not enough to say that women struggle because they “want to be wanted.” Wanting to be wanted wrecks your self-esteem, it makes you dress immodestly to attract attention, it makes you reach out to any man who will affirm even a smidgen of value about you. Masturbating because you “fantasize about being wanted” means that you find the act of being wanted sexually arousing.
This is all quite baffling. They really do think that masturbation is a bad thing that must be eliminated through “discipline” and “self-control.” Well okay, if you feel the need to masturbate on the bus, that might require a bit of self-control. But if you’re doing it privately, what on earth is the problem?
For example, most women find, when equipped with patience and a good method of fertility awareness, that their lust generally increases around the time of ovulation. This awareness can be a helpful reminder that time alone when you’re approaching peak fertility will be more tempting than at other times in your cycle. It can remind you that your need to avoid tempting situations will be greater some days more than others. The biological basis of this alone should indicate that what’s required to combat masturbation is more an issue of learning to tame one’s lust rather than simply dealing with repressed issues.
Again, baffled. Why is there any need to combat masturbation? Fluff your kitty and rough up the suspect all you want, for crying out loud. This idea that having orgasms is some shameful act is perverse and poisonous. It’s time to end the war on orgasms.