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Apr 26 2014

Oh, Michael Bresciani

Even among Christian right pastors and pundits, Michael Bresciani is a particularly annoying git. He is apparently afflicted with the delusion that he’s terribly smart and clever, which leads him to type ignorant drivel like this:

It will take a national revival to call God back to our side. First to forgive us, second to renew our commitment to righteousness and lastly to show our resolve to a world that is plunging in unison to what we now well know will lead to – Armageddon.

If you’re a Christian, shouldn’t that be a good thing? I mean, that brings on the end times, right? Everyone goes to heaven?

Academics are assuring our children that they are the progeny of monkeys who are now on the cusp of conquering the stars. Yet, even the monkeys have not blurred gender distinctions nor do they indiscriminately destroy their young on a daily basis. They exist without hoarding gold and silver or prepare for retirement. Is it time to tell the Darwinists that acting like monkeys is not proof of evolution?

Um. Okay. So monkeys (which we did not evolve from, you moron) are morally better than us, but acting like monkeys is bad? Seriously, turn your brain on before you start typing.

15 comments

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  1. 1
    matty1

    Monkeys do in fact kill their own young sometimes . I can’t post links on this phone but look up animal infanticide.

  2. 2
    Al Dente

    Yet, even the monkeys have not blurred gender distinctions

    Bonobos, which Bresciani would probably call monkeys, indulge in homosexual behavior.

  3. 3
    Michael Brew

    Is he trying to imply that long term financial planning is a bad thing?

  4. 4
    jba55

    “what we now well know will lead to – Armageddon”

    I wonder, is he using ‘Armageddon’ as the generic for the end times or is he using it biblicly as the actual location in the Middle East. I’m guessing generically, that’s how it almost always is, but I really wish he was being literal. I love the image of a revival style pastor leading an army of the faithful, pied piper style, into the desert and going “bring on the armies of satan!”. Then just being confused when all they get is a local herd of goats looking at them like they’re crazy.

  5. 5
    IncredulousMark

    None of what the guy wrote makes any sense to me at all so I’m unable to rebut it.

  6. 6
    Larry Kearney

    Monkeys never invented religion, either. So they do have that going for them.

  7. 7
    stuartsmith

    @3 – The be fair, the bible is quite clear that you’re not supposed to save. You’re supposed to keep what you need to survive, and give the rest to the poor, trusting your fellow Christians to come to your aid if you find yourself poor in the future. Jesus was pretty clear on that. It wasn’t until centuries later that the Catholic church handed that section of the bible to the casuists, who came back with the idea that saving for the future is really just another kind of surviving, and therefore any money you choose not to give to the poor is really just you meeting your basic needs.

  8. 8
    Modusoperandi

    You know, for someone who says that “acting like monkeys is not proof of evolution” he sure throws a lot of poop.

  9. 9
    Michael Heath

    Michael Brew writes:

    Is [Michael Bresciani] trying to imply that long term financial planning is a bad thing?

    Here’s a purely speculative explanation: Conservative Christians are an aging demographic, where the young that remain aren’t making as much (deflated) as previous generations. So as this population increasingly retires to a fixed income, those that retire drop their tithe rate to their lower fixed income rate. That provides less money to Michael Bresciani, which annoys him because he’s gives a shit mostly about himself. So he’s looking for an argument that’ll turn the spigot opening back up to the higher rate, regardless of the implications to the marks flock that retired.

  10. 10
    aaronbaker

    Monkeys? WTF?

  11. 11
    gertzedek

    I mean, to be fair, we do share a common ancestor with monkeys more recently than anything other than apes, and said ancestor would probably look a hell of a lot like a monkey — it’s not entirely inaccurate to say “we evolved from monkeys”. More accurate than saying we were miraculously created 6000 years ago, at least.

  12. 12
    anubisprime

    It is highly unlikely that theistbots like Bresciani would be remotely interested in the taxonomic argument let alone remotely understand what it implies.

    They are just howling the howl of the other brain-dead in their sycophantically generated and maintained circle of repugnant ignorance, they have never and will never consider the evidence, they are not sure what the evidence is or how to asses it anyway, and they sure as hell do not wish to start, low IQ is a bitch that way.

    What they have is a dim flash of fear and loathing deep in their guts that is dawning on them that Darwin is the end of the line for their delusional claptrap.

    That fear is becoming all consuming because it will not go away, they smell their death in that fear, their ultimate devaluation of the cloying sentiment traditionally afforded to ‘men of god’ and an uncertain future plus loss of earnings and prestige, let alone power, and they are indeed sore afraid.

    So much so irrationality and incoherent babbling are the only tools left in their kit bag.

    They have nothing else, and the burbling of inanity will increase in volume and insanity level the more the polls reflect their slow, painful and inevitable slide into the tarpit of mythological oddity or indeed oblivion.
    They cannot even be bothered to cobble together a half decent argument, totally out of convincing ammo they have also run out of awe engendered in a dumb populace and the gaps where they tried stuffing their nonsense into are disappearing at an alarming rate.

    It is an odd reflection that the change over from the old Pagan gods to the new kid on the block although contentious at times never actually questioned the veracity of the main claim of supernatural fairies or fairy, just which one was best to serve, and which one worked better in a sociological sense…this time around the theological upheaval involves the central tenet itself of religion being hacked away as in…’wot fuckin’ fairy?’ …that is the difference and that is the result of a world of education and science.

    And theist dim wads know it, all they can do is cling on to the present victims like shit to shoe leather and herd them the best way they can, regurgitating utter bollix designed to pacify dumb audiences is the only weapon they have left and even that is slipping from their sweaty grasp.

    They are losing ground, they know it!, fighting like a cornered shit house rats maybe, but they are losing ground!

  13. 13
    pleasebereasonable1 .

    I would love to know which academics think that an unarmed spacecraft that drifts beyond the solar system after 36 years is the “cusp of conquering the stars”

  14. 14
    freehand

    If white Americans are descended from Europeans, then why are there still Europeans? Answer that, atheists!

  15. 15
    scienceavenger

    Yet, even the monkeys have not blurred gender distinctions nor do they indiscriminately destroy their young on a daily basis. They exist without hoarding gold and silver or prepare for retirement. Is it time to tell the Darwinists that acting like monkeys is not proof of evolution?

    WTF, this isn’t even coherent. First he says we aren’t acting like monkeys, then in the next sentence he implies we are.

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