Satan is Trying to Destroy Christian Video Game!


A company that is trying to raise money to make a video game based on the life of Abraham from the Bible says that Satan is doing everything he can to stop it from happening because it’s such an enormous threat to him. Yes, this is the point where you should be laughing out loud.

I need to be clear on this point: Are you telling me that Satan is literally working to confound your plans to release this game? You’re saying that the actual Devil is scheming against you?”

I’m sitting in a nondescript office in an unremarkable neighborhood in Bakersfield, CA, interviewing three men about their plans for a Biblical game based on the life of Abraham.

“I believe that, 100 percent,” replies Richard Gaeta, a co-founder of Phoenix Interactive. He argues that since the launch of the Kickstarter for Bible Chronicles: The Call of Abraham, trouble has come into all their lives.

“It’s very tangible,” adds his business partner Martin Bertram. “From projects falling through and people that were lined up to help us make this a success falling through. Lots of factors raining down on us like fire and brimstone.”

Actually, it’s your god who rains down fire and brimstone, not the devil.

“If Satan is rallying some of his resources to forestall, delay, or kill this project, I think, this must be a perceived threat to his kingdom,” adds Ken Frech, a religious mentor to the project. “I fully would expect something like this to have spiritual warfare. Look at the gospel accounts of demons and so forth. That’s reality. Many Americans don’t believe it anymore. That doesn’t change reality.”

Yeah. Or, there just aren’t enough people interested in your game. People who believe in the devil may not believe it anymore, but that doesn’t change reality.

Comments

  1. cswella says

    To add to the delusions these people suffer, their website says they hope to have this game published on XboxOne and Playstation 4.

    They must really believe it’s a quality game.

  2. Chiroptera says

    “If Satan is rallying some of his resources to forestall, delay, or kill this project, I think, this must be a perceived threat to his kingdom.”

    Or maybe God and Satan got into another pissing match, like in the first chapter of Job.

  3. Larry says

    More like its the ghost of the Atari game, ET – The Extra Terrestrial, coming up out of the the landfill to reek havoc on any game that attempts to usurp its throne.

  4. StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return! says

    Is it me or is this deja vu?

    Didn’t I see this or summin like it jus ‘t’other week?

  5. John Pieret says

    Are you telling me that Satan is literally working to confound your plans to release this game?

    From what I’ve seen of it, where do we send our thanks to Satan?

  6. Moggie says

    If Satan is rallying some of his resources to forestall, delay, or kill this project, I think, this must be a perceived threat to his kingdom

    Not really. He’s just polishing off all the little side quests on this level before advancing to the next one.

  7. Stacey C. says

    I have a friend who runs an animation studio that makes cut scenes for video games. Deals are *always* falling through and sometimes they don’t get paid for months for work they’ve done. It’s a rough business. Devil or no devil.

  8. sophiehirschfeld says

    That would be one hell of an awkward game to play. From Hagar the non-consenting sex slave to the attempted murder of his son, especially.

  9. Die Anyway says

    If God is as omnlpotent as they claim, why didn’t he open a permanent can-of-whup-ass on Satan a long time ago?

  10. says

    “I fully would expect something like this to have spiritual warfare.”

    I cannot wait to play Call of Duty: Spiritual Warfare: Abraham’s Rangers.

  11. Michael Heath says

    Interviewer:

    Are you telling me that Satan is literally working to confound your plans to release this game? You’re saying that the actual Devil is scheming against you?”

    Answer:

    “I believe that, 100 percent,” replies Richard Gaeta, a co-founder of Phoenix Interactive.

    I’m confident there is zero evidence for this belief and therefore this belief is also wildly irrational. This is why I’ve removed belief as a term I use to refer to the conclusions I hold.

    It’s a term where no validating standards exist. All we know by this term is there’s an extant conclusion; there’s no information as to the validity of the conclusion. In addition those who see belief as a good thing also frequently equate their beliefs as equally valid relative to competing conclusions that are based on a sufficiently framed set of validated facts. E.g., YEC vs. science.

    So I continue to perceive belief and faith as juvenile thinking attributes that are fundamentally flawed.

  12. says

    I wonder how they’ll handle the delicate parts. Like when Pharaoh sleeps with Abraham’s wife and sister (who are the same person) because Abraham told him that they weren’t married. Or when Abraham forces all of his servants and slaves to have pieces of their genitals cut off.

    This could be a game with some very adult themes!

  13. raven says

    Are you telling me that Satan is literally working to confound your plans to release this game? You’re saying that the actual Devil is scheming against you?”

    Answer:

    “I believe that, 100 percent,” replies Richard Gaeta, a co-founder of Phoenix Interactive.

    Of course, we all know how to defeat satan here. Send them some money.

    Satan is weak and can’t withstand the power of American money.

    They always claim they are in it to save your soul. But they always seem more interested in power and money. Which makes sense. God is most likely nonexistent but power and money do exist and are quite useful. Try to buy a sports car with faith.

  14. says

    “If God is as omnlpotent as they claim, why didn’t he open a permanent can-of-whup-ass on Satan a long time ago?”

    He loves watching Satan hurt people?

  15. coryat says

    To be fair Raven, American money does trust in God. That probably explains its power, UK money meanwhile features pictures of Darwin (£10 note). That actively empowers the devil,

  16. RickR says

    Why wouldn’t these bozos think that God might be trying to subvert their plans because He doesn’t like it and doesn’t want them to do it?

    Oh that’s right. I forgot the first law of religious douchenozzlery: If it’s people outside the tribe being harmed, that’s God. If it’s people inside the tribe being harmed (or more specifically, ME) then that’s Satan. Easy Peasy!

  17. bahrfeldt says

    “Richard Gaeta, a co-founder of Phoenix Interactive”. Gaea? Phoenix? Pagan demons!!! It’s not Satan working against you!

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