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Mar 25 2014

Jacobs: Mexicans, Native Americans Should Repent

Self-declared “prophet” Cindy Jacobs took a break from tending her bottomless spaghetti bowl to tell Mexicans and Native Americans that they must repent of their heritage because of a “Leviathan spirit” and…oh hell, just watch it. It’s a typhoon of stupidity.

29 comments

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  1. 1
    tbp1

    As someone with kind of a funny voice myself I don’t usually criticize someone else’s vocal delivery, but how in the world has she survived in a racket that normally requires some charisma and speaking ability? Her voice and accent make me want to punch out my eardrums with a crochet hook.

    And that’s without even addressing the utter, jaw-dropping stupidity of what she’s saying.

  2. 2
    marcus

    Strong is the stupid in this one indeed.

  3. 3
    richardelguru

    I almost decided to watch the video, but I feared that I almost certainly would repent the decision

  4. 4
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    Leviathan spirit? That’d be a whale of athing wouldn’t it?

    Or maybe a dinosaur?

    Seriously tho’ WTF? Spirits in bloodlines? She for real?

  5. 5
    Artor

    You can’t make me watch that. Ed! I only have a few brain cells left, and I need every one of them!

  6. 6
    Sastra

    She sounds to me like someone who often lectures to small children and nursing homes. Or, perhaps, teaches crafts, cooking, or something similar. It’s not a bad voice. It’s what she’s saying.

    If your ancestors worshiped false gods then this sin travels down through the bloodlines. We all need to check our bloodlines, to find out how worthy we are.

    IwillnotgodwinIwillnotgodwinIwillnotgodwin….

  7. 7
    raven

    Speaking of bloodlines, the European Americans all have Pagan religions and not so far back. The Aesir of the Vikings and Germans, the Olympians of the Greeks and Romans, the Druids of the English, and so on.

    And xianity descended from Judaism. Which descended from Canaanite religions.

    Why should I be cursed or repent for what my ancestors did? I wasn’t there, did nothing they did, and had no control whatsoever what they did.

  8. 8
    matty1

    It was hard to work out what she was babbling about but what I got was something about how if your ancestors worshipped crocodiles that makes you guilty of the sin of animism, which leaves you vulnerable to attacks by the Leviathan spirit.

    Incidentally Leviathan Spirit will be our final band this week, enjoy the bar and don’t forget to come back next week for more Band Names That Should Totally Be Real.

  9. 9
    matty1

    Why should I be cursed or repent for what my ancestors did?

    See under ‘sin, original’ also ‘fruit of the the tree of knowledge’ (who will be on next week).

  10. 10
    raven

    Why should I be cursed or repent for what my ancestors did? I wasn’t there, did nothing they did, and had no control whatsoever what they did.

    Oops!!! Well, there was one thing.

    I was myself a xian and not so long ago. I’m sorry. I apologize. It won’t happen again for sure. I’m even trying to fix that mistake by being a Militant Atheist.

  11. 11
    Crimson Clupeidae

    On behalf of my Lakota ancestors: Cindy, fuck you.

  12. 12
    dingojack

    Matty (#8) – “Can I have a double shot of Leviathan Spirit, straight, no ice. Oh and some beer nuts, thanks.”
    Dingo

  13. 13
    Gregory in Seattle

    And if they repent and find Jesus Christ (the real and not some phony substitute) then their skin will become white and delightsome.

    Is she a closet Mormon or something?

  14. 14
    Richard Smith

    Isn’t the Leviathan spirit the vodka the Russians laced with the mutation formula in that movie?

  15. 15
    dingojack

    Richard Smith- I think that’s called Molotov’s other Cocktail*.
    Dingo
    ——–
    * I recommend neither shaken nor stirred. A particularly heavy cocktail that should only be used in hand-to-hand combat!

  16. 16
    d.c.wilson

    I watched the whole way through. It sounded to me like an elaborate code for “act more like white people.” You know, like Jesus.

  17. 17
    Richard Smith

    dingojack: Sounds like Melbourne Old-and-Yellow.

  18. 18
    A Masked Avenger

    Actually her message was completely intelligible. Leviathan appears in Job. It’s commonly recognized as a crocodile. And it’s not only a crocodile; it’s also a demon because reasons.

    So any religion that involves crocodiles is actually worshipping Leviathan. And your religion taints your entire bloodline. So if you’re descended from any indigenous people who worshipped crocodiles, then you have a blood-borne susceptibility to being controlled by Leviathan, the demon-crocodile.

    It’s all perfectly clear.

    [*] In fact Leviathan was the primordial sea monster that the gods conquered to establish order and create the universe, also known as Rahab. But since we know Job is literally true, and Leviathan is therefore a literal beast, that pretty much leaves crocodiles.

  19. 19
    Smilodon Carver

    Totem poles in Virginia?

  20. 20
    eric

    @7 – my thoughts exactly. People with blond hair and blue eyes should probably not be lecturing olive-toned people about the nonchristian paganism in their cultural background. That’s pretty much the pot calling the snow black.

  21. 21
    poose

    It was kinda hard to see it, but I was able to confirm it. I feel I can throw this insult as, unfortunately, I share the same trait, so don’t rag on me, please.

    “Woman, you are soo full of shit your eyes are brown.”

    Going back to the loo now.

  22. 22
    poose

    d.c.wilson:

    “I watched the whole way through. It sounded to me like an elaborate code for “act more like white people.” You know, like Jesus.”

    I STILL wonder to this day, even given the abysmally lax standards of some state’s Educational systems how Pentecostal Christians (Hel, almost every Christian) continues to assume the a Mediterranean, Bronze age Jew could possibly be WHITE? And at age 33 wasn’t married?

  23. 23
    grumpyoldfart

    She’s got a new routine – using the “sh” sound instead of “ess” — divorsh instead of divorce, shpirit instead of spirit. I’ve never heard her do that before.

  24. 24
    matty1

    In fact Leviathan was the primordial sea monster that the gods conquered to establish order and create the universe, also known as Rahab

    Any relation to Tiamat?

  25. 25
    democommie

    “And at age 33 wasn’t married?”

    Hung around with 12 other guys.

    How do you think they’d react if some church sanctioned research came up with JESUS did exist and he was teh GAY!?

  26. 26
    dingojack

    grumpyoldfart (#23) – I’m guessing a few too many shots of Leviathan Sprit before the show.
    Dingo

  27. 27
    dingojack

    Perhaps she needs an intervention and then to go into Rahab?
    ;) Dingo

  28. 28
    davem

    Given that those animists in North America worshipped crocodiles, I’d like to know whether the crocs swam across the Atlantic, or the animists had boats big enough to sail the other way. ..or why this woman isn’t on some strong pills to cure her delusions.

  29. 29
    dreikin

    davem:
    As an occasional Floridian, allow me to introduce you to the American crocodile.

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