Bill Hemmer = Ron Burgundy?


The character of Ron Burgundy is based on longtime Detroit news anchor Mort Crim but it could easily have been based on Fox News anchor Bill Hemmer. Hemmer, who struck me as a dullard even when he was on CNN, asked an astonishingly stupid question about the missing Malaysian airplane:

Former FAA spokesperson Scott Brenner told Fox News on Tuesday that the pilots of the missing flight had intentions of taking the plane in a different direction before they last spoke to air traffic control.

In his Wednesday coverage of the new details, Hemmer pointed out to aviation attorney Salvatore Lagonia that the plane could have ended up in Pakistan or the Indian Ocean.

“Well, if I knew, I’d tell somebody,” Lagonia replied. “But obviously, it’s hard to tell where he went after that. Once he went below 5,000 feet and really tried to stay clear of radar, that plane could make even more turns.”

“So, what, it took us 100 years to find the Titanic?” Hemmer noted. “It took us 2,000 years to find Noah’s Ark. Do we ever find flight 370?”

“They named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale’s vagina.”

Comments

  1. dhall says

    So that’s how those replicas can be built accurately. We just look at the one we found, and use it as a model. Wonderful. And where does Mr. Hemmer think we found it? Where are we keeping it? Area 51?

    I seem to recall a very grainy, bad photo claiming to show the ancient timbers up on Mount Ararat, taken several decades ago–forty or fifty years back at least, although it might be even older–and I have always been puzzled as to why there were never any new pictures. Seems like it ought to be easy enough to hike up there with a nice digital camera. After all, it wouldn’t be like climbing Everest . . .

  2. Pierce R. Butler says

    Given the standard version of the Judeo-Christian-Islamic mythology in the west, either Hemmer thinks the Ark™ was found around the (purported) time of Jesus, or was found recently – after a Flood™ during the Jesus Days.

    Of course, the error in the above sentence can be summed up in two words: “… Hemmer thinks …”

  3. Mark Sherry says

    So according to Hemmer, we discovered the Ark in 359 BC. Good thing we didn’t manage to lose it in the intervening 2373 years!

    Or maybe we lost it sometime in the intervening years, and it took us 2000 years to find it again? I bet God was really irate about that. First we kill his only begotten son, then we lose a 300 cubit ark.

  4. Abby Normal says

    Don Lemon from CNN is one the case. He asks the question no other reporter would think to ask, could a black hole have been responsible? Thankfully, Mary, an expert of some sort I’m sure, sets the record straight. It could not have been a black hole because, “a small black hole would suck in our entire universe, so we know it’s not that.”

    If you’ll please excuse me I need to go weep uncontrollably.

  5. Larry says

    Well, somebody sure found the ark. I’m looking at an advertisement offering preserved silvers of wood from the ark for 3 payments of only $39.95 + $7.95 S&H.

  6. abusedbypenguins says

    Larry, for a mere $19.95 I will sell you a genuine small piece of the one and only original Ark. It will come with papers verifying how ever old you want it to be. Act now(A 2X4 has only so many pieces) and the $19.95 includes shipping and handling.

  7. teawithbertrand says

    I’m gonna guess that in Hemmer’s mind, all of the OT and NT stories (all true, of course) all happened at around the same time some 2,000 years ago.

    Also, the wreck of the Titanic was discovered in 1985 – 73 years after the ship sank, not 100. Just sayin’.

  8. says

    A planeload of people are most likely dead, their surviving relatives are dealing with both the loss and the utterly insane media circus — and Fox can’t even find a commentator who can sound intelligent about it for even one minute? What the fuck is wrong with US “news” media?

    And speaking of Ron Burgundy, I’m fucking tired of him. I saw the first movie, it was so-so, and the second was (and still is) so pervasively hyped all over the place that I got sick of it without actually having to see it.

  9. scienceavenger says

    Hemmer is quite possibly the dumbest man on television. When interviewing a scientist on the latest estimates of the sun’s life and when we can plan on it going all Red Giant on us and frying earth to a crisp (2 billion years or so) Hemmer uncorks this gem: “So what does this say to people who believe in global warming?” The scientist handled that with amazing grace. On another occasion Hemmer reported on dolphins sensing a woman’s pregnancy as if sonar was a recent discovery. The man’s every idiot fratboy stereotype you know, Steve Dallas less 40 IQ points.

  10. Michael Heath says

    scienceavenger writes:

    Hemmer is quite possibly the dumbest man on television. When interviewing a scientist on the latest estimates of the sun’s life and when we can plan on it going all Red Giant on us and frying earth to a crisp (2 billion years or so) Hemmer uncorks this gem: “So what does this say to people who believe in global warming?”

    I don’t think that’s a dumb question given the level of education the public has on science matters in general and climate science specifically. I’d bet most of the public who accept the scientific consensus on our climate are ignorant of the major climate trend factors. Factors that are sometimes offsetting and differ in the amount of their respective forcings. E.g., that if humans weren’t effecting the climate, we’d be advancing towards another ice age. That in spite of the long term trend of the sun eventually overheating our planet for life to exist and ultimately destroying the earth.

    I see such questions as an opportunity for the interviewee to advance the body of knowledge science does possess. The public often equates its own ignorance as similar to that science possesses, and that’s exploited of course by reality deniers. One’s own ignorance projected onto scientists is of course naive and in some cases stupid, but that’s an indictment on our educational system, religion, and politics rather than a failure we can always assign to a specific individual.

  11. scienceavenger says

    I don’t think that’s a dumb question given the level of education the public has on science matters in general and climate science specifically.

    The most generous interpretation I could put on it is that he did a good job as an interviewer by asking a question only a total fool would ask because that’s who’s watching his show. Problem is, my many mornings laughing my ass off at the stupid shit that spews from this guys mouth makes it more likely that he’s not playing the fool, he is one.

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