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Mar 17 2014

Greg Candelaria: God’s Special Snowflake

One of the most annoying things about any disaster is the inevitable bleating on by those who narrowly escaped it about how God reached down and protected them specially because, apparently, they were just so damn special that he couldn’t help himself. Greg Candelaria is just such a person.

A Houston man who was scheduled to fly on the missing Malaysia Airlines plane is alive and accounted for after deciding to cancel his trip to Beijing at the last minute.

Malaysia Airlines flight 370 had 239 people on board when it vanished off radar screens early Saturday morning, leaving no clue as to where it crashed or even landed.

Greg Candelaria, 57, got a text message alert about the missing plane while out to dinner with his wife Brooke and quickly realized he had a boarding pass for that exact flight….

He credits his survival to the ‘providence of God’.

‘The very grace of God and nothing more,’ Candelaria said. ‘It wasn’t a conincidence it was by design.’

But one of Candelaria’s co-workers wasn’t so lucky. Fellow IBM employee Philip Wood, 50, was one of three Americans on the flight.

So God — by design — said you get to live but fuck that Philip Wood guy? Is that how it works, Greg? The other 239 people on the plane, now all presumably dead, they can just go fuck themselves while you praise the lord for saying you because you’re just so fucking special? Do you realize how arrogant and offensive that is? Of course you don’t. Because you’re God’s special snowflake.

17 comments

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  1. 1
    fifthdentist

    Not to get all Godwin-ey here, but there was a guy who attributed to “providence” his survival of a nearly fatal injury in the trenches of World War I and subsequent multiple assassination attempts.
    Just sayin’.

  2. 2
    anubisprime

    Reminds of a victim of a tornado, heralded on the news, a young child survived an airborne experience for many metres and finally landed in a hay stack…the aunt and uncle were besides themselves with gushing praises to ‘gawd’ who obviously thought the child was oh so very special to be chosen by such a loving supernatural force…but it was just a pity mum died on the concrete hard stand after the same flight!

  3. 4
    democommie

    When the special snowflake is full of shit is he/she spotted or solid brown?

  4. 5
    whheydt

    So much for the “free will” arguments.

  5. 6
    John Pieret

    The very grace of God and nothing more

    It wasn’t God’s fault those other other 239 people did have enough of his grace …

  6. 7
    John Pieret

    Phah!: those other other 239 people didn’t have enough of his grace

  7. 8
    dhall

    Miracles are so minor these days.

  8. 9
    sonwinks

    Awwww nice to see god caring about this one guy…… Sad to see god not giving a shit about the other 239…..
    Typical picky god!

  9. 10
    tsig

    So if he dies of a heart attack today, god was finished with him?

  10. 11
    richardelguru

    How come they never say “God called all those guys up to eternal joy in Heaven, why did He leave me down here, why does He hate me?”

  11. 12
    arakasi

    He’d best be careful. Wasn’t the Final Destination film franchise built around this exact premise?

  12. 13
    raven

    Liberal Protestant: Jesus loves you

    Fundie Protestant Jesus loves us and hates everyone else

    Greg Candelaria Jesus loves me and hates everyone else

  13. 14
    busterggi

    Yahweh needed 239 more suckers to praise him and Candellaria wasn’t good enough.

  14. 15
    thebookofdave

    In other news, God spared me from getting clobbered in traffic today, like He does every day (except a few times). Sending angels to remind drivers to brake when a cyclist has the right of way probably diverts them from other important matters, like setting my favorite sportsball team up for the winning goal, or the survival of victims in a disaster. But God agrees that I’m worth the effort (and who are you to judge God’s priorities?).

  15. 16
    bushrat

    You guys shouldn’t be so hard on him. I mean just the other day I stubbed my toe, but due to God’s good graces and divine providence or some such thing I had just put on my steel toe boots and I wasn’t injured. God’s pretty great, and he loves me best.

  16. 17
    freehand

    I was standing in line in a sandwich shop and couldn’t help but see the little girl, about four, in her momma’s arms. She was barefoot, with one foot bandaged, and really looked out of it. Her mom was explaining to the cashier: “She was playing on the porch rail this morning and fell off onto a bush. It broke her fall, but one branch stabbed right through her foot! The doctor cleaned it out and put her on painkillers and said that she’s gonna be alright. Yep, Jesus was really looking after my little girl this morning!”
    .
    Yikes. I thought how grateful I was that he hadn’t been looking after me.

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