Benefiel: America Cursed by Egypt, Baal

Now here’s a meeting of conspiratorial minds. Cindy Jacobs, she of the bottomless spaghetti bowl, and John Benefiel, another self-declared “prophet” who thinks the Statue of Liberty is demonic and that he can cause earthquakes with prayer, meet to discuss how America is cursed because the Egyptians dedicated the country to Baal, thus giving Satan a “legal right” to interrupt God’s blessings. They call this “spiritual archaeology.” I call it bullshit.

Comments

  1. raven says

    that he can cause earthquakes with prayer, meet to discuss how America is cursed because the Egyptians dedicated the country to Baal, thus giving Satan a “legal right” to interrupt God’s blessings. They call this “spiritual archaeology.” I call it bullshit.

    More like gibberish.

    1. If this guy can cause earthquakes, could he get Putin out of Ukraine for us?

    2. The Egyptians didn’t worship Baal. Can’t he even use Google or Wikipedia? They had their own pantheon of entertaining gods, Ra, Isis, Bast, Osiris, Horus and more.

    3. The ancient Egyptians didn’t even know the USA existed. The USA is a modern creation, 1776.

    4. Can’t god overrule satan? After all, god created satan in the first place, according to their mythology.

    One of the minor strangeness of fundies is how they keep creating new gods. Satan has gotten a status upgrade and is now at least as powerful as god. (Both are however, less powerful than my cat. The cat at least exists even if she doesn’t do much.)

  2. blf says

    [T]he Egyptians dedicated the country to Baal, thus giving Satan a “legal right” to interrupt God’s blessings.

    If stories told around the campfire by drunken stone age shepherds has that much power over magic sky faeries, then no wonder the Entwives were lost.

  3. scienceavenger says

    John Benefiel, another self-declared “prophet” who thinks the Statue of Liberty is demonic and that he can cause earthquakes with prayer,

    Sounds like he’s been taking his X-men comics a wee bit too seriously…

  4. Alverant says

    Ba’al was a Stargate villain, before that he was a patron god of multiple cities (Wikipedia says it’s more of an honorific than name). Then the christians corrupted the name to be another word for Satan; Beel(Baal)zebub.

    This guy needs a full time fact checker.

  5. Francisco Bacopa says

    Well at least she’s not blaming the Karankawa for the (lower than ever) crime rate in Houston anymore. She was basing her account of the Karankawa off the old 7th grade Texas History textbooks we grew up with that were based on Tonkawa stories that the Karankawa were demon summoning cannibals. The current texts emphasize Cabeza de Vaca’s account of his life among the Karankawa. Yes, they kept him and his remaining crew as pets in a human zoo for a while, but they eventually sent him on his way and he was able to complete some of his mapping mission.

    This whole Baal thing is a bigger departure from reality.

  6. Larry says

    meet to discuss how America is cursed because the Egyptians dedicated the country to Baal, thus giving Satan a “legal right” to interrupt God’s blessings.

    I understand that this was going to be the major plot line for Ghostbusters 3 but since Harold Ramis passed away, the studio has shelved it.

  7. moarscienceplz says

    “Ba’al was a Stargate villain”
    As in bocce? ;-)
    I was always disappointed that SG-1 never fought Yahweh. He surely was the most evil System Lord of all the Go’auld.

  8. Randomfactor says

    Well, at least he’s admitting there’s more than one god to choose from, some of them powerful enough to overrule HIS choice. Makes shopping a little easier…

  9. Lithified Detritus says

    (Both are however, less powerful than my cat. The cat at least exists even if she doesn’t do much.)

    Also, cats are able to be both alive and dead at the same time. Sort of like Jesus, come to think of it.

  10. freehand says

    grumpoldfart: I like to read stories about Americans. Such funny little people.
    .
    You laugh now, but wait till we trample your garden and molest your pets.

  11. caseloweraz says

    Gee! If John Benefiel thinks the Statue of Liberty is demonic, and he can cause earthquakes with prayer, he should be praying as hard as he can to cause an earthquake that brings Lady Liberty down.

  12. mobius says

    So God is all-powerful, right?

    But Satan can interrupt God’s blessings.

    This is a strange concept of “all-powerful” you have.

  13. raven says

    This is a strange concept of “all-powerful” you have.

    Oh c’mon. You don’t understand religion.

    When is the last time you appeared on a piece of toast? And then made it all the way to a Youtube video?

  14. Moggie says

    thus giving Satan a “legal right” to interrupt God’s blessings

    Satan obeys the law?

  15. dingojack says

    John Benefiel is clearly one of those evil D&D players*.
    Dingo
    ——–
    * Demons are (AFAICR) of ‘Lawful Evil’ alignment

  16. Childermass says

    You mean that all Satan needed to do was send people on boat trips and any place they found would be his? In that case, it would have been pathetically easy to claim the whole planet. And God seem a bit pathetic too. Why would he agree that if someone but up a petroglyph, that the land is Satan’s?

  17. Alverant says

    #8 Wasn’t there an episode of Real Ghostbusters where they meet Baal, a god/protector of cities who needed the Ghostbusters help to defeat Tiamat? I could be thinking of a different god.

    #9 I got the impression that it started out as a Cannanite god but spread around. It’s like Ba’al was both a name and title.

  18. freehand says

    Despite having a religion based on texts and teachings that are slightly more advanced, Christian fundamentalists just keep reverting back to paleolithic magic, don’t they?
    .
    Laws, for the authoritarian mind, must be obeyed (assuming they aren’t fake laws from an unauthorized fake authority, like our fake Kenyan president). So… laws of the land, laws of physics, and laws I just made up because they fit some sort of primitive template are all interchangeable. They. Must. Be. Obeyed.
    .
    The theologians can keep insisting that God is infinitely powerful, but they provide the faithful with a pantheon populated by a defeated rebellious army. Why would Satan have rebelled if he had not thought it possible to win? Why did Yahweh make mistakes (like the first population of humans wiped out by a flood)? Why was Yahweh worried that Adam and Eve would also eat from the Tree of Life, and “become like us”? Who are the rest of “us”? Clearly this is derived from an older religion in which Yahweh is one of several powerful but not all-powerful deities, in a realm of lesser supernatural entities.

  19. says

    @Alverant #23 – Ba’al was a title, roughly translatable as “lord” or “master”, and used in much the same way as English Lord. In terms of religion, Ba’al was used as an epithet for Semitic god Hadad, ruler of the sky, bringer of rain and thus a god of agriculture. It was also used to address local fertility and agricultural deities seen as helpers or representatives of Hadad, and for farm overseers and temple tithe collectors (who would assess a harvest’s yield and determine how much would go into the granaries.)

    Interestingly, the Hebrew root (bet, ayin, lamed) is used to convey the meanings “husband”, “boss” and “owner.”

  20. raven says

    provide the faithful with a pantheon populated by a defeated rebellious army. Why would Satan have rebelled if he had not thought it possible to win?

    The War in Heaven isn’t in the bible. It’s something MIlton made up Much of what xians believe isn’t in the bible. It’s fiction all the way down.

    There is a war in heaven in Revelation. But that refers to future events, none of which have happened yet.

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