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Mar 08 2014

Christian Movie Fest 2014

There are three Christian movies coming out in the next few months that I’m just dying to see, so much so that when they are all available I think we’re going to have a watch party (me, Jeremy Beahan, Justin Schieber and probably a few others). We might even buy a green screen and do it MST3K style. The first is Uncommon, a movie made by Liberty University starring Erik Estrada as a Mr. Miaggi-style character who has to defend brave Christian students being persecuted for their faith:

Come on, Erik Estrada in a bad Christian movie? Who could resist that? The second is, of course, God’s Not Dead, with Kevin Sorbo as an atheist philosophy professor who came straight out of a million idiotic chain emails.

And the third is Persecuted, which is about exactly what the title says.

These are going to be absolutely hilarious.

25 comments

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  1. 1
    lordshipmayhem

    I’d love an MST3K version. That would be the perfect treatment.

  2. 2
    Chiroptera

    …starring Erik Estrada as a Mr. Miaggi-style character….

    Ha ha ha! When I first saw this, I read it as “Mr. Magoo-style character”!

  3. 3
    Teve Tory

    dear god no.

  4. 4
    sh3baproject

    what about the lock in?

  5. 5
    sugarfrosted

    Did you ever watch the Apocalypse series? It’s basically like Left Behind only with better has-beens like Mr. T and Patrick Swayze rather than Kirk Cameron. Also worse effects, but that’s charming.

  6. 6
    sugarfrosted

    Sorry for the double post, but I’m kind of dumbfounded that “God is not Dead” got a relatively wide release. It will be in a Century theater in Berkeley, FRICKEN BERKELEY.

  7. 7
    dingojack

    sugarfrosted – hey! Everyone deserves the gift of roll-round-the-floor, pee-you-pants, finger-pointin’ laughter!
    Dingo

  8. 8
    Posaun

    Well Uncommon has a silver lining of arguing for arts programs in schools. Can’t say it has much else going for it.

  9. 9
    Matt G

    If anything was meant to be turned into a drinking game, this is it. Don’t forget the air sickness bags, and I don’t mean just for the alcohol!

  10. 10
    tfkreference

    “When I first saw this, I read it as “Mr. Magoo-style character”!

    Me too – and my second thought was that it would be appropriate.

  11. 11
    Modusoperandi

    Finally! Movies that appeal to me! Movies that are for me!

    Not these movies. I’m talking about other movies. Better movies.

  12. 12
    lancifer

    I don’t know. All three look insufferable to me. Especially knowing that Christians will see them as “inspirational” and use them as an excuse to justify their delusional persecution complex.

    They don’t seem to have laughably bad production values or unintentionally funny dialogue, just more of the same arrogant idiocy that has bored and frustrated me for years when dealing with Christians.

    So, thanks, but I’ll pass.

  13. 13
    dingojack

    Lancy – I totally understand!
    It must be very irritating when others infringe on your shtick without paying any kind of royalties.
    :) Dingo

  14. 14
    andrew

    I salute you for being able to laugh at them. For me they just get my blood pressure up. Maybe because I was raised with this sort of thing? I can’t quite manage to laugh, I always just want to fight.

  15. 15
    Kimpatsu

    Mr. Miaggi
    That’s Mr. Miyagi, Ed. Same spelling and Chinese characters as the Japanese prefecture: 宮城.

  16. 16
    Pseudonym

    Christianity has produced some of the greatest works of art ever created by human hands. It’s sad to see what it’s become in the hands of cynical American politicians.

    But hey, at least that last one might help the debate on NSA surveillance.

  17. 17
    deuterostome

    I think the religious are making a strong move here by shifting the culture war back to their home turf: fiction.

  18. 18
    jakc

    make sure you buy used copies of the dvd. If you buy new/rent you’ll be giving these people money

  19. 19
    Nemo

    Enjoy. Personally I can barely get through the trailers.

  20. 20
    anubisprime

    When xtians feel moved to dabble with the devil and make movies, casting their own as the heroes…you know their time infecting this mortal coil is up!

    So they pretend to do what they cannot manage in reality, and find it pushes the same buttons in fiction…and all is good!

  21. 21
    danrobinson

    Is there a way to invest in straw men? The price is about to bust through the ceiling.

  22. 22
    birgerjohansson

    I bought a collection of old MAD magazine stuff in the seventies, with comics going back tho the sixties and fifties. This is when I learned names like “Erik Estrada” and “Anita Funicello” I am glad to hear old Erik is still alive and healthy Since Anita is associated with beach films maybe she should be in the “Noah” film..

    I also remember the “Deadly Ernest Horror Show” in the eighties, a tongue-in-cheek European cable channel program showing exquisitely bad fifties and sixties horror films. I think we should have a similar program, with the expert commentary of Ed and PZ for allegedly Christian fims. -We already have some thing similar with “Mock the movie” but it only reaches a small group.
    Ed, get on the phone to a cable company and explain the commercial opportunities of this “roll-on-the -floor-laughing” genre!

  23. 23
    Crudely Wrott

    Yes.
    I too
    Thought of Magoo.

    “Oh Magoo, you’ve done it again!”

    With fond memories of Jim Bacus . . .
    _____
    I wish I could attend the viewing. I’ve just found a one hundred pound sack of pop corn. Unpopped.

    Just thinking about the noise it would make makes me sorry that I won’t be there with you.

  24. 24
    Crudely Wrott

    oops, birger. That’s Annette Funicello*. Mouseketeer emeritus and the recipient of uncountable little boy crushes back when TeeVee was all shades of gray.

    I almost married her but my mom and dad wouldn’t allow it. They said she was too old for me.

    Was a long time getting over that, I was.

    *known as Annette Funnyjello in her Mad Magazine appearances. To avoid embarrassment and such.

  25. 25
    birgerjohansson

    Thanks, Crudely Wrott.

    Back then, Disney provided the only cartoons we saw in Swedish TV, but the coverage was Donald Duck-centric. Micky Mouse was no big star here. By a quirk of fate, the Disney xmas show with cartoons of Donald Duck et al became the center of Christmas
    TV interest for kids, who continued with the tradition when they grew up even though other cartoons from other companies were available by then. Even today Swedish kids are supposed to sit down 1400 xmas evening and watch Disney before opening the presents.

    In a very real sense Disney characters have displaced religious symbolism for Christmas in Sweden.

    Maybe a Disney version of Noah’s story? No, it would be hard to cutify a genocide.

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