Beck: God Has Miracles for Me!


Glenn Beck delivered a weird rant on his radio show about how he’s just doing what God tells him to do and that God told him to “sit down and shut up” because he has huge plans for The Blaze that doesn’t make sense even to Beck himself. And it will lead to “miracles, absolute miracles.” Because he’s an agent for God himself, people. And he has no idea how pompous that makes him sound. Of course, Beck has routinely told his followers about a HUGE STORY he’s about to break that he never actually does, so take this with a metric ton of salt.

Comments

  1. Christoph Burschka says

    God told him to “sit down and shut up”

    Much as it surprises me, I’m with God on this one.

  2. Johnny Vector says

    He’s got magic to do, just for you!
    He’s got miracle plays to play.

    When do we get to the orgy scene?

  3. says

    That’s nothing.
     
    He told me to take a jump to the left. And then a step to the right. With my hand on my hips.
    And with my knees in tight. But it was the pelvic thrust. That really drove me insay-ay-ay-ay-ayne.
     
    Long story short, many years have passed since that night, but I still hold out hope that He will return and tell me to do the Time Warp again.

  4. Phillip IV says

    God told him to “sit down and shut up” (…) And it will lead to “miracles, absolute miracles.”

    Lead to? If Beck really shuts up it would be a miracle, an absolute, honest-to-God miracle. Sadly, miracles just don’t happen.

  5. felidae says

    “Can I say something cryptic?”

    Glenn, you haven’t asked our permission to say something cryptic several thousand times before, why now?

  6. jnorris says

    Glenn “Nicely Nicely” Beck has yet to even start on Independence, USA (Gbeckistan) and that Man in the Moon thingy.

  7. says

    Such delusions of grandeur are nothing new for Beck. He also said of his ‘Restoring Courage’ rally in Jerusalem that “I swear to you, and I mean this sincerely, there’s a possibility a pillar of fire appears”.

  8. wayneturner says

    @8

    Every time I think Beck has finally slipped over the edge… another edge appears

    Its edges all the way down!

  9. says

    Robin Lionheart “Such delusions of grandeur are nothing new for Beck. He also said of his ‘Restoring Courage’ rally in Jerusalem that ‘I swear to you, and I mean this sincerely, there’s a possibility a pillar of fire appears’.”
    The Pillar of Fire is an Israeli gay bar. So I’ve heard.

  10. anubisprime says

    @OP

    God told him to “sit down and shut up”……..because….

    No ‘because’ just sit down and shut up is all god wrote!

  11. dingojack says

    Modus (#15) – I thought it was Burnin’ Ring of Fire* – or is that Curry House down the road, I forget….
    Dingo
    ——–
    * And unless someone has said something to upset Mr Barnard – don’t get me started on Chariots of Fire…

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