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Jesus Trolls New Mexico Woman

Jesus continues to troll True Believers everywhere by leaving vague images of himself in the weirdest places. He’s shown up on tortillas, toast and even in bathroom mold. Now he showed up in a bruise that a New Mexico woman sustained when she fell down the stairs — but only after some “holy dirt” was rubbed on it.

A Silver City couple is calling it a “Chimayo miracle” after a bad injury.

The couple says some holy dirt from the northern New Mexico town has left a holy and healing mark.

Just last weekend, Paula Osuna says she fell down the stairs at her home causing painful bruises all over her foot.

Eventually she asked her fiancé to rub some of the holy Chimayo dirt he had saved from a pilgrimage there a couple years back.

After putting the holy dirt on her foot and then bandaging it, she says the next day the bruise formed in the shape of Jesus on her second toe.

Osuna says her family members first noticed the bruise.

“My family has always done the pilgrimages to Chimayo and this is the first time I ever used it and I’m seeing something kind of come out full circle I guess.” Osuna said.

Here’s a picture of the Jesus toe:

jesustoe

So let me get this straight…Jesus didn’t stop her from falling down the stairs. He didn’t heal the bruise or take the pain away. He just left an image of himself in it. He photobombed her injury. Lady, Jesus is fucking with you.

Comments

  1. pixiedust says

    Looks more like Darwin to me. See the big white beard? I never saw Jesus with a big white beard!

  2. says

    Holy edema!!!

    Actually, I suffered a fairly similar injury a few years ago. Now I have to go dig up the pictures and check for the savior!! (Though why he caused the lights to fail when he did, so I stubbed my foot on that doorstop, I’ll never understand. I was sure moving in mysterious ways for a week after that!)

  3. greg1466 says

    And look! The bruise on the middle toe looks like a mushroom cloud! Or maybe it’s just a mushroom, which might explain why she sees Jesus in the other bruise…

  4. jba55 says

    “I looked closer and it’s the duck dynasty guys. Sorry, christians!”

    Oh you’re fine, the one that said bigoted things is the new and improved Jesus. He’s White Redneck Capitalist Jesus!

  5. steve78b says

    1. Looks like Randi to me too!

    2. I’ve been to Chimayo and talked to the priests. They said that they filled the hole in the floor with fresh dirt every night that they dug up outside. Same with the water in a big jug. They emphasized that they did not believe it was magical at all …. just blessed by the priests and seemed to make people feel better. I was floored that they said that!

  6. Larry says

    I smell a rat here. Silver City is not in northern New Mexico. Its in the southwest corner. I think this report is bogus, man!

  7. leonardschneider says

    Are we sure it’s Jesus, and not one of the dead members of Lynyrd Skynyrd? Maybe the singer from the Spin Doctors?

  8. howardhershey says

    I am concerned, given the site of the bruise, that Jesus is into a little up-skirt voyerism.

  9. Stacy says

    Darwin? Marx? Nah, looks more like Charley Manson to me

    The one on her middle toe looks like Manson to me. And “Jesus” is a Mark Ryden Jesus.

  10. thebookofdave says

    The devout couple does not wish Jesus to fade from their lives. So next week, Paula will run into a door.

  11. Thumper: Token Breeder says

    Where exactly is Jesus in that? I do not see Jesus.

    To be fair, if I were Jesus, I would be fucking with the wingnuts so hard… They’re sipping a cool glass of lemonade on their porch, they put it down, look away for a second… boom! It’s wine. They’re settling in for the monthly loveless conjugal, they finish, he pulls out… “Where the heck did that condom come from?! I’ve sinned!” I’d make crucifixes wink at people. I’d appear in dreams and tell them they had to streak at the next superbowl. Hell, I’d appear in dreams having icky homosex with Judas; that’d confuse the fuck out of them. I’d set up a sofa and TV in the middle of the Goldengate Strait, and sit there playing Xbox for a couple of hours. Anyone who has a flag pole in their front garden; I would switch the flag with a rainbow flag and place a “Buddy Jesus” statue at the base of the pole. I’d make the organ play “Highway to Hell” during services, regardless of which keys the organ player hit.

    Man, I’d have so much fun. Our current Jesus is frankly lacking in imagination. Or a sufficient appreciation of schadenfreude.

  12. Michael Heath says

    Thumper,

    I think Jesus does have a sense of humor and uses us to amuse himself. It’s a just different type of humor than your preferred approach. Jesus seems especially fond of sending tornadoes through trailer parks or giving kids distended bellies from malnutrition. Hey, his dad even got in on the fun by raining down misery on Job due to a bet he had with Satan, demanding Isaac burn his son at the altar (just kidding!), and even crucifying his own son. For the grand finale billions of humans will burn forever! It’s a somewhat dark type of humor.

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