A Creepy Mormon Video on Masturbation


This is an awkward and creepy video put out by BYU-Idaho encouraging kids to narc on their friends if they know they masturbate, comparing that action to rescuing a wounded man in a time of war. Do they even know how creepy this is? It gives me the creeps. Did I mention it was creepy?

Comments

  1. cswella says

    If masturbation is similar to being a wounded soldier, does that mean sex is a dying man gushing blood in a foxhole?

  2. marcus says

    It is easy to see (I don’t have sound at work) that these two young men are in love with each other.

  3. criticaldragon1177 says

    Ed Brayton

    Really so they expect us to believe that porn is evil and that people who try to get their friends away from it, are “warriors” I don’t find this creepy really. I find it to be very stupid through.

  4. markr1957 says

    So, the message is that if you see someone bashing the bishop in a foxhole you should call the bishop?

  5. Sastra says

    I don’t know — those long and loving looks between the Smug Friend and the Former Masturbator suggest that these unsuspecting Mormon soldiers may have jumped from the frying pan into the fire. Hell fire, that is.

    It’s almost embarrassing to look at how they’re telling grandiose stories in their heads built upon nothing, like religious Walter Mitties.

    Many years ago a Mormon friend of mine told me about her deep concerns about how long her teenage son was spending in the shower. I eventually realized it wasn’t the hot water, but the fear that her son might be masturbating. She knew that it was against the Mormon religion — but she also wondered if an otherwise sensible non-Mormon atheist mom thought it could be a problem, too. I was her touchstone to secular reality, apparently. I might also be a good source for tips on how she could prevent this.

    I laughed and told her it hadn’t occurred to me that this was what my own teenage son was doing but as far as I was concerned it was a complete non-issue. All things being equal I would prefer him to masturbate — it was normal — and my only concerns involved his leaving a mess (or running up the water bills.) As far as I could tell her ideas on preventing it (she was trying to use a timer) would likely boomerang. They don’t really need to do it in the shower. Or the bathroom.

    My relaxed response seemed to relax her a bit. I think the LDS Church seriously tries to enforce their anti-masturbation doctrine by using secular reasons, arguing that any mother would worry. My friend wasn’t sure they were valid, though, and knew she had an easy way to check.

    No. There are no secular reasons. It’s just more Mormon faith bullcrap and an organization’s attempt to control its members.

  6. erichoug says

    I don’t get it, who exactly would they rat their friend out to? The Priest? Or are they saying that they should just confront their friend directly?

    Either way it’s a fucking awkward conversation.

  7. Dave, ex-Kwisatz Haderach says

    Modus, it’s still safer doing it alone in the shower than with a partner. You should see the looks you get when both of you show up in the ER dripping wet (one concussion, one broken arm). Sex-ed needs a section on physics, and what is and is not feasible on a wet surface.

  8. loreo says

    “Really so they expect us to believe that porn is evil and that people who try to get their friends away from it, are “warriors” I don’t find this creepy really. I find it to be very stupid through.”

    Imagine trying to police the masturbatory habits of young people. Your own kids, friends’ kids, student acquaintances – How could you possibly do it in a way that isn’t creepy?

    I spent the first 20 years of my life in an environment like this, and it fucks you up. The church takes something you will inevitably do, makes you believe it is sinful, then tells you they have the cure. It’s like being in an abusive relationship; you learn to hate and fear your own desires. Moreover, how do you have a conversation about real sexual ethics in this context? I never once learned about the concept of consent because every authority in my young life was certain that just telling me about the sinfulness of sex was enough education.

  9. Reginald Selkirk says

    Just remember: semen doesn’t clog shower drains, baby oil clogs shower drains. So use a water-based lube.

  10. raven says

    Utah No. 1 in online porn subscriptions, report says | Deseret News
    www. deseretnews. com/…/Utah-No-1-in-online-porn-subscriptions-report…‎

    Mar 3, 2009 – (Edelman says he took into account the amount of broadband access available in various … The state with the lowest subscription rate was Montana, with 1.92 per 1,000. … Subscriptions to online porn are “particularly widespread where … Utah has a high proportion of young people, so when that’s taken ..

    The Deseret News is the Mormon newspaper..

    To put this in context, Utah has the highest rate of accessing online porn in the USA!!!

    The Latter Day Saints aren’t all that saintly.

    The Mormon church saw this and they think they have a problem. They do but it isn’t what they think it is. Right now they are having an anti-porn campaign. The religion is anti-human and inhuman, especially about sex.

  11. raven says

    The Mormon church is an authoritarian mind control cult.

    The front line is the bishops, untrained lay members who Mormons are supposed to confess to in regular meetings.

    They encourage kids, both female and male, to talk about their sex lives and sex problems with adult men of no particular merit for no understandable reasons.

    It’s creepy at best, child abuse at worst. It’s appalling among other things. Being a Mormon kid must be a nightmare.

  12. raven says

    Utah has one of the highest rates of suicide among young males in the USA.

    It’s not entirely clear why, but it is known that many of those dead young adults are gay.

    It seems creepy to us. To some people actually caught in their system, it is a lot more serious than that.

  13. Moggie says

    Sastra:

    No. There are no secular reasons. It’s just more Mormon faith bullcrap and an organization’s attempt to control its members.

    I could certainly have used some help controlling my member when I was a teenage boy.

  14. says

    Dave, ex-Kwisatz Haderach “Modus, it’s still safer doing it alone in the shower than with a partner. You should see the looks you get when both of you show up in the ER dripping wet (one concussion, one broken arm).”
    At least you get a tiny little sling. The little crutches are a bit much, though.

  15. Trebuchet says

    @12,erichoug:

    I don’t get it, who exactly would they rat their friend out to? The Priest? Or are they saying that they should just confront their friend directly?

    Either way it’s a fucking awkward conversation.

    The Morons don’t have priests; they say right in the video you’re supposed to tell the bishop. Who, as raven points out, is an untrained layman with inordinate power over the members of his “stake”. You’re also supposed to tell the bishop if you think someone isn’t wearing their magic underwear.

  16. Michael Heath says

    I don’t find this argument creepy; I do think all prior responses here (through @ 3) is type of avoidance and denialism.

    You’ve got a church that makes it difficult for young people to develop social and interpersonal skills as they advance through puberty, adolescence, and early-adulthood that would promote their flourishing in today’s culture. We know such church influence in the U.S. leads people to a higher consumption rate of porn. The abuse of porn* is merely a symptom of the very root cause this president upholds and wishes to contain without actually implementing any credible corrective actions (note he merely tells the interlopers to narc on the abuser).

    Yes, I’m confident there are people out there that abuse porn in a manner that inhibits their ability to socialize with others and develop or maintain healthy meat-world sexual relationships. Not addressing that in this thread is at best avoidance and at worst, denialism. So in this case I think intervention is the morally right move, but the optimal intervention opportunity I see here is to advocate this young man leave such a fucked-up religion, which could isolate him even more unless he transfers to a secular university. The fact this young man’s probably surrounded by only Mormons amplifies how religion supposedly “poisons everything”.

    *I’m not claiming all consumption of porn is abusive. I’m instead directing my attention to the framing of the video, a young single consumer of porn whose becoming isolated from his peers.

  17. Wylann says

    Utah has the highest rate of porn access? Well, I’m single handedly (see what I did there?) going to give them a run for their money!! I can be number one!! :p

  18. DaveL says

    comparing that action to rescuing a wounded man in a time of war.

    Oh come on, I would have thought for sure they would have gone with “rescuing an animal from abuse.”

    Especially all those choked chickens, spanked monkeys, flogged dolphins…

  19. anielsen says

    This is far from surprising. LDS leaders frequently talk about the “dangers” of masturbation in General Conference (basically a bunch of old men talking about church stuff for 10 hours every six months that members watch on TV). This is often done at the Priesthood sessions of General Conference, which since only men can hold the priesthood, this saves the delicate ladies from having to hear about masturbation, which is usually talked about as something that boys do.

    The military metaphor is also not surprising in the least, as “stripling warriors” is a common Book of Mormon-related metaphor for being obedient and faithful members of the Church.

  20. TxSkeptic says

    By the end of the video, it looked more like the concerned guy was trying to get his lonely friend hooked up. I’d certainly agree that the best way to stop a kid from chocking the chicken, is to get him laid instead.

  21. tiredofusernamerules says

    “His roommates know, but do nothing to help.” Well, maybe he could handle it himself . . .

  22. marcus says

    Michael Heath @ 24“Yes, I’m confident there are people out there that abuse porn in a manner that inhibits their ability to socialize with others and develop or maintain healthy meat-world sexual relationships. “
    This is certainly a conversation worth having. However in this case the entity “framing” the video (… a fucked up religion”) is also very likely, as you suggested, a major contributor to the problem. In my mind any conversation in this context would be “fruit from a poisoned tree”, though I do respect your point. Being derisive of the source is not necessarily the same as denying that there might be a real problem.

  23. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    Just remember: semen doesn’t clog shower drains

    …challenge accepted…

  24. imthegenieicandoanything says

    As the Scientology of the 19th Century, yes, Mormonism IS the creepiest surviving religion. And it had mucho competition during the sick, sick so-called Great Awakening of the time (though actually it was an early, distinct, and even more poisonous strain), from what source nearly all America’s current social/political troubles come from.

  25. leonardschneider says

    Ah, Mormonism. The Scientology of the ol’ West. They seem to be unaware that there are two types of people in the world: people who masturbate, and liars.

  26. says

    anielsen “This is far from surprising. LDS leaders frequently talk about the ‘dangers’ of masturbation in General Conference (basically a bunch of old men talking about church stuff for 10 hours every six months that members watch on TV).”
    Well, obviously masturbating in General Conference would be inappropriate.

  27. says

    Raven @17

    I think you’re missing the point, Raven. Utah has the highest rate of online porn subscriptions! They pay for it!

    Who pays for porn these days?

  28. John Pieret says

    You want creepy? … Try being in an auditorium full of teenagers at an all boys high school while a Catholic priest yammers on endlessly about the dangers of masturbation.

  29. had3 says

    Pieret: could be worse, could be an auditorium full of priests with a teenage boy talking about masturbation to them.

  30. James Stuby says

    The video is now “private.” So that’s a laugh right there. All that’s left is the parody, apparently created today.

  31. hadrian says

    I’m so disappointed that I can’t see this video. Now I just have to imagine what it’s about. Since I keep hearing seeing “the dangers of masturbation,” I can only assume it is about chafing and carpal tunnel syndrome.

  32. Crudely Wrott says

    The video link displays the message: “This video is private”.

    And it’s on . . . the . . . internet????????

    More Mormon Mistakes.

    Hello, Lynna*.
    ________

    See her profuse commentary on Pharyngula

  33. lancifer says

    When I was a teenager my parents were Mormons. I had refused to go to church having become an atheist at age twelve. My father had threatened me and beaten me into going to church, but finally realized the incredible hypocrisy of “beating someone” to Christ, and let me stay home on Sundays.

    One day when I was fourteen, years after my parents had conceded my soul to Satan, they told me that the Bishop wanted to “talk to me”. I asked why and they said, “He said it was personal, and wanted to talk to you privately.”

    I thought it was going to be a proselytizing attempt and was ready to tell him just what I thought of a religion that even a twelve year old had figured out was crap, so I went to the “meeting”.

    After a few perfunctory words of greeting, to my surprise and discomfort, he asked me “Are you masturbating?”

    I paused and mumbled, “Uh, do you mean right now?”

    He was taken aback and said, “No, I mean…uh, do you ever do it?”

    I had no idea that this was a “normal” line of questioning and just kind of looked at him with a puzzled expression for a very uncomfortable and silent minute or two.

    Finally I said, “I don’t really think that’s any of your business. Is there anything else you wanted to talk to me about?”

    He seemed surprised by my response and said, “Well is there anything you want to talk to me about in your spiritual life?”

    I said no and he stood up and walked me to the door.

    Some years later, while scrounging on my dad’s dresser for lunch money one morning I found a pamphlet that my dad had gotten at some Mormon function and left there, I suppose, for me to find. It was called “For Young Men Only.”

    It was one of my favorite possessions for many years, real comedy gold. It never mentioned any genitalia. It referred to “your little factory”. It said that your “little factory” was intended to be “activated” after marriage and if you “played with it” before marriage it would “ramp up production” and you would have problems.

    It recommended that when “dark temptations” came on the “stage” of your mind, that you should push them off by singing hymns and reciting scripture.

    My friends and I had many a laugh session while smoking dope and reading this “classic” of Mormon literature.

    We would thumb through the Mormon hymnal I had also pilfered making crude jokes about songs like “He is Risen”, “Awake and Arise”, “Come, and Rejoice”, “Come, Come Ye Saints”, “How Firm a Foundation”, “Come Onto Him”, “Lord We Come Before Thee Now”, “We are Sowing”,

    And my personal favorite.

    “The Iron Rod”

    Not to brag or anything…

  34. paulburnett says

    Raven (#17) noted “The state with the lowest (porn) subscription rate was Montana…”

    Don’t they have a lot of sheep in Montana?

  35. lancifer says

    Oh, and the pamphlet also endorsed physically attacking anyone that made homosexual advances.

    Even as a heterosexual teenager in the 1970’s this seemed bizarrely violent and bigoted to me.

  36. mikeymeitbual says

    … And I thought the “For the Strength of Our Youth” pamphlets were weird.

    As someone who was raised LDS, I can speak first hand to how badly their policies on suppressing sexuality screw people up. It took me well in to my early 20s to convince myself that sexuality was an important part of being human and it should be embraced. This “it’s ok to intrude on other peoples personal lives” bullshit is an obvious problem with the LDS culture. Their preoccupation with other peoples sex lives is odd to say the least.

    “I was just talking to my bishop…”

  37. notyet says

    As a survivor of 27 years of mormonism (what can I say? I was a slow learner) I can attest to the obsession that the leaders have with your sex life. Upon realizing that “The Church” was nothing more than lies and superstition I developed a hatred of everything related to it. 27 years later, this is my anniversary year, as long as an atheist as I was a mormon, I can’t shake the hatred of the asswipes that controlled my life and caused me enormous amounts of shame and humiliation over their imaginary god. I won’t deny the satisfaction I get every time I see another report of the drop in membership (at least in countries with a decent level of education) or another scientific or archeological find that makes it more difficult for them to convince new victims to join up. Needless to say, I am not invited to a lot of family get-togethers. This video is far from the worst propaganda I have seen and I was only able to stand about 45 secs. of it but it was enough to rekindle the anger. Not that it takes much.

  38. anielsen says

    Modusoperandi @36 Masturbating during General Conference should become a semiannual ritual for all ex-Mormons. But probably not while watching General Conference, unless you have really weird kinks.

  39. Steve Morrison says

    Mark Twain may have said it best: “Self-negation is noble, self-culture beneficent, self-possession is manly, but to the truly great and inspiring soul they are poor and tame compared with self-abuse.”

  40. says

    Male Mormon Church leaders and members masturbate as much as anyone else their own age. Brainwashing Mormon males to feel dirty and immoral by doing what they all do and will continue to do naturally is a crucial way of controlling Mormon males and divert their attention away from the criminal syndicate that is the Mormon Church and it’s mafia boss top leaders. Telling Mormon males to spy on and rat out fellow Mormon males suspected of masturbating takes this hypocritical and destructive brainwashing and control to a whole new creepy level. Mormon missionaries have been routinely encouraged to do this. But expanding this creepy, be-suspicious-of-and-distrust-all-your-fellow-Mormons kind of church-wide surveillance shows that top Mormon Church leaders are desperate to clamp down on and gain absolute control over it’s members’ personal lives and thoughts. If you’re Mormon, get the hell out before they destroy whatever truly good that is still in you.

Trackbacks

Leave a Reply