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Jan 11 2014

God Invented Social Media!

Sometimes I see the trite nonsense that fundamentalist Christians find deep and inspiring and it just leaves me with my jaw in my lap. Here’s a perfect example from someone named Brandon A. Cox in the Christian Post, wherein he declares that God invented social media. Because he used to talk to Adam and Eve.

God invented social media. I know that might sound like a crazy claim, but I have a biblical basis for believing this. So I’m primarily speaking to those who believe with me that God is the creator presented to us in the biblical book of Genesis…

Let’s break it down this way. The word media really just refers to information. Facts. Things that are true, or at least things that are thought to be true. Social is a word we used to refer to interactions between human beings – otherwise known as relationships. Putting it together, social media simply refers to the sharing of information through relationships.

There was a time in history when the only way information was shared was by conversation between people. And even after information began to be written down, writings were still shared from person to person through real, human relationships. Even in the garden of Eden, god communicated directly with Adam and Eve in a family-like relationship. He told them what they needed to know (media) in a direct personal way (social). In other words, God invented social media.

Wow, how incredibly not profound or meaningful.

30 comments

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  1. 1
    cswella

    By that standard, God also invented incestual voyeur porn with his children.

    I know that might sound like a crazy claim

    Thanks for the clarification.

  2. 2
    matty1

    It’s true God invented everything, of course most Christians don’t like to go to deep into the implications of that but lets just say you start to think Satan had a point.

  3. 3
    steve oberski

    Too bad this god chappy wasn’t limited to 140 characters.

  4. 4
    John Pieret

    And God tweeted, Let there be light and there were LEDs …

  5. 5
    John Pieret

    steve oberski @ 3:

    Too bad this god chappy wasn’t limited to 140 characters.

    Oh, but he was. That’s why the Bible is broken down into those short little verses.

  6. 6
    raven

    It’s true God invented everything,…

    True.

    God invented evil as it says in Isaiah. The Big Boat incident was when he invented genocide. The Garden of Eden is when he invented failure and blaming others for his mistakes.

    He invented satan and the demons.

    He invented evolution, the Big Bang, science and scientists.

    That is BTW, a common xian belief. My natal church didn’t have a problem with evolution and they say so right on their web site. The amount of time they spent on opposing evolution was about zero. “God invented evolution,” end of story.

    Lately, god has a new project. He is inventing the New Atheists. And they are doing well. God invented Freethoughtblogs, PZ Myers, Ed Brayton, and all the rest of them.

  7. 7
    raven

    The word media really just refers to information. Facts.

    I don’t think this is right.

    Media is the form in which information is presented. Facts and fiction are media content.

    google
    me·di·a1 /ˈmēdēə/ noun noun: media; plural noun: media; noun: the media
    1. plural form of medium.
    2. the main means of mass communication (esp. television, radio, newspapers, and the Internet) regarded collectively.

  8. 8
    Marcus Ranum

    God also invented abortion and teh gey!

  9. 9
    dingojack

    Since both ‘social’ and ‘media’ are Latin derived, god must have invented Romans before Adam & Eve then buried them in the back-yard (until they burrowed their way out, of course). Makes perfect, biblical, sense. @@
    Dingo
    ——-
    * ‘sociālis” and ‘media‘, respectively

  10. 10
    sigurd jorsalfar

    Funny how their timeless, perfect god seems so subject to ‘a time in history’. What took him so long to invent social media? What is it about social media that god decided to invent it in the 00′s but not in the 90′s or the 80s’ or the 70′s or sooner?

    Wait, why exactly did god invent it anyway? As a convenient way for MRAs to issue rape threats? The author compares social media with god communicating to Adam & Eve in the garden of Eden. Why can’t god continue to communicate in this way? Why did he have to go and invent fb and twitter? And now that he’s invented it, where exactly are his communications to the world?

    Too bad this article wasn’t written sooner. Anthony Weiner could have used it as a defence. “If god hadn’t wanted me to send unsolicited junk shots he wouldn’t have invented text messaging!!”

    Here’s my argument: God invented child pornography. I know that might sound like a crazy claim, but I have a biblical basis for believing this. Let’s break it down this way. The word pornography really just refers to information. Facts. Things that are true, or at least things that are thought to be true. And who can deny that God created children? Putting it together, child pornography simply refers to the sharing of information about children, God’s creation.

  11. 11
    raven

    And now that he’s invented it, where exactly are his communications to the world?

    God’s two most common messages these days are according to his self described prophets;

    1. God’s self appointed prophets need money so send it to them.

    2. Vote for the Tea Party.

    God is pretty boring.

  12. 12
    frankb

    Did God tell Adam and Eve about the snake? Did he tell them what lying is? Did he tell them what the punishment for disobedience was? Did he tell them why he made a forbidden object into the shape of a fruit tree and fruit and put it into an orchard? Did he tell them why he stood by while they were being fooled? Did god tell them what a crappy parent he was?

  13. 13
    doublereed

    Actually, this is an excellent demonstration of why denotation arguments and disputing definitions is stupid and pointless. Whenever people bring out a dictionary in an argument, that’s when you know you’re in for some stupid shit. Dictionaries are not relevant in arguments.

    The whole point of what he’s saying is that he’s stripping the words of their connotation, and then playing with them until he comes his conclusion. It’s fun, and you can make all sorts of silly arguments this way.

  14. 14
    Pierce R. Butler

    So why does God have to mooch money every week with a little basket, instead of collecting royalties from Zuckerberg and TwitCorp?

  15. 15
    Modusoperandi

    God gets all the Likes!

  16. 16
    Zeno

    Hence Genesis contains a little-recognized warning to all of us: Although God “friended” Adam and Eve, he was perfectly willing to lead them into temptation and the occasion of original sin. Actual friendship is not necessarily a component of social media “friendship.”

    Praise Jebus! (Or something like that.)

  17. 17
    peterh

    Aside from citing a collection of myths, “The word media really just refers to information.” is as wrong foot to start out on as one might wish for.

    @#5:

    The Jewish bible has had a variety of versification schemes; the New Testament wasn’t versified until the 15th Century.

  18. 18
    puppygod

    Funny how their timeless, perfect god seems so subject to ‘a time in history’. What took him so long to invent social media? What is it about social media that god decided to invent it in the 00′s but not in the 90′s or the 80s’ or the 70′s or sooner?

    It’s a little known fact that god, in fact, did invent social media in the 1970′.

    BC.

    It’s just that they never really caught on due to limitations of linear A transfer protocol.

  19. 19
    dingojack

    Actually ‘pornography’ is the writing of prostitutes. So god invented prostitution so his ‘followers’ could cyber-bully women they don’t like into feeling bad about their sexuality. Makes perfect biblical sense. @@
    Dingo

  20. 20
    david

    “There was a time in history when the only way information was shared was by conversation between people.”

    Yes, that would be all of history. The printing press, telecommunications, and the internet are just tools to allow us to share information between people. Other than between people, with whom else do we share information?

  21. 21
    Subtract Hominem, a product of Nauseam

    Hey, this game is fun!

    Let’s break it down this way. The word bridge really just refers to a card game. A specific card game. One that requires four players in two pairs. Draw is a word we used to refer to interactions between human beings in which none win or lose – otherwise known as ties. Putting it together, drawbridge simply refers to a card game that always results in stalemate.

  22. 22
    matty1

    Did he tell them what the punishment for disobedience was?

    He did but depending on the translation that may have been a lie.

    “From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die.”

    To be fair some translations omit the bit about dying that day, which would make it kind of true within the story. But most include it and since Adam and Eve lived long enough leaving Eden to have two sons it follows that God was lying about what the punishment was. Also note he did not apparently mention the bit about leaving the garden and having to work the land, which was the actual punishment imposed.

  23. 23
    cry4turtles

    I’d like to read the author’s take on god’s other “social” invention: social disease.

  24. 24
    dingojack

    God invented the French and so French pastries,’ French kissing’,’ French letters’ and the dreaded ‘French Disease’.
    Therefore ‘goddidit’. @@
    Idiocy incarnate.
    Dingo

  25. 25
    caseloweraz

    So god is just another human being…

  26. 26
    David Eriksen

    @matty1

    …Adam and Eve lived long enough leaving Eden to have two three sons…

    You’re forgetting about Seth.

  27. 27
    David Eriksen

    I’m wrong, too. In the 800 years of Adam’s life following the birth of Seth, he had “other sons and daughters.” [Gen 5:4]

    In any event, living to age 930 is not remotely comparable to dying on the day he ate the fruit.

  28. 28
    eyeroll

    Oh, how these people tie themselves up in knots!

  29. 29
    gardengnome

    These childish little comparisons are how they try to keep their god relevant in the changing world. At least he admits, in the first paragraph, that he’s preaching to the choir.

  30. 30
    spacejunkie

    God invented social media but didn’t patent it? What a loser!

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