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Dec 16 2013

WND Promises ‘Universe-Shattering’ Birther Revelation

The Worldnetdaily and fascist wingnut Sheriff Joe Arpaio continue to beat the dead horse of birtherism long after it had become a pile of glue. But now they’re promising a “universe-shattering” revelation from Arpaio’s investigation, which they conveniently can’t tell you about now.

The lead investigator in Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Cold Case Posse investigation of President Obama’s birth certificate says the case has taken a startling turn, and sheriff’s investigators now are assisting the Cold Case volunteers.

“When this information is finally exposed to the public, it will be universe-shattering,” Mike Zullo told WND. “This is beyond the pale of anything you can imagine.”

Zullo explained that because it’s an active investigation that could produce criminal charges, he’s unable to reveal details at the moment.

We’ll just add that one to the long list of times people like Glenn Beck have promised to expose things that will shake the very foundation of the country. I bet they found the time machine that George Soros and Saul Alinsky used to go back to 1961 and plant those fake birth announcements in Hawaiian newspapers.

31 comments

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  1. 1
    Loqi

    During the investigation, they discovered a most terrifying fact. Barack Obama is…brace yourselves…black. *shockhorror*

  2. 2
    sigurd jorsalfar

    To make sure no one tampers with this information before it is ready to be revealed to the public, it’s being stored in Al Capone’s vault.

  3. 3
    ragingapathy

    I trust, Ed, that you (or RightWingWatch on your behalf) will keep up with this so we can all be enlightened on the day (or some ensuing day) of The Big Reveal. I refuse to give them page hits, when plenty of others are monitoring them for me.

  4. 4
    busterggi

    I look forward to their evidence as presented by Melba Ketchem.

  5. 5
    Nick Gotts

    They’ve discovered that despite all Obama’s efforts to fool people in thinking he was born in Kenya by denying it and killing people in plane crashes, of heart attacks, etc.,, he was, in fact, born in Hawaii!

  6. 6
    Alverant

    Whose universe will be shattered I wonder.

  7. 7
    Chiroptera

    …Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Cold Case Posse….

    Jeez. Conservative organizations are even starting to sound like a reality show.

  8. 8
    Abby Normal

    Like the return of Jesus, proof of Obama’s ineligibility for POTUS is right around the corner. When it happens it will totally validate all those years of faith and vindicate the righteous believers over all those mean doubters who laughed and laughed and laughed and pointed and laughed some more. They will be revealed for the fools they are. Any day now. Just you wait. Yep, it could be this very minute… Or maybe tomorrow. He’s got the whole world, in His hand. He’s got the whole world, in His hand…

  9. 9
    unbound

    They need to wait their turn. Trump still has to give us his evidence. True that he’s a little late…but I’m sure it’s coming. A good, solid businessman like that wouldn’t lie to us, would he?

  10. 10
    rdmcpeek43

    I am truly embarrassed and ashamed to be living in Arizona (LAND OF THE LOONS), but the weather is quite nice. So I guess I’ll stay and suffer the embarrassment and shame.

  11. 11
    Marcus Ranum

    “Universe shattering”??? I hear that the black hole at Meissier 87 will possibly shut down for a whole 2 weeks ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Messier_87 ) because… it’s embarrassed that it sucks harder than Arpaio.

  12. 12
    John Hinkle

    Someone sold Sheriff Joe the flux capacitor to the time machine. He’s having it tested by his astrologer, and when the predetermined results come in, then it’ll be time to muster the Coldcuts Posse and have themselves a good ol’ fashioned lyn… er, impeachment.

  13. 13
    imthegenieicandoanything

    I look forward to what their next revelation will shatter.

  14. 14
    John Pieret

    universe-shattering

    Universe? Must involve outer space …

    GASP! They’ve finally caught on to the fact that Obama is one of those shape-shifting reptilian people who control our world! Call George Soros to initiate damage control!

  15. 15
    Moggie

    The modern American right has no sense of proportion. It’s almost a defining feature.

  16. 16
    magistramarla

    I’ll bet that he will claim to have “proof” that the death of that poor woman in the plane crash was the result of a conspiracy. As if her family needs to deal with such craziness.

  17. 17
    timgueguen

    OJ Simpson is Obama’s dad is probably their big revelation.

  18. 18
    Dr X

    Must be something like this.

  19. 19
    jnorris

    Even money they tell us that Loretta Fuddy, the director of Hawaii’s Department of Health, died on December 11.

  20. 20
    sundoga

    My guess is “universe shattering” stupidity.

  21. 21
  22. 22
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    @8. Abby Normal :

    He’s got the whole world, in His hand. He’s got the whole world, in His hand…

    Given how fast the Earth is moving that’s gotta hurt!

  23. 23
    dingojack

    chilidog99 – sure ol’ Joe isn’t actually saying: “No really. Pull my finger”.
    ;) Dingo

  24. 24
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    @18. Dr X : That was kinda disturbing – not the information so much as the violent assault. :-(

    (Know its a movie scene but still.)

  25. 25
    lclane2

    Maybe they’ve discovered the pope is Catholic.

  26. 26
    voidhawk

    ““This is beyond the pale of anything you can imagine.”

    Either Birthers have a reallyrubbish imagination or this is truly asonishing.

    I can imagine that barack Obama is a conglomorate of tentacled alien monsters projecting themselves into our world through an inter-dimensional portal maintained by Bill Clinton’s left eye socket with the intention of replacing all digestive biscuits in the world with an inferior brand manufactured on Mars 300 years from now and sent into the aliens’ dimension by linking the ley-lines of the red planet with the face of Mars. Furthermore, the aliens aren’t even American aliens.

    If this ‘universe-shattering’ announcement isn’t as breathlessly weird as this then don’t pretend to tell me that it’s beyond my imagination.

  27. 27
    jamessweet

    Wait… I can only think of one thing that both a) has to do with birth, and b) is well-known to create a paradox that causes the universe to shatter: Barack Obama is his own grandpa!!!!!

  28. 28
    caseloweraz

    “When this information is finally exposed to the public, it will be universe-shattering,” Mike Zullo told WND. “This is beyond the pale of anything you can imagine.”

    Should I quote Han Solo at this point? Nah…

    What this is, is that “President Obama” is an actor hired by Universal Studios to take the place of the real Obama, who is not from Kenya but from South Africa. He is in fact Nelson Mandela’s son, hence the affinity. Unfortunately, this son turned out badly. Raised during Mandela’s flirtation with communism, he rebelled, changed his name, and became a Muslim anti-communist. In adulthood he traveled throughout Africa joining and then betraying freedom movements — which is why so many dictatorships remain in the “Dark Continent.”

    Oh, and he was a womanizer too, and greedy for gold and diamonds. Rumor has it he was involved somehow with Pat Robertson.

    Mandela never knew any of this. Yes, he was a puppet of the Masters of Apartheid. They understood that once he died, the government he established in South Africa would fall apart and their hegemony would return.

    The real Obama was held for a time at Elmendorf AFB. But he broke out with the help of * and thanks to global warming melting the tundra, managed to kayak to the Chukchi Sea where he was picked up by a Tupamaro submarine. This took him to Uruguay where he became prominent in the movement but ultimately betrayed it. He is now at large somewhere in Brazil, outing natives who protest the cutting of the Amazon rain forest. His real aim is to foster global warming and destroy civilization, at which point he will emerge on top.

    And why did the GOP contract with Universal to hire a faux Obama? Simply to divert attention.
    —-
    * To reveal this name would result in my death. But it would be Earth-shaking — nay, multiverse-shaking!u

  29. 29
    freehand

    Maybe his message will be to his fell wingnuts: “Obama is a US citizen born in Hawaii. He was elected legally be a majority of citizens who voted. He is no more corrupt than the average Democrat, he is actually a conservative. Also, global warming is real and it’s our fault.”

    There’s actually, you know, evidence for those claims. I guarantee that 50,000,000 or so Americans would have their universe shattered.

  30. 30
    gog

    Maybe they unearthed all of those documents that Obama had sealed by court order. You know, those nonexistent ones.

  31. 31
    fixme

    What was Mr. Beck’s “We have documentation! We know EXACTLY who we’re dealing with!” revelation? Was that the same one as the “Its better coming from you!” revelation? Was there any follow up? Wouldn’t his followers notice that the balance of power wasn’t shaken to its core?

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