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Nov 26 2013

The Inevitable Result of Open Phone Lines

Here’s a hilarious call during a C-SPAN interview with David Wolman, author of a new book called The End of Money: Counterfeiters, Preachers, Techies, Dreamers–and the Coming Cashless Society. And the caller babbles on about the Illuminati, “portals in the ocean,” the alignment of the pyramids and the “governing of the stars.” It’s brilliantly incoherent.

15 comments

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  1. 1
    SC (Salty Current), OM

    He has impressive control of his facial expression.

  2. 2
    vmanis1

    So let me get this straight. Russia, Canada, and the U.S. are going to form a new league (the word sounded more like `leaflet’), and then the churches are going to pay their tithes directly to the U.S. federal government, at which point there will be earthquakes? Did I miss anything? (I don’t dare listen to it again, I don’t want to destroy more brain cells.)

    Mr Wolman needs to work on his smile-concealing skills a bit more. He was fairly deadpan, but as the call went on, I could see him beginning to lose it. After another 30 seconds, he might have been rolling on the floor, barking at the camera.

  3. 3
    colnago80

    I don’t listen to CSPAN but it is my understanding that the phone lins attract all manner of nutcases and racists. Apparently, the theory is let it all hang out.

  4. 4
    OverlappingMagisteria

    Here’s a transcript of the mess, as best as I could make out (yes, work is slow today. How did you know?):

    Ah yes, as she was stating, I wanna speak in some formats, and kinda like, going with the wind from here to there. But you will see the format that I’m coming to. And, uh, some of my educated words are not too well so I’m gonna do my best to show y’all what I’ve been drinking (thinking?)

    Uh… Russia and Canada and …uh… America, the tribe wars. There’s gonna be a different alignment. And America, in taking over this world, uh.. (correcting herself) not over this world but taking over with the war, there’s gonna be a new leaflet(?) formed and how this new leaflet(?)… you know this goes back to the Ancient Greeks and to the alignment of the pyramids. Uh, its gonna form a new testament that will wipe away some of the (indecipherable) for churches and some of the churches will end up in tithe paying their ten percent to the Federal Administration. And, well, the elite and the Illuminati, and the governing of the stars, and bringing it balancers, this will link us in the Universal Link. And also, as well, its portaled in the ocean that will bear more pressuring on the core which will cause earthquakes and reconstruct the zoning of oil.

  5. 5
    d.c.wilson

    Wow. Alex Jones would have thought that was incoherent.

  6. 6
    vmanis1

    Oh, I did miss the Universal Link (I’m not sure if this is related to the Great Link in Star Tek: Deep Space 9. That Link was a planetary puddle of goo that comprised an intelligent race of shapeshifters that thought they were a lot better than us `solids’. I retract that: there was nothing `solid’ about the caller.

  7. 7
    caseloweraz

    “Portals in the ocean which will cause more pressure on the core and reconstruct the zoning of oil…”

    Wow. “Brilliantly incoherent” captures it. But I was surprised to find it was a woman saying those things. That kind of gibberish usually comes from the male of the species. I recollect one time when I was duty NCO at Calumet AFS… But that’s a story for another time.

  8. 8
    Reginald Selkirk

    SC (Salty Current), OM #1: He has impressive control of his facial expression.

    He’s clearly a reptoid.

  9. 9
    David C Brayton

    Open mic nights can be a real hoot. Patton Oswalt does this story about a heroin addict that gets on stage. The addicts drifts in and out of consciousness and tells about four different stories each for twenty seconds at a time–kinda like a stream of consciousness/Quentin Tarantino film. One of the funniest routines I’ve ever heard from Patton.

  10. 10
    Sastra

    As Wolman stoically sat there blinking I imagined his internal mental stream

    “Okay … okay… CNN question … where’s the question? What she’s been thinking … okay. All right. Where’s this going? Russia, Canada … alignment? What th — “ancient Greeks and alignment of the pyramids?” Oh shit. Shit shit SHIT. CNN. My book. And here it goes … My fan. Wow. Illuminati. The Universal fucking Link. My book on CNN … and so much for any potential readers fucking waste of time now … Wolman and his conspiracy book god damn it to HELL help me out here please someone I will sell nothing nothing nothing….”

    Heheh. Poor guy.

  11. 11
    Michael Heath

    An honor student from the Sarah Palin School of Journalism.

  12. 12
    chilidog99

    you all have better ears than me. I couldn’t understand more than one word in 20.

  13. 13
    Loqi

    Do the pyramids change alignment often?

  14. 14
    Ichthyic

    Do the pyramids change alignment often?

    as often as the underwater portals put pressure on the core.

    duh.

  15. 15
    whirligig

    I distinctly heard references to “Link” and the “Triforce”. She’s trying to warn us that Ganondorf is coming to steal our princesses!

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