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I Am the New Sylvia Browne

Famed “psychic” Sylvia Browne is dead, which she did not include in her 2013 predictions for the year. She was supposed to be in Michigan a few weeks ago at, of all places, a casino, but she canceled due to health problems. Claiming to be in poor health turns out to be the only true thing she’s ever said. From her website:

World renowned spiritual teacher, psychic icon, author, and lecturer Sylvia Celeste Browne passed away at 7:10am this morning (Wednesday, November 20) at Good Samaritan Hospital in San Jose, CA. Born October 19, 1936, Browne was 77 years old.

For nearly six decades, Sylvia Browne dedicated her life to helping others as a spiritual guide through private readings, past-life regressions and prayer groups that spanned the globe.

Let me translate that from fraudulent bullshit to reality: For nearly six decades, Sylvia Browne was a financial and emotional vampire, sucking the life and money out of desperate and heartbroken people by lying to them.

But now the good news. Now that Sylvia’s spirit guides no longer have an outlet, they contacted me and I’ll be taking over for Sylvia. I’ll be touring the country and fleecing the ignorant and the credulous communicating with people to tell them what their dead relatives want for them, if I can get the spirit guides to be a little more cooperative than they’re being right now. I asked them where I should start the tour and they said, “We’re thinking of a city that has an M in it.” Cheeky bastards.

Too soon?

Comments

  1. zenlike says

    She apparently predicted she was going to die at 88. Woops! (Via PZ)

    Did she ever make a prediction that was not 100% bullshit? It amazes me she was one of the more famous ones, since she seems so bad at even the basic cold reading stuff. There are dozens like her who are more convincing (not that they are right though), plus, unlike some others who seem to believe their own bs, Browne is such an obvious fraud.

  2. Artor says

    Too soon? Not soon enough! I work my ass off to scrape by, building things of value for my customers. It’s offensive and wrong that someone like Sylvia Brown can make millions and live like a queen by selling lies to vulnerable people.

  3. caseloweraz says

    World renowned spiritual teacher, psychic icon, author, and lecturer Sylvia Celeste Browne passed away at 7:10am this morning (Wednesday, November 20) at Good Samaritan Hospital in San Jose, CA.

    Whoa — that’s the city I live in. I thought she resided on the east coast, or down in L.A. or thereabouts.

  4. tbp1 says

    Aside from the fact that psychic powers do not exist, I’ve never understood her success. She was not an attractive personality, completely lacking in any charisma that I could see. She didn’t even put on a good show of caring about her victims. I always felt the same way about John Edward, who is about as appealing as a bowl of two-day-old oatmeal. Some of the “psychics” at least have some pizazz and an interesting shtick.

  5. tfkreference says

    “We’re thinking of a city that has an M in it.”

    If the city turns out to be Minneapolis, I’ll be happy to be a shill (though I work on percentage, not scale).

  6. Sastra says

    tbp1 #5 wrote:

    Aside from the fact that psychic powers do not exist, I’ve never understood her success. She was not an attractive personality, completely lacking in any charisma that I could see.

    I think that once spiritual people consider you “on their side” they not only forgive a lot, they reframe “abrasive and unpleasant” into “straight-talking and down-to-earth.” She told them what they wanted to hear (“There are no mosquitoes in Heaven!”) and she said it with a lot of confidence.

  7. Trebuchet says

    Her con-artist son will no doubt be channeling her any day now, if he isn’t already. She’s not dead, she’s just speaking through a different medium.

    Sorry.

  8. felidae says

    I’d like to see an obit writer somewhere to write: “Sylvia Browne, noted psychic and seer, passes away recently from an unforeseen illness”

  9. dfarmer1584 says

    Too soon?

    Of course not. Mammalian bodies cool remarkably fast after death. Browne is stone cold now after four days; so you waited considerate interval before speaking the truth about her.

  10. rowanvt says

    @caseloweaz-

    Hello other-local-person! I was quite surprised to learn she died *here*. Makes some sense though as she started out in Campbell before becoming super famous.

  11. says

    Poetic justice would be Ms. Cl–er, I mean, Sylvia Brown dying intestate. Really, truly poetic justice would be her will cutting out her son and others and leaving all of the money to the JREF. NOBODY could have seen that one coming!

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