Quantcast

«

»

Nov 22 2013

Barton Really Doesn’t Like Starbucks

A few months ago David Barton declared that because Starbucks takes liberal positions on things like marriage equality, it’s unbiblical to drink their coffee. Now he says that if you do drink Starbucks, you’re palling around with the “enemies of God” and he’ll punish you for it:

God does draw a distinction, sometimes that’s called holiness or sanctification or whatever theological terms you want to use, but there is right behavior and wrong behavior. And one of the things God makes really clear is you’re not to be helping the bad guys advance their agenda which is against God.

Sometimes we do that without realizing that we do it. We’re kind of really ignorant of sometimes the people we help and what they stand for and so we’ve got a guest on today that’s giving us a really high-tech tool to help us understand whether certain companies or groups or people are absolute enemies of God; now, I’m not talking about people who differ with us theologically on this point or that, I’m talking about the whole value system, people who reject God’s value system across the board and if we go help them, then we’re in trouble with God because we’re helping the enemies. It’d be like an act of treason if this were a military term, but to do that spiritually, you can’t go join the enemies of God and expect God to bless you on all the values and all the things he said was right and wrong.

I think Barton may be on the Biggby payroll. But as I pointed out years ago, the list of companies that get perfect stores on equality from the Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index is huge and it includes most major companies. So if you really want to boycott all the companies that God doesn’t like, you pretty much have to become Amish.

29 comments

Skip to comment form

  1. 1
    grumpyoldfart

    Now he says that if you do drink Starbucks, you’re palling around with the “enemies of God” and he’ll punish you for it:

    Moses, David, Daniel, Jesus, Paul, and many other biblical characters gained favor with God because they were brave enough to confront the enemy. I guess (as Barton would probably say) “things were different in those days.”

  2. 2
    dingojack

    ‘Now he [Barton] says that if you do drink Starbucks, you’re palling around with the “enemies of God” and he’ll punish you for it:”‘

    By making you drink the mud-slurry* they call coffee, presumably.

    “… we’ve got a guest on today that’s giving us a really high-tech tool to help us understand whether certain companies or groups or people are absolute enemies of God;… ”

    Hope it doesn’t run Windows, Andriod, Linux, Java or use Intel processors inside, ’cause that’d make baby Jesus drink a Starbucks coffee to end his life (it’s marginally preferable to crucifixion, but only just).

    Dingo
    ——-
    * Well it should taste like mud – it was only ground this morning! [half-assed drum-fill]

  3. 3
    greg1466

    one of the things God makes really clear

    I really hate that line. It is wrong in so many ways. If God makes anything clear, why are there basically as many flavors of Christianity as there are Christians? But let’s take a step back. Please point out a single instance of when God has made anything clear? As opposed to an instance of when someone asserted that an old book of questionable authorship claims that God made something clear. When God actually shows up and gives a TED talk, then you can talk about what he’s made clear.

  4. 4
    ragingapathy

    Well, I strongly prefer Trader Joe’s coffee but apparently I’m still in God’s doghouse, if one looks at how that company spends its political money.

  5. 5
    Randide, Mais il faut cultiver notre jardin

    I think Barton may be on the Biggby payroll.

    That was a limited-audience joke. You’re apparently on the Google payroll.

    Not that I gave you my web-search nickel. My ex is actually on the Biggby payroll.

  6. 6
    dingojack

    I read it as ‘being on the bigotry payroll’. (I’m a stupid foreigner [IASF], after all)
    :D Dingo

  7. 7
    whirligig

    So if you really want to boycott all the companies that God doesn’t like, you pretty much have to become Amish.

    Even then, you can’t accept butter from the Hershbergers; Brother Abram was once overheard saying “Eh, I guess the gays are okay.”

  8. 8
    Alverant

    Inside the Ogllevie (sp) train station in Chicago there’s a Starbucks next to a Dunkin Donuts. This morning while I walked past them the line for Starbucks was out into the hall and partially blocked the entrance to the Dunkin. I don’t know why people weren’t saving time by going into the DD for their coffee. Maybe they just want to piss God and Barton off.

  9. 9
    democommie

    “Now he [Barton] says that if you do drink Starbucks, you’re palling around with the “enemies of God” and he’ll punish you for it:”‘

    I have to assume that Davy is including the open carry gunzelz out there in Calilalaland; if not he’d better issue a clarification afore they blast his worthless varmint carcass to hell and beyond.

  10. 10
    jnorris

    After reading the Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index, I want to know how Mr Barton uses the Internet without having his God smiting him constantly.

  11. 11
    Modusoperandi

    He’s right. I went to Starbucks and God punished me by making me sit down there with my laptop and write a screenplay. It’s awful.

  12. 12
    Loqi

    I hate coffee of any variety, but it would piss off Barton, I’d walk to Starbucks, buy the biggest cup they sell, and and just pour it out. Or better yet, give it to a homeless person. It’s starting to get cold out, after all.

    @MO – the screenplay, or being forced to write it in a Starbucks?

  13. 13
    raven

    Needs more demons. Demons are very in these days among the superstitious fundie groups.

    Procter & Gamble – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    en. wikipedia .org/wiki/Procter_&_Gamble‎

    alluded to in the aforementioned verse, thus construing the logo to be satanic. … The moon-and-stars logo was discontinued in 1985 because of the controversy.

    For decades the fundies have been spreading rumors that Procter and Gamble is run by satanists. They once sued a death cult minister for libel and won. Those rumors are still going around but at least they aren’t on TV shows any more.

    Fundies have to hate. No hate = no fundie xianity

    This is so important that some of their hate targets are as imaginary as their religion.

  14. 14
    Larry

    Starbucks’ stock is up about 45% from a year ago.

    You got any more companies your god hates, Barton?

  15. 15
    karmacat

    Coffee is the work of satan (damn gastric reflux and insomnia) but oh, so good.

  16. 16
    caseloweraz

    Was that screenplay about how God punishes people who drink coffee at Starbucks?

  17. 17
    Sastra

    One of the many factors which helped jump start the Enlightenment back in the 18th century were coffeehouses, informal clubs which sprung up in metropolitan areas where the middle and upper classes would gather to drink coffee, learn the news, and argue about anything and everything. Pubs tended to get rowdy. But the coffeehouses created an atmosphere where reasoned discussion was welcomed and encouraged — and one didn’t need to be an aristocrat. The roots of democracy, science, human rights, and free thought.

    Kinda ironic that Barton has his undies in a bundle over coffeehouses.

  18. 18
    Modusoperandi

    LoqiM “@MO – the screenplay, or being forced to write it in a Starbucks?”
    The screenplay and Starbucks. It takes place in a Starbucks.

    caseloweraz “Was that screenplay about how God punishes people who drink coffee at Starbucks?”
    It’s about a loose-cannon screen play…ist… who plays by his own rules. He’s got a screen play…er… partner who’s too old for this shit. Together, they’re lethal weapons.
    I call it, “Lethal Weapons”.

  19. 19
    Al Dente

    Don’t worry, Burton, Chick-Fil-A serves coffee. You can get your caffeine fix at a place which supports proper Biblical hating.

  20. 20
    magistramarla

    Mmmmm – I’m reading this as I enjoy my second cup of Starbucks coffee this morning.
    It’s a nice medium strong coffee with caramel flavoring added.
    The creamer is brown butter with vanilla.
    We only brew Starbucks coffee here at home, and when we’re traveling, my job as navigator is to find Starbucks coffee houses for our breaks.
    We are very, very happy to support the godless Starbucks corporation.

  21. 21
    twincats

    I’m with you, magistramarla! Starbucks was one of the first places I had access to after falling (and falling hard) for cappuccino while stationed in Italy in the roaring 80′s that actually made a reasonable facsimile. They were my rock in a (U.S.) world that offered precious few outlets for decent cappuccino and had never even heard of tiramisu. HORRORS!*

    Even though I consider myself a coffee snob**, I still think Starbucks is a fine place to get coffee. Are there better places? Sure, but good enough is much preferable to none at all!

    *It was at this point I began to realize why some Europeans consider Americans to be somewhat uncivilized.

    **I drink most of my coffee black (and it’s gotta be hot, nunna this frozen coffee drink nonsense) and deem coffee wastage a sin much akin to the oft-joked-about “alcohol abuse” of spilling or pouring out.

  22. 22
    BrianX

    Loqi:

    You don’t have to drink coffee, you know. The teas and hot chocolate are also very good.

  23. 23
    freehand

    Hope it doesn’t run Windows, Andriod, Linux, Java or use Intel processors inside, ’cause that’d make baby Jesus drink a Starbucks coffee to end his life (it’s marginally preferable to crucifixion, but only just).

    Dingo

    Of course any computer running Linux or BSD (e.g. Apple stuff) are run by daemons. Many of the important computers (e.g. DNS servers) used for the internet run some variety of UNIX.

    Also, I’m with twincats. Sure, Starbucks has killed off some local good coffeeshops, but they also provide acceptable coffee pretty much anywhere in the US, and are largely responsible for introducing many Yanks of a certain age to decent coffee.

  24. 24
    spamamander, internet amphibian

    You’ll get my quad venti mocha when you pry it from my cold, dead, not-yet- caffeinated hands.

  25. 25
    captainkhan

    From the way it’s phrased at first I thought you meant Barton would punish them.

  26. 26
    skinnercitycyclist

    @twincats, I had a similar experience being stationed in Germany, ’82-’84. Try swilling fine German beer of every variety and coming back to the US and having someone hand you a Miller, or a Bud. Within a couple years of my discharge I had discovered the incipient Northwest microbrews and never looked back.

  27. 27
    dingojack

    Twincats & freehand: – My deepest sympathies for having been fooled into thinking Starbucks serves anything even vaguely resembling coffee (good or otherwise).
    Middle-Eastern coffee, now that’s the way I like it. Short, thick, black, hot and bitter, with a glass of water and a backlava on the side (or HK coffee, needs must)*, but Starbucks? Like copulating in a canoe*..
    Dingo
    ———–
    * Give me 1,3,7 Trimethyl – N Purine – 2,6 dione or give me Tea (if you must). ;)
    ** Don’t get me started on American (commercially produced) domestic beers.

  28. 28
    davem

    if you do drink Starbucks, you’re palling around with the “enemies of God” and he’ll punish you for it:

    I’d have thought that the prices they charge would be sufficient punishment. For the price of one drink, you can buy a decent pack of coffee beans to grind at home.

  29. 29
    Crimson Clupeidae

    “…Short, thick, black, hot and bitter…”

    Just like my….nah, that joke’s too obvious. :p

Leave a Reply

Switch to our mobile site