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Sarah Palin Has a New Book

I mentioned a while back that Sarah Palin has a new book coming out about the glories of Christmas and those evil liberal grinches who allegedly want to destroy it and rip all religious meaning from it. That book comes out this week but Dan Amira of New York magazine got the audio version a few days early and has some, uh, highlights. This kind of sums up his review:

For religious conservatives, howling over the so-called “war on Christmas” has become an annual holiday tradition almost as enjoyable as Christmas itself. On Tuesday, Sarah Palin seeks to capitalize on the phenomenon with the release of her newest book, Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas. Daily Intelligencer purchased the Palin-narrated audiobook from a local bookstore, where it was on sale early, and listened to all four-and-a-half hours, which is technically not a violation of the Geneva Convention if you’re getting paid to do it, New York’s legal team insists.

And to make things doubly amusing, he selects a bunch of the choicest quotes from the book and provides the audio clips. All you have to do is click on the ornaments on the Christmas tree to hear Palin lend her incredibly annoying voice to gems like this:

An angry atheist with a lawyer is one of the most powerful persons in America.

And this:

I bet Charles Darwin never understood this: If the world could be described as truly survival-of-the-fittest, why would people collectively be stricken with the spirit of generosity in December?

Um. What…I mean…seriously? She said that? In public?

It is Christ who empowers every act of goodwill toward men in our otherwise fallen hearts.

Um, what? What about all the atheists who act with goodwill toward others every day? Or any of the other billions of people who not only don’t worship Jesus but likely have never heard of him? Oh, wait…they aren’t likely to buy this book or to exist in the minds of those who do, so never mind them.

Many on the left see faith and family as oppressive, but the right sees them as indispensable.

Really? What about faith in Islam? Or Hinduism? Is that indispensable? And what about families headed by gay people? Oh, right. Screw them.

Perhaps Christmas causes so much anger because the very name of the holiday broadcasts the name above all names.

To whom, exactly, does Christmas cause so much alleged anger? Virtually every atheist I know celebrates Christmas with their families, they just do so without caring a bit about the religious content. Challenging nativity scenes on public property is not about anger, it’s about reducing Christian privilege and exclusive access to public property. Lots of Christians strongly support the separation of church and state too, even while they celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday.

But you know who really did get angry about Christmas? The Puritans that Palin no doubts think are the very model of Christian virtue. They forbid the celebration of Christmas at times in the colonies they controlled because it was a pagan holiday and an insult to God if you celebrated it. They were so angry about it that they would throw you in jail for celebrating it.

So are you ready for some good, old-fashioned words? Here are some: work, honesty, courage, justice, thrift, perseverance.

Okay, seriously. Did the woman who quit her job as governor really just try to pose as an exemplar or work and perseverance? Did the woman who wouldn’t know the truth if it crawled up her pantleg, perched on her ass and yodeled the Ave Maria just advocate honesty? Did the woman who supports a huge range of policies that make justice impossible try to sell herself as a fan of justice? Why yes. Yes she did.

Has there ever been a more ridiculous political figure than Sarah Palin?

Comments

  1. says

    What about faith in Islam? Or Hinduism? Is that indispensable?

    Yes, it is, as long as those faithful join with the Christian faithful in bashing gays, women, atheists, Pagans, and anyone else who might threaten all of their con-games by exposing them to rational enquiry.

  2. Augustus Carp says

    Well… I guess there is one bit of good news in all this: It seems like someone has managed to teach her to write (after a fashion), and bearing in mind the unpromising material, that is quite an achievement

  3. blf says

    Has there ever been a more ridiculous political figure than Sarah Palin?

    Confining ourselves to recent USAlienstan nutters, Dick Cheney ?

  4. John Pieret says

    Has there ever been a more ridiculous political figure than Sarah Palin?

    Wait a minute! That’s a trick question isn’t it? In a world that contains Louie Gohmert, Steve King, Darrell Issa, Ken Cuccinelli, Rick Santorum, Michele Bachmann, and a host of others, we’re supposed to decide which is more ridiculous?

  5. eric says

    It is Christ who empowers every act of goodwill toward men in our otherwise fallen hearts.

    Because good will didn’t exist B.C., dontcha know.

  6. colnago80 says

    Re John Pieret @ @#4

    Let’s not forget the (not) estimable E. W. Jackson, unsuccessful candidate for lieutenant governor of Virginia.

  7. Mr Ed says

    I for one am glad that someone is selling a book just before Christmas about getting back to religious Christmas and away from commercial Christmas. Sell, sell, sell that’s all those libs do, well sell, sell, sell and destroy capitalism.

  8. dingojack says

    Augustus Carp – awww bless you. You actually think Sarah wrote this drivel? She got half way through the first word, before discovering that it was too hard, and so she quit.
    A ghost writer did the rest.
    Dingo

  9. Randomfactor says

    To whom, exactly, does Christmas cause so much alleged anger?

    Well, there are those Christians who’ve been callously wished a “Happy Holiday.”

  10. raven says

    It seems like someone has managed to teach her to write (after a fashion),…

    It might have been ghost written. This is not uncommon for books written by public figures to cash in on their fame. Or heavily edited by someone who took an English course.

    Sigh. Fundies don’t have holidays. They have Wars on Holidays. The War on Xmas and the War on the War on Xmas starts earlier every year. I still haven’t gotten my all dinosaur Nativity scene up and running.

    And then it is on to The War on the Spring Equinox aka Easter.

  11. John Pieret says

    Let’s think this through: Without God as an objective standard, who’s to say what’s wrong and what’s right?

    Let’s really think this through: Without someone to tell us objectively which of the many competing gods and competing rules of what’s wrong and what’s right, we’re still up shit’s creek with the only paddle being a secular democratic state where what’s wrong and what’s right results from a consensus of the public, fairly arrived at, and with protections for the rights of minorities.

  12. blf says

    It seems like someone has managed to teach her to write…

    There’s a song about that, Ghost Writers in the Pay (with apologies to composer Stan Jones and the numerous artistes who have performed the actual song).

  13. Augustus Carp says

    Dingojack – Bless you too… and Raven. It simply never occurred to me that she might, just possibly, have used a ghost writer. Us Brits are so easily taken in

  14. rabbitscribe says

    “But you know who really did get angry about Christmas? The Puritans that Palin no doubts think are the very model of Christian virtue. They forbid the celebration of Christmas at times in the colonies they controlled because it was a pagan holiday and an insult to God if you celebrated it. They were so angry about it that they would throw you in jail for celebrating it.”

    David Barton’s new book debunks that. If it weren’t for the buckles on the hats it would be impossible to distinguish a Puritan from a modern Southern Baptist. Barton has uncovered original source material jotted on the back of a Chinese carry-out menu that will revolutionize our understanding of the period.

  15. pocketnerd says

    Tea Party Barbie sez:

    It is Christ who empowers every act of goodwill toward men in our otherwise fallen hearts.

    Ed Brayton responds:

    Um, what? What about all the atheists who act with goodwill toward others every day? Or any of the other billions of people who not only don’t worship Jesus but likely have never heard of him? Oh, wait…they aren’t likely to buy this book or to exist in the minds of those who do, so never mind them.

    No, no, no. See, when a heathen commits an act of goodwill, he’s doing it just to feel good about himself or “buy his way into Heaven” — it’s really just a rarefied form of selfishness. But when Real True Christians™ do good deeds, it’s because they’re being all humble and self-abasing and pious (even when this pious, self-abasing humility comes with all the fanfare of an imperial proclamation).

    It’s another “heads we win, tails you lose” thing.

    Augustus Carp sez:

    Well… I guess there is one bit of good news in all this: It seems like someone has managed to teach her to write (after a fashion), and bearing in mind the unpromising material, that is quite an achievement

    Alternate hypothesis: She merely hired a better ghostwriter.

  16. Loqi says

    Are you ready for some other good, old-fashioned words? Lamppost, stapler, cantrip, sausage, chair, bobcat, honeydew melon.

    This is the logical conclusion of the trend toward littering statements with often irrelevant buzz words and dog whistles. Eventually, they just stop bothering to form sentences at all.

  17. John Pieret says

    colnago80 @ 7:

    I did think of including Ol’ Eeew but the list was getting rather long. How could I include Eeew and not include Christine O’Donnell? And if I included Christine O’Donnell, how could I not include Todd Akin and if I … Well you get the idea.

  18. coffeehound says

    Dan Amira of New York magazine got the audio version a few days early

    Uh uh. I’m waiting for the deluxe version with the pop up finger puppets of Jesus and Liberty.

  19. jws1 says

    @#12: Let’s really really think this through – if you have to told what’s right and what’s wrong, you’re not a moral person in any real sense.

  20. says

    Let’s think this through: Without God as an objective standard, who’s to say what’s wrong and what’s right?

    It’s been a long time since my Ethical Philosophy course, and I’ve had a lot of internet conversations that have reshuffled my use of terms, but isn’t Divine Command Theory considered an inherently subjective and arbitrary form of morality? It’s all based on arbitrary favoritism towards one entity’s personal preferences. Even if you think its presumed clarity is a selling point, chaos and confusion ensue when you try to take in account that there is no consensus on the nature of this supposed god. DCT is founded on ether, not bedrock.

    Meanwhile, secular morality can be based on the observable effects an action has on the all the people involved and how the likely consequences match up with their desires. Since humans have a lot of basic desires in common, there is a firm basis for a consensus to build upon.

  21. wscott says

    Dear Christians: Do you want Christmas to be an explicitly religious holiday? Then stop complaining when non-Christians don’t celebrate it and wish you Happy Holidays instead. Or do you want it to be a cultural celebration that everyone can enjoy? OK, then stop complaining about the secularization of Christmas.
    .
    Pick one; I really don’t care which. (OK, I sorta care, because I like Christmas.) But you can’t have it both ways.

  22. says

    Oh, and since I forgot a point in my rant, from now on, I’m going to say the following whenever I encounter someone ranting about the “War on Christmas.”

    “Talking about a so-called “War on Christmas” is a transparent deflection of the issue. The issue is about totalitarians using the government as a tool of social intimidation and coercion against non-Christians. It’s a war on theocracy and conformity, and the deflection exists because these people prefer retreating into self-serving persecution fantasies over honest debate and admission of wrongdoing.”

  23. Larry says

    It seems like someone has managed to teach her to write (after a fashion)

    Get real. There isn’t enough room on the palms of both of her hands to contain all the words in that book.

  24. says

    “Let’s think this through: Without God as an objective standard, who’s to say what’s wrong and what’s right?”

    Yes, let’s think this through, Sarah. Having been baptized into the Catholic Church, and having rejected that Church for a schismatic sect, you are under automatic excommunication and, objectively speaking, based on God’s objective morality as known most purely and objectively to the One True and Universal Church, you are definitely going to hell unless you renounce your sect, meet all Catholic Church demands for repentance and have a Catholic bishop lift your excommunication.

  25. busterggi says

    Its actually unfair to use those quotes from the book against Palin as she didn’t write them, her paid stand-in did. Oh sure she voiced the audio book but you know she wasn’t listening to herself so you can’t even claim she actually read it.

  26. cjcolucci says

    To all appearances, Sarah Palin has now written — for certain rather loose definitions of “written” — more books than she has read.

  27. tassilo says

    I can’t conceive of anything wanting to yodel Ave Maria on Sarah’s ass; or: there’s no truth in her pants.

  28. smrnda says

    Thrift, you know, that virtue that millionaires and billionaires who spend several thousand on a hair-cut are so eager to promote as a solution for the money troubles of poor people.

    I, for one, have a longstanding tradition of working on Xmas.

  29. caseloweraz says

    Interestingly, on Amazon there are 8 five-star reviews and 8 one-star reviews.

    The best one-star review is by “Arken.” It begins this way: “Finally after millennia of trying to get to the crux of our human condition, a mind of ultimate wisdom powered by a voice of persuasive eloquence brings us the single greatest work to come out of the Western tradition.”

    :D

  30. cptdoom says

    @10 Randomfactor – oh but the goddess of resignation (at least where there’s work involved) has a bon mot for that situation as well: “Because hearing a word you don’t want to hear is a big frickin’ deal.”

    Of course, she was referring to the horrible atheists who don’t want to hear the word “Christmas,” NOT the idiot right-wingers who find the term “holidays” an abomination in the face of the Lord. Isn’t that distinction clear?

    @28 Dr. X – My sentiments exactly. I, as a confirmed Roman Catholic, should not have to hear a Satan-worshipping blasphemer who got knocked up before she was “married” (marriage outside the Church not being too valid, donchaknow?) and has a bastard grandchild talk about morality.

  31. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Palin’s statement that:

    It is Christ who empowers every act of goodwill toward men in our otherwise fallen hearts.

    reminded me of this passage from CS Lewis’ The Last Battle:

    I said, Alas, Lord, I am no son of thine but the servant of Tash. He answered, Child, all the service thou hast done to Tash, I account as service done to me.

    Then by reasons of my great desire for wisdom and understanding, I overcame my fear and questioned the Glorious One and said, Lord, is it then true, as the Ape said, that thou and Tash are one? The Lion growled so that the earth shook (but his wrath was not against me) and said, It is false. Not because he and I are one, but because we are opposites, I take to me the services which thou hast done to him. For I and he are of such different kinds that no service which is vile can be done to me, and none which is not vile can be done to him.

    Therefore if any man swear by Tash and keep his oath for the oath’s sake, it is by me that he has truly sworn, though he know it not, and it is I who reward him. And if any man do a cruelty in my name, then, though he says the name Aslan, it is Tash whom he serves and by Tash his deed is accepted. Dost thou understand, Child? I said, Lord, thou knowest how much I understand. But I said also (for the truth constrained me), Yet I have been seeking Tash all my days. Beloved, said the Glorious One, unless thy desire had been for me thou shouldst not have sought so long and so truly. For all find what they truly seek.

    What someone else did something good or someone baptized into the TrueFaith did something evil? Easy peasy: all good was done by/for the big G. All evil was done by/for the big S.

    How great a god does she have that can take credit even for the good done by pagans and atheists?

    That’s some ballsy god she’s got there. Ballsy.

  32. Acolyte of Sagan says

    29.
    bbgunn
    November 12, 2013 at 2:29 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

    Sarah Palin Has a New Book

    Do I need my box of 24, 48 or 64 crayons?

    Dammit! Beaten to the punchline.
    So glad I read the comments before posting my own.

    So, the CIA has the George Bush Centre for Intelligence; there’s the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum; Sarah Palin is a published author.
    And they say Americans don’t do irony!

  33. Acolyte of Sagan says

    33.
    smrnda
    November 12, 2013 at 4:24 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

    Thrift, you know, that virtue that millionaires and billionaires who spend several thousand on a hair-cut are so eager to promote as a solution for the money troubles of poor people.

    In the same vein, rather than forcing the energy companies to stop imposing price rises way above the rate of inflation onto the British public, our dear leader, multi-millionaire, trust-fund Tory boy Cameron has instead advised the elderly, poor, and needy to ‘pop on an extra sweater’ when the temperature drops.
    That kind of thrift?

  34. Acolyte of Sagan says

    Colnago, #39.

    Carl. Nobody else ever made the science of the Cosmos as understandable as he did without either dumbing it down or being patronising.
    To be honest I hadn’t heard of Francois until just now. On googling the name, it appears that I’ve got a lot of reading to do. Sincerely, thank you for putting her onto my radar.

  35. says

    Let’s not leave “thrift” out of the virtues that Palin exemplifies. She blew at least $150,000 of other people’s money on clothing and accessories during the 2008 campaign. Cheap!

  36. dingojack says

    Acolyte of Sagan – As your fellow countryman, Augustus Carp, noted; “Us Brits are so easily taken in.”*
    ;) Dingo
    ———-
    * Weeeee – quotemining is fun!

  37. Nick Gotts says

    In a world that contains Louie Gohmert, Steve King, Darrell Issa, Ken Cuccinelli, Rick Santorum, Michele Bachmann, and a host of others, we’re supposed to decide which is more ridiculous? – john Pieret@4

    Let’s think this through: Without God as an objective standard, who’s to say what’s wrong and what’s right which of them is most ridiculous?

  38. says

    “Without God as an objective standard, who’s to say what’s wrong and what’s right?”

    This sounds like fun. Which god should we go for?

    Ba’al, Moloch, Pele, Kali….

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