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OMG! Obama Tried to Nuke South Carolina!

This is actually a couple weeks old, but I somehow missed it when it bubbled up from the fever swamps of the right wing fringe (if there is such a thing as a fringe on the right anymore). Several Tea Party and survivalist websites are claiming that Obama gave orders to the military to drop a nuclear bomb on Charleston, South Carolina and then fired the officers when they refused.

A shocking new Main Intelligence Directorate (GRU) report circulating in the Kremlin today states that President Barack Obama, while in a rage, ousted four of the United States top ranking military officers after they refused to detonate a nuclear device “in/near” Charleston, South Carolina this past week and, instead, exploded it off the Atlantic Coast.

Critical to note, this report says, are that many warnings to this atomic blast were given prior it 8 October, including to the highly influential Infowars.com website who on 3 September reported:

“A high level source inside the military has now confirmed to us that Dyess Air Force base is actively moving nuclear warheads to the East Coast of the United States in a secret transfer that has no paper trail.

The Tea Party Command Center, which seems to adore Jerome Corsi of the Worldnetdaily, went even further:

A chilling Ministry of Defense (MoD) report circulating in the Kremlin today confirms that the Strategic Missile Forces (SMF) sudden, unannounced and successful firing of a Topol ballistic missile into the Sary-Shagan testing ground in Kazakhstan last Thursday (10 October) was in “direct response” to President Barack Obama’s attempt to destroy Charleston, South Carolina in what military intelligence analysts state was an attempted “ false flag attack.”

As we had previously reported, the SMF notified both President Putin and the General Staff this past Tuesday (8 October) that at 01:58:11 GMT/UTC an atomic device was exploded in the seabed off the US Atlantic Ocean, barely 1,000 km (620 miles) from Charleston, causing a 4.5 magnitude earthquake measurement that SMF experts equate to being a 1-kiloton yield, which is equal to the power of 1,000 tons of TNT.

Previous warnings about Obama’s planned false flag attack on Charleston had been leaked to numerous global organizations including Infowars.com, France’s highly respected dedefensa.org, and caused US Senator Lindsey Graham to cryptically tell his fellow South Carolinians that they were under the threat of a “terrorist nuclear attack.”
Obama’s response to his militaries failure to carry out this false flag attack, the Main Intelligence Directorate (GRU) reported, was his immediate dismissal of Americans top two military nuclear commanders, US Navy Vice Admiral Tim Giardina and US Air Force Major General Michael Carey, and two of the US Marines top officers, Major General Charles M. Gurganus and Major General Gregg A. Sturdevant.

So let me get this straight. Obama ordered the military to nuke an American city and failed, and in retaliation (for what?) the Russians fired off a missile in Kazakhstan? And Obama fired the top military commanders for refusing to nuke Charleston, but none of them have come forward and told the story? Is there any story the wingnuts won’t swallow whole without a shred of evidence as long as it makes Obama look bad?

Comments

  1. busterggi says

    This must have been the quietest, most invisible nuclear explosion ever for it to have gone completely unseen & unheard.

    Good thing the born-again Birchers of the TP have the Russians to trust for accurate information thanks to their love for Rootin-tootin Putin..

  2. raven says

    including to the highly influential Infowars.com website

    Infowars is Alex Jones web site.

    It’s neither highly credible or highly influential.

    I’m not buying any of this until it makes the mainstream lunatic fringe sites. WND and Glenn Beck.

  3. bushrat says

    “Is there any story the wingnuts won’t swallow whole without a shred of evidence as long as it makes Obama look bad?”

    The answer is NO! As a matter of fact the crazier the better.

  4. says

    So, the military commanders decided to disobey orders to nuke Charleston, but they did decide to explode the bomb somewhere off the coast, causing a significant earthquake that somehow nobody noticed.

    Wouldn’t it have made vastly more sense simply not to have exploded the bomb?

  5. chuckster says

    Wouldn’t the destruction from the tsunami caused by such an explosion be as devastating or worse to the East coast.

  6. garnetstar says

    I remember an old program that was about what would actually happen if a US city was hit by a nuclear bomb. The scenario was fictitious news coverage of the aftermath, as if you were really watching broadcasts from an actual event.

    Guess which city was hit and being reported on, in the program? You are correct.

    This was at least ten years ago, you’d think the tea partiers would have seen it then but they must be too busy fretting about teh gay to keep up with TV watching.

  7. Kevin S says

    Unsurprisingly, there’s a smidgen of truth all this is based on, which has been stitched together with a pretty nutty story. USGS reports there was, in fact, a 4.5 mag quake off the Atlantic coast on that date. There was a ballistic missile test on the 10th. And all those officers have been fired recently. The vice admiral on the 9th for allegedly counterfeiting gambling chips, the air force major general on the 10th for unspecified personal misconduct, and the marines on sept 30th for failing to post a sufficient guard at their base, letting the Taliban destroy a squadron of jets.

    The real magic is in deciding all those firings are unjustified and made up to cover this REAL reason, and in believing that a pair of Marines, fired over a week before this attack for reasons besmirching their professionalism, wouldn’t run to run to every major news source to tell about it.

  8. Moon Jaguar says

    According to the MSM:

    Giardina was fired for criminal activity involving gambling.
    Caerey was fired following a long investigation into “personal misbehavior”.
    Sturdevant and Gurganus were fired for negligence after a successful Taliban attack.

    If I was one of these guys I’d pick the “I was canned for defending American from an Obama nuke” excuse over “I was canned because I’m a fuck-up”.

  9. Mr Ed says

    Oh so close but no cigar. Obama in fact did nuke several cities recently with the military’s full support. Each city was not hit with an exploding bomb but a neutron bomb. Millions of Muslim immigrants that Obama has been secretly moving into the country were propositioned to take over these cities. South Caroline which up until this attack had be solidly red is now a true blue state. Obama will use the mid term elections in these states to elect representatives and senators who will change the constitution to let him remain president.

  10. jakc says

    Obama won in Charleston. Shouldn’t he be nuking the suburbs, or maybe Greenville? Or how about Ft Worth or Sugarland Texas? This calls for one of those White House petitions! Let the people choose your next target Mr President

  11. dugglebogey says

    I guess someone needs to start the discussion by telling me why it’s a bad idea to nuke South Carolina, for starters….

  12. dugglebogey says

    That snopes article is great. Most of the time the articles show some news article or event that gets bent or manipulated to some twisted nearly impossible conclusion.

    This one basically says “an asshole that lies all the time just made this shit up.”

  13. Moggie says

    During Shrub’s first term, conspiracists spread the story that he’d ordered the nuking of Minneapolis–Saint Paul in a false flag operation. Isn’t reality bad enough without making up shit to scare people with?

  14. Ben P says

    >Wait, so Lindsey Graham supposedly knew about this nuclear attack that Obama was staging against Charleston and failed to at least attempt to evacuate the city? Do wingnuts also hate Sen. Graham? If I were a wingnut living in Charleston, that would not make me care too much for Sen. Graham

    Actually yes, despite the fact Graham is a republican, Wingnuts tend to hate Lindsey Graham.

    He’s been in congress since 1993, ran for and won Strom Thurmond’s senate seat in 2002. He’s routinely part of things like the “Gang of 14″ that forged a comprimise on judicial nominees, and to the tea party types, this makes him a traitor.

    There are also long standing rumors he’s in the closet. (He’s 58, never been married and never had any public relationships) This, of course, is also major ammo to the tea partiers.

  15. rory says

    I can’t even fathom how colossally delusional you’d have to be to buy something like this. There is truly nothing so batshit insane that some wingnut won’t belive it as long as it’s about his prefered political hobby horse.

  16. Nemo says

    I started with the first name, Tim Giardina. It turns out that, although only formally relieved of his position this month, he’d already been suspended since September 3rd.

  17. raven says

    I guess someone needs to start the discussion by telling me why it’s a bad idea to nuke South Carolina, for starters….

    LOL.

    That was my first reaction too. Who carried out that nuclear bombing, the same ones who designed the ACA web site?

    But really, I’ve heard Charleston is a nice place to visit, lots of cultural activities, history, shopping, and good food.

    Besides which, a nuclear attack is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. They have to grow up one of these centuries.

  18. Hercules Grytpype-Thynne says

    I have it on good authority that Obama did want to bomb Charleston, but not with a nuclear device. With one of these. It could have been fabulous.

  19. Hercules Grytpype-Thynne says

    This one basically says “an asshole that lies all the time just made this shit up.”

    I can’t help reading “Sorcha Faal” as “Such a Fail”.

  20. Trebuchet says

    Maybe Obama was going to nuke Charleston at the behest of the evil Boeing unions in the northwest, because of the company moving work there. Hey, it makes as much sense as any other conjecture.

  21. Doug Little says

    So they rely on the commies and limp wristed appeasers for credible information. I thought they hated both those groups.

  22. coragyps says

    Wow! There actually was a 4.5 earthquake out there in the Atlantic at that day and time! Sorcha does have fact-checkers, after all!

  23. dfarmer1584 says

    Not that this absurdity needs any more knocking down, but, why not? The story indicates that the “nuclear explosion” had a one kiloton yield. One kiloton? I doubt that even the weakest tactical (“battlefield”) nukes delivered in artillery shells have yields that low. Little boy, back when nukes were infants, yielded 16 kilotons, Fat man yielded 20 kilotons. Obviously modern warheads pack tens of megatons yields. Even tactical nukes pack several kiloton punches.

    Com’on man! Any nuke worthy of a conspiracy theory has to be at least a few megatons dontchathink?

  24. caseloweraz says

    Busterggi: This must have been the quietest, most invisible nuclear explosion ever for it to have gone completely unseen & unheard.

    Sure — it was a stealth nuke. Brand new, top secret military tech. I’m risking my life to tell you about it.

  25. Nihilismus says

    Rather than start with a conspiracy theory and then have to find facts to somewhat support it, they pick random facts and create a conspiracy theory that somewhat connects them. I guess if you are going to make up a conspiracy, the latter is the better option, since some people might try to look up a few facts before believing the rest without much thought — “There really was an earthquake, a test, and firings! That means all the rest is true, too!”

    . . . a 1-kiloton yield, which is equal to the power of 1,000 tons of TNT.

    This is the only part they got right. But why are they using the metric system? Go back to France!

  26. cptdoom says

    Clearly this site has been taken over by forces loyal to the Usurper in chief. Not only did the Keynan Muslim totalitarian socialist plan to bomb Charleston, it took the brave soldier shooting up the Navy Yard to stop it. At least that’s what some guy on the Internet said.

  27. says

    Any nuke worthy of a conspiracy theory has to be at least a few megatons dontchathink?

    Where’s slc1 when you need an “expert” in megatons?

    (Actually, most strategic nukes are reasonably-sized – smaller than 1mt.)

  28. coffeehound says

    So let me get this straight. Obama ordered the military to nuke an American city and failed, and in retaliation (for what?) the Russians fired off a missile in Kazakhstan?

    And now on to sports……The World Cup was decided 3-2 today with Chile scoring one fewer own-goals in the last 20 minutes than Spain…Here’s Jim with the highlights….

  29. blf says

    One kiloton? I doubt that even the weakest tactical (“battlefield”) nukes delivered in artillery shells have yields that low.

    Ye Pffft! of All Knowledge says the “Davy Crockett” (one of the most ridiculous nuclear weapons ever devised or constructed) was only c.0.01 kiloton, with perhaps the next largest in the USAlienstan arsenal being the Hiroshima “Little Boy” at 13–18 kilotons.

    The only c.one kiloton yield listed on that same page is a recent N.Korean test. Excepting the Davy Crockett. everything else is noticeably larger.

  30. Rip Steakface says

    One kiloton? I doubt that even the weakest tactical (“battlefield”) nukes delivered in artillery shells have yields that low.

    Most nuclear warheads designed in the last 40 or 50 years have variable yield (“dial-a-yield”), allowing the user to select a blast size, more or less. One of the biggest sections of our nuclear stockpile is the B61 nuclear bomb, which can go between .3 and 340 kilotons – you can quite easily take a B61 warhead and set it to 1 kiloton yield – which, considering the weight of the weapon (about 300kg), isn’t really that terrible for yield.

  31. lorn says

    The right has gone so far into fantasy land seeking propaganda that it has lost its way. Alex Jones likes to think he is the wizard of Oz but it has long ago shifted from an extended exercise in creative writing built to order for propaganda purposes to babbling only incidentally connected to reality.

  32. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    I guess someone needs to start the discussion by telling me why it’s a bad idea to nuke South Carolina, for starters….

    @14 Fuck you with your pathetic and nauseating excuse for “humor.”

    No, seriously, why? The radiation would increase the local genetic diversity a thousandfold, for starters…

  33. lofgren says

    Oh, hey, that was actually me who tried to bomb South Carolina and then fired all those officers. Sorry guys, my bad.

  34. ospalh says

    @8
    The odd thing (and by “odd” i mean the people that made the story up didn’t care about details like that) is that the USGS says the quake had a depth of 13.4 km. So i guess the air force has amazing burying bombs that can bury kilometers deep into the ground. Or the USGS is PART OF THE CONSPIRACY!!! and changed the depth.

  35. dingojack says

    Naw, the USAF didn’t bury the nukes – that was our LIZARD OVERLORDS!! *
    :) Dingo
    ———–
    * Comical Ali told me. Take that Infowars.com!

  36. StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return! says

    @14. dugglebogey :

    I guess someone needs to start the discussion by telling me why it’s a bad idea to nuke South Carolina, for starters….

    Massive loss of human life.

    Massive loss of animal and plant life including probable extinction of endemic species.

    Radioactive fallout.

    There’s three good reasons just for starters – interesting how people on FTB are happy to make & accept such gallows humour jokes when it comes to those they dislike but are so hypocritically outraged by someone making similar jokes about places they do like or sympatheise with such as slc’s attempted jokes about bombing Iran or wherever and past mistaken attempts at humour along those lines of mine.

  37. StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return! says

    @44. dingojack : “Naw, the USAF didn’t bury the nukes – that was our LIZARD OVERLORDS!!

    Nope, it was disguised as a bone and they got a really big dog to do the dangerous digging duty, it just got abit carried away.

    It was in DogLovers Online Daily. ;-)

  38. says

    I think Alex Jones may have read Dave Barry’s “Big Trouble”. I know that when I read the book and then saw the movie that I found both to be silly, escapist humor. Apparently Jones and company found the plot line much more compelling.

  39. dingojack says

    Stevo – I find it interesting that commentators who have tried to seriously argue that nuking people for the crime of having differing religious beliefs (or having a political system they find unpalatable) is perfectly OK, nowfinds it absolutely outrageous that someone should mocks his (or her) stupid argument by using it as the punchline of what is clearly a joke.
    @@
    Dingo

  40. Thorne says

    It’s worse than you know! Obama used his time machine again! He sent a plane back to 1958 and they dropped an atomic bomb on Mars Bluff, SC (near Florence). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mars_Bluff,_South_Carolina

    The plan was to blame Eisenhower, and the Republicans, thereby causing South Carolinians to vote Democratic. However, they forgot to actually arm the damned thing and only managed to blow up a house.

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